Season 12 - Playoff Update

Our regular season has come to a conclusion and Round 1 of the playoffs is underway in the former card group (thanks COVID), now fantasy group, CNK.  But before we dive into the dynasty league, let’s check in on the Guillotine and Best Ball leagues, sponsored by Garrett South LLC. 

 While Mitch can’t win a playoff game in his Luther league (that we are all tired of hearing about), would rather play Fortnite than talk to his wife, critiques his 7th grade daughter in basketball the same way he would a senior football player, belittles his son about being undisciplined for not getting up early enough to make himself some eggs because he “needs the calories” and consistently refers to one of his classes as “math for dumb kids”, he certainly is killing it in the marginal fantasy football world. His neck remained intact as he took home the title in the Guillotine league, besting his brother-in-law, with a ridiculous final roster.  A true testament to holding onto as much FAAB as you can until the end to craft a great roster using the waiver wire. **cough, cough…ABEL!!**  Mitch is also poised to take home the best ball trophy as he won the most regular season points (although South made it interesting in Week 14) and now faces Garrett in the title match.  We’ll see if he has enough horses in his stable to complete the fantasy triple crown: Guillotine title, Best Ball title and #1 pick in CNK (more on that to come).

 

Mitch trying to win the things none of us care about.

Now let’s dive into our beloved dynasty league.  Week 14 brought some intrigue as half the league was contending for the final two playoff spots.  Lazer had clinched the #1 seed several weeks prior and we got some new blood in the postseason as Riley safely secured his spot.  Kyle had the wins lead but needed at least one of two wins in the final week to clinch his spot as South and Finken had substantially more points than him.  Going up against Mitch nearly locked that in beforehand, which is fortunate because Kyle lost the median match and would’ve been out having played most anyone else.  Kyle sneaking in means he is making his first playoff appearance since 2018 and Riley’s since 2019.  We were beginning to wonder if the COVID vaccine had more side effects than initially thought for those two.

Riley and Kyle showing back up to the playoffs.

So then it came down to South and Finken.  Finken needed to get two wins on the week and see South go south.  It was set up ideally as Garrett was playing Lansink, who ended up posting an all-timer of a score after Josh Allen, Puka and Chase all went nuclear.  Finken got that loss out of South to Lazer and two wins of his own over Abel’s line-up of injured and non-starting players.  But South didn’t cooperate and posted an all-timer score of his own to get the median win and punch his ticket.  Seth technically had a chance as well but didn’t have enough points to make it work.  The good thing is he’ll have all offseason to work on his scoring stats with Chris’s sister....and two-a-days start Jan 1. 

 

Seth is looking forward to the offseason.

So now that the field was set, Chris took his sweet time and eventually (after what felt like hundreds of texts) choose to face off against his arch nemesis Kyyyyyle in round one of the playoffs, leaving South and Riley to duke it out on the other side.  The remaining four began their round robin to determine who buys lobster and Dom Perignon at the draft.  

After one week, Chris holds a commanding lead over Lehman that seems more insurmountable than Anthony Richardson trying to get a 50% completion rate.  In the other matchup, Riley holds an almost 50 point lead on South, even without sniffing out adding Cook or Bateman to his lineup.  He even left Strange on the bench and pre-whipped Riley would’ve definitely sniffed out that strange…  There have only been two weeks all season when FIT outscored Smells Low by 50+ points so things are looking pretty grim for South.  At least he won’t get destroyed by Chris in the title game again.  Our only hope to take Chris out in the playoffs is a stat correction. 

 

Finken bitterly watching the playoffs from the outside.

In the consolation bracket, Finken posted his 4^th 200 pointer of the year and would have the lead over anyone in the playoffs, if not for all those ridiculously close losses throughout the year.  He’s definitely come to terms with this and is reportedly handling it well, definitely isn’t bitter and angry.  Seth won a tight one over Mitch in the other match.  We’d preview this week’s matchups but we have no idea who’s playing whom in the loser’s bracket this week because the stupid Sleeper app won’t allow us to manage any of that.  So we’ll all just get to guess on who’s playing whom, won’t that be a fun wrinkle?  Thanks a lot Riley. 

