Season 12 - Week 10

Week 10 is in the books and we are nearing the conclusion of our fantasy regular season.  There are 4 weeks left so there is still time for several teams to slide into the final playoff spots.  We’d love to do a deep dive on remaining schedules and who’s trending a certain way but this terrible app that Riley made us switch to doesn’t show any of that.  Looking at hindsight, it seems like Sleeper was Riley’s “Project 2025”; his roadmap to make this league more terrible in every way. 

 

Riley ruining everything.

Before we go too much further, let’s check in on the Guillotine League.  We’re down to only 6 teams remaining and 4 are CNK managers.  Mitch, Chris, Riley and Finken all still have their necks intact after South lost his two weeks ago.  Now that we’re digging into it, the other survivors are Mitch’s father-in-law and brother-in-law.  Seems suspiciously coincidental that three members of the Curtis household has all made it this far.  Reached for comment, Heidi assured us there was no collusion going on and she definitely hasn't already spent the winnings to finance an addition to the stable. 

 

Mitch's backyard after he or his kin wins the Guillotine League.

As a friendly reminder, the trade deadline is Week 13 so you’ve got 2 more weeks to solidify your line-ups for the title push.  The problem is two guys own all of the decent draft capital and they don’t seem to be keen to part with any of it.  So let’s get creative people.  And now, on with the Power Rankings…

1. If We’re Using Logic – Chris has continued to roll over the league on a weekly basis, much like Southy has in previous years.  (How did that end up for South all those years?)  He’ll likely walk to the #1 seed and have his choice of opponent.  He’s won 3 matches in a row and can chalk up #4 this week against Abel whether Jared adjusts his roster for byes or not.  Lazer could rest easy this past week after Burrow and Chase posted 93 points on Thursday night.  His weary bones needed a breather after spending the prior week trying to figure out a way to stump Southie during the escape room portion of his Halloween party.  Better luck next year Chris.    

 

Said Southie never...

2. Smells Low – Riley may not have a better record than the next few teams but he’s scored the 2^nd most points and his roster has actually outperformed even Lazer’s squad.  His Max Points For is decently higher than anyone else.  It helps that his QBs are hitting peaks higher than Mount Snotcave on his face.  The Eagles have got the Brotherly Shove working again and Purdy is making Chris regret choosing ARich more and more by the week.  With 2 of his 6 all-time 200-point games coming this season, Riley is in sniffing distance of his first title.  However, with his schnozz, he could be picking up a scent that is still years away. 

 

Riley thinks he smells what's cookin' this year.

3. Ah It’s Early – Seth is sitting at 13-7 and in plum position to punch his playoff ticket.  Seth has made hay with a few “Chief” acquisitions.  Kareem Hunt has been a breath of fresh air but that may be short lived with Pacheco coming back from the IR.  Trading for Hopkins was a smart depth move and Kelce is finally starting to play like he’s worthy of the price he paid for him.  Seth’s problem may be that the Chiefs clinch everything too early and they start resting key guys come CNK playoff time.  Those points will dry up faster than Seth’s AC when he’s not paying the electric bill.

 

Seth looking at Chris's sister...

4. Off Suit 10s – Kyle is the most fortunate manager this year, scoring by far the least points of the contenders and having the least scored against him.   His Max Points For is closer to Abel’s than the main three contenders.  He also seems to have the toughest road left facing Riley this week and his frenemy Lazer next week.  Especially with so many guys on bye this week.  So he needs to enjoy his spot here while he can because odds are, it won’t last too much longer.  If he adds losses faster than he’s dropping weight, he’ll soon be stuck with that feeling he felt watching (in person) Iowa get manhandled by soft Pac 12 school. 

 

South watching Kyle's team from afar.

5. Fuck It Three – South is nipping at the heels of anyone sitting in that final playoff spot.  He’s won 4 games in a row and also been over median scoring in each as well.  (Riley, that adds up to 8 wins)  Plus he’s getting CMC back healthy and Lamar is playing so well they might have to rename the MVP award after him if he collects his 3^rd this season.  It was a fun ride watching Garrett wallow near the bottom of the standings most of the season but I think we all knew it wouldn’t last.  With the star power he’s got on his roster, South grabbing the final playoff spot and facing Chris for the title once again feels inevitable. 

 

Garrett seeing everyone else think they can win the league.

6. Rollin’ 4 Deep – There was bound to be one team that fell out of contention for a variety of reasons and it appears to be Finken having the year from hell.  As previously noted, despite being 4^th in scoring, he’s lost 4 matchups by less than a point and his WRs are consistently MIA.  He’s got to get 2 wins this weekend against South or he can pretty much kiss any chance at the playoffs goodbye.  Finken should be used to this feeling of disappointment after an offseason of hope and optimism after having not seen Nebraska go to a bowl game since he was in high school (rough estimate).  It'd help if NU's QB started playing like his idol Patrick Mahomes, instead of Jackson Mahomes.  

 

Rinse, repeat...

 

We’re going to do something different with the final two spots.  Since we’re in a tank-a-thon with unAbel and Mitch, let’s look at where they stand in terms in the race for the coveted #1 pick.  We saw what we thought was the nadir of the league back in Week 7 when both Mitch and Abel set a new low for weekly scoring with 70.4 and 69.3 respectively.  But Mitch blew that out of the water last week with a glorious 64.5.  Not sure how that one will be topped with a legit line-up set.

 

Mitch shamelessly stripping his roster down.

And so Mitch runs in the lead by a decent margin in Max Points For with a total of 1,391.12.  He’s done a good job of running off anyone who would score him points in exchange for more draft capital in an effort to guarantee himself the chance to eventually trade the #1 pick.  It’s kind of surprising that despite Abel’s inability to set a legal line-up and use the waiver wire at all, he’s got some guys on his roster that are putting up points and could be good to contribute next year.  The problem is that it seems like between all their combined first round picks, Mitch is likely going to have 3 of the top 4 picks and Abel will pick #2 and then several at the end of the round.  We’ve warned him before but we’ll say it again, Abel, you’d better start studying now and get ready to wheel and deal some of that capital!

Abel trying to prepare to rebuild them team.

Season 12 - Week 7

Week 7 is in the books and it’s been 6 weeks since we checked in on the Card Night Kangs and since no one else came to pick up the mantle