And since we’re talking about the loser’s bracket, we do have a lot of draft order set.  The 1st pick did not come without some sweating between the two competing parties.  Well, at least Mitch was paying close attention.  Reached for comment, Mitch exclaimed “it turns out trying to score less fantasy points than Abel is like trying to suck a golf ball through a garden hose.”  When asked to share his other experiences in sucking a golf ball through a garden hose, Mr. Curtis said something about South’s mom and then trailed off as he turned back to his Fortnite game with Lehman.

In case Chris doesn’t have his cheaters on, that is a 0.72 point gap between I’m Out and Play It Backwards in “Max Points For”.  It's amazing that a whole season of tanking between two terrible rosters resulted in the #1 and #2 pick being decided by less than a point.  Some of you are probably just seeing this information but one of us had to sweat this out in real time.  You might think it’s pathetic to create a spreadsheet so you can realize the exact moment all of your tanking paid off……and you’d be right, here it is:

One more Dowdle checkdown or a garbage time Tee Higgins TD (or literally one more freaking point all season long!!!) and Play it Backwards’ status as the 6th least volatile member of the league, might have come into question.

 

The rest of us when Mitch says he's 6th least volatile.

While we are on the topic of draft order, here is what the 25 picks look like as of right now with a fair amount of movement still possible with how the playoffs shakeout.  Mitch and Abel had better pray this is a good draft class otherwise....

2025 Draft Order

1.1 Mitch

1.2 Abel

1.3 Mitch (via Finken)

1.4 Abel (via Seth)

1.5 Projected (Mitch via Kyle or Abel via South)

1.6 Projected (Mitch via Kyle or Abel via South)

1.7 Projected (Riley or Abel via Chris)

1.8 Projected (Riley or Abel via Chris)

2.1 Mitch

2.2 Abel

2.3 Finken

2.4 Mitch (via Seth)

2.5 Projected (Jared via Kyle or South)

2.6 Projected (Jared via Kyle or South)

2.7 Projected (Chris or Chris via Riley)

2.8 Projected (Chris or Chris via Riley)

3.1 Seth (via Mitch)

3.2 Chris (via Abel)

3.3 Finken

3.4 Mitch (via Seth)

3.5 Projected (Kyle or Kyle via South)

3.6 Projected (Kyle or Kyle via South)

3.7 Projected (Riley or Riley via Chris)

3.8 Projected (Riley or Riley via Chris)

4.1 South

*Bold denotes current entry point in draft

 

Now is also the time to start thinking about the draft.  First, we need to set a time as people will start making summer plans over the Christmas holidays so Seth, if you could let us know when your anniversary is so we can plan it for that weekend....

 

But on a serious note, this will be the last power rankings of the season as we all have better things to do over the holidays.  But in all seriousness, it was another fun season (even if Chris wins his 8^th title) and want to thank almost everyone for continuing to make this a great time.  And let’s all try and make a resolution to try and get together or cards, games, Top Golf, pickle ball, a movie, darts or whatever on a more regular basis.  I’m sure all of our psyches could use it.   Merry Christmas and have a safe holiday season!

Season 12 - Week 12

Week 12 is in the books and we’re going to continue our sometimes-annual Thanksgiving week tradition of giving thanks.  We get so busy in our daily lives and forget to enjoy the little things that bring us joy.  And one of those things is our beloved Card Night Kangs fake football league.  Every year we enjoy the draft, the text chain each weekend, the more –and-more sporadic Power Rankings and the gatherings together for games and cards when we can.  It is nice to have a group that is mostly of a like mind to have some fun with and keep us all grounded.

So while you’re all enjoying time together bickering about politics with your in-laws or fighting with your kids over their iPad/Fortnite time or eating some Thanksgiving dish that your grandparents made that the dog would turn away, say thanks for what we all have.  And if that’s not enough, there’s always decent NFL games all day long in the basement.

 

Happy Thanksgiving and now on with the Power Rankings…

1. If We’re Using Logic – First and foremost, Chris is happy that his fellow slumlord was reelected and will enact more property-owning friendly policies to help him keep adding to his rental empire.  But in terms of CNK, Lazer is thankful for Abel.  Previously it was getting Abel’s draft picks which allowed him to pluck Nabers at the beginning of our last draft.  But it was also Abel gift wrapping him Derrick Henry before the season, which has led Chris to dominating the league so far.  Everyone else thought there was no way he could keep it going at his advanced age but Chris had the foresight to see what was to come.  He must have just upgraded his trifocal prescription right about that time to be able to see it…or maybe it’s just a geriatric-understands-geriatric thing. Probably right about the time for his annual prostate exam and Viagra med renewals.

 

Chris needs to load up for the playoffs.

2. Smells Low – Thanksgiving is hard time for Riley.  He’s usually overwhelmed by the constant stream of new aromas throughout the holiday.  It makes it really hard for him to concentrate when it’s most important.  And he’s found himself in a position most of us could not have believed at the beginning of the year; right at the top of title contenders.  He added the right veteran pieces in the offseason and smelled a few good trades when they came his way.  His squad has been led by some great QB play but he’ll have to sniff out a QB trade once Purdy comes back as he started Maye this week and burned his redshirt.  Hopefully the decision he makes will have a better result than whatever led us to using Sleeper because…ugh, not thankful for that.

 

Riley is like the human lie-detector in these situations.

3. Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken should be thankful for many things; his dashing good looks, his charm, intellect and wit, not to mention his irresistible sexual prowess.  But in this context, we’ll focus on football.  He has Jon Robinson and Joe Schoen to be thankful for.  Not only did these GMs hand the Eagles two of their best offensive players, Finken got to reap the rewards of his two fantasy studs landing on his favorite squad that has turned into an offensive juggernaut.  Barkley has been on an absolute tear recently vaulting him and his Eagles back into strong playoff contention.  When reached for comment, Finken corrected the Power Rankings saying “what I’m actually thankful for is Nebraska reaching a bowl game before having our dreams crushed again in Iowa City…”

 

Saquon leaping Finken back into contention.

4. Ah It’s Early – Everyone knows why your humble moderators are thankful for Seth but we’ll give that a break this one time.  Seth is thankful for his backup QBs, his hot start and his hot wife…damnit!  We couldn’t resist.  With the stalwarts of Mahomes and Dak performing under expectations, Goff and Mayfield have been carrying the load for him through much of the season.  Neither of those two were worth a ham sandwich 3 years ago.  Unfortunately they can’t carry 100% of the load now that Seth’s 0-6 over the last three weeks after a 6-0 start to the season.  That won’t get any easier this weekend facing Chris.  It’s fitting though that the two relatives get to battle over the Thanksgiving holiday.  Hopefully they get to watch the Chiefs game together Friday afternoon, after many whiskeys.  Seth, we’d all be thankful if you video’d in Chris as he watched Mahomes repeatedly torch the Raiders, throwing several TDs to Kelce and Nuke. 

 

Seth to Chris at their family gathering each time Mahomes throws another TD. 

5. Off Suit 10s – As was his plan this year, Kyle is thankful for tight ends…and not in the way Riley’s thinking.  LaPorta hasn’t been needed as much this year but McBride has been solid.  The surprise has been the recent pick-up of Jonnu Smith to continue Kyle’s two TE approach.  It makes sense that with all these tight ends on the roster, that DeShaun Watson would eventually make his way there.  Most of all, Kyle is thankful for his stout fantasy defense in a no K/D league, as his team has still surrendered, by far, the fewest points to the opposition.  We’d like to throw a lot of kudos Lehman’s way for his quick rebuild and staying in contention this long this season but we’re afraid Quentin Johnston would drop it... 

 

QJ trying to keep Kyle in the playoff race.

6. Fuck It Three – Garrett is thankful for his 2017 draft still.  Although Dalvin Cook is as relevant as big words on Trump’s teleprompter, Joe Mixon and CMC are still ruling fantasy after he drafted them #2 and #3 (Corey Davis was #1 BTW…yikes).  They’re keeping him afloat in the playoff hunt when so many other things have gone wrong for him.  Maybe he should actually be thankful for the median-scoring wins also keeping him alive after losing the head-to-head matchups in 5 of his first 6 games.  South going 1-5 in those games after dominating the regular season for so many seasons was like watching the 04 Cornhuskers finish with a losing record for the first time in 40 years.  Sad for one but exciting for so many others. 

 

As executive editor of the Rankings, I will not stand for this.

7. Play if Backwards – We’ll skim past the continual equestrian facilities upgrades needed at their home stable and the bigger metro schools rewarding his best Indianola players scholarship offers, we know Mitch is thankful for all of those.  Word is, he is mainly thankful for the chance to build a new dynasty from all of Kyle’s picks and prove that Year 1 title was no fluke.  He’s got the capital over several years to reshape the roster between the draft and trades and has been the most active waiver wire user of the year (Abel, that’s were free agent players are added, sometimes using FAAB).  With potential cornerstone ingredients like Bowers, Higgins, DJ Moore and Caleb, he won’t be baking from scratch.  Now he has to hope his ability to cook up a good roster is quicker than his chicken smoking timeline.  At least we'll be prepared for smoking the Thanksgiving bird.  

 

No chance this happens to Mitch after all the reps he's put in.

8. I’m Out – Despite continually not starting a full roster and hoarding his FAAB while hardly every using the waiver wire, we believe Abel is thankful for the chance to restart from scratch.  He’s got the ammo to reload thru the 2025 draft but he’ll have to make some additional calculated moves to build a competitive roster.  One helpful step to be thankful for is the Giants benching, then releasing Daniel Jones, who will land in a better situation by default based on the upcoming QB free agency carousel and the lack of excitement in this draft class, which had generated about as much excitement as his Tinder profile.  One more thing Abel on the same note when you’re looking at the 2025 QB prospects, be thankful we didn’t let you trade away TLaw last summer.  Paulie will eventually be thankful he's still on your roster.

 

We're all looking out for you Abel.  

 

PS – Note from Kyle he wanted us to add (we believe this takes him down a few notches on the “most volatile managers” list, we’ll see if it’ll last):

I am thankful for all of you people. I know we don’t get together as much but I wanted you to all know that I do appreciate you and that you can all count on me if ever needed.  I know I count on all of you – Chris answers my dumb math questions because I don’t know how to navigate the math internet, Fortnite with Mitch, lunch with Finken, Vegas/other Shenanigans with Abel, Seth stays around so we can make sister jokes, Southy sells me cheap high powered RC cars, and Riley just provides me great stories to tell other people.

Season 12 - Week 10

Week 10 is in the books and we are nearing the conclusion of our fantasy regular season.  There are 4 weeks left so there is still time for several teams to slide into the final playoff spots.  We’d love to do a deep dive on remaining schedules and who’s trending a certain way but this terrible app that Riley made us switch to doesn’t show any of that.  Looking at hindsight, it seems like Sleeper was Riley’s “Project 2025”; his roadmap to make this league more terrible in every way. 

 

Riley ruining everything.

Before we go too much further, let’s check in on the Guillotine League.  We’re down to only 6 teams remaining and 4 are CNK managers.  Mitch, Chris, Riley and Finken all still have their necks intact after South lost his two weeks ago.  Now that we’re digging into it, the other survivors are Mitch’s father-in-law and brother-in-law.  Seems suspiciously coincidental that three members of the Curtis household has all made it this far.  Reached for comment, Heidi assured us there was no collusion going on and she definitely hasn't already spent the winnings to finance an addition to the stable. 

 

Mitch's backyard after he or his kin wins the Guillotine League.

As a friendly reminder, the trade deadline is Week 13 so you’ve got 2 more weeks to solidify your line-ups for the title push.  The problem is two guys own all of the decent draft capital and they don’t seem to be keen to part with any of it.  So let’s get creative people.  And now, on with the Power Rankings…

1. If We’re Using Logic – Chris has continued to roll over the league on a weekly basis, much like Southy has in previous years.  (How did that end up for South all those years?)  He’ll likely walk to the #1 seed and have his choice of opponent.  He’s won 3 matches in a row and can chalk up #4 this week against Abel whether Jared adjusts his roster for byes or not.  Lazer could rest easy this past week after Burrow and Chase posted 93 points on Thursday night.  His weary bones needed a breather after spending the prior week trying to figure out a way to stump Southie during the escape room portion of his Halloween party.  Better luck next year Chris.    

 

Said Southie never...

2. Smells Low – Riley may not have a better record than the next few teams but he’s scored the 2^nd most points and his roster has actually outperformed even Lazer’s squad.  His Max Points For is decently higher than anyone else.  It helps that his QBs are hitting peaks higher than Mount Snotcave on his face.  The Eagles have got the Brotherly Shove working again and Purdy is making Chris regret choosing ARich more and more by the week.  With 2 of his 6 all-time 200-point games coming this season, Riley is in sniffing distance of his first title.  However, with his schnozz, he could be picking up a scent that is still years away. 

 

Riley thinks he smells what's cookin' this year.

3. Ah It’s Early – Seth is sitting at 13-7 and in plum position to punch his playoff ticket.  Seth has made hay with a few “Chief” acquisitions.  Kareem Hunt has been a breath of fresh air but that may be short lived with Pacheco coming back from the IR.  Trading for Hopkins was a smart depth move and Kelce is finally starting to play like he’s worthy of the price he paid for him.  Seth’s problem may be that the Chiefs clinch everything too early and they start resting key guys come CNK playoff time.  Those points will dry up faster than Seth’s AC when he’s not paying the electric bill.

 

Seth looking at Chris's sister...

4. Off Suit 10s – Kyle is the most fortunate manager this year, scoring by far the least points of the contenders and having the least scored against him.   His Max Points For is closer to Abel’s than the main three contenders.  He also seems to have the toughest road left facing Riley this week and his frenemy Lazer next week.  Especially with so many guys on bye this week.  So he needs to enjoy his spot here while he can because odds are, it won’t last too much longer.  If he adds losses faster than he’s dropping weight, he’ll soon be stuck with that feeling he felt watching (in person) Iowa get manhandled by soft Pac 12 school. 

 

South watching Kyle's team from afar.

5. Fuck It Three – South is nipping at the heels of anyone sitting in that final playoff spot.  He’s won 4 games in a row and also been over median scoring in each as well.  (Riley, that adds up to 8 wins)  Plus he’s getting CMC back healthy and Lamar is playing so well they might have to rename the MVP award after him if he collects his 3^rd this season.  It was a fun ride watching Garrett wallow near the bottom of the standings most of the season but I think we all knew it wouldn’t last.  With the star power he’s got on his roster, South grabbing the final playoff spot and facing Chris for the title once again feels inevitable. 

 

Garrett seeing everyone else think they can win the league.

6. Rollin’ 4 Deep – There was bound to be one team that fell out of contention for a variety of reasons and it appears to be Finken having the year from hell.  As previously noted, despite being 4^th in scoring, he’s lost 4 matchups by less than a point and his WRs are consistently MIA.  He’s got to get 2 wins this weekend against South or he can pretty much kiss any chance at the playoffs goodbye.  Finken should be used to this feeling of disappointment after an offseason of hope and optimism after having not seen Nebraska go to a bowl game since he was in high school (rough estimate).  It'd help if NU's QB started playing like his idol Patrick Mahomes, instead of Jackson Mahomes.  

 

Rinse, repeat...

 

We’re going to do something different with the final two spots.  Since we’re in a tank-a-thon with unAbel and Mitch, let’s look at where they stand in terms in the race for the coveted #1 pick.  We saw what we thought was the nadir of the league back in Week 7 when both Mitch and Abel set a new low for weekly scoring with 70.4 and 69.3 respectively.  But Mitch blew that out of the water last week with a glorious 64.5.  Not sure how that one will be topped with a legit line-up set.

 

Mitch shamelessly stripping his roster down.

And so Mitch runs in the lead by a decent margin in Max Points For with a total of 1,391.12.  He’s done a good job of running off anyone who would score him points in exchange for more draft capital in an effort to guarantee himself the chance to eventually trade the #1 pick.  It’s kind of surprising that despite Abel’s inability to set a legal line-up and use the waiver wire at all, he’s got some guys on his roster that are putting up points and could be good to contribute next year.  The problem is that it seems like between all their combined first round picks, Mitch is likely going to have 3 of the top 4 picks and Abel will pick #2 and then several at the end of the round.  We’ve warned him before but we’ll say it again, Abel, you’d better start studying now and get ready to wheel and deal some of that capital!

Abel trying to prepare to rebuild them team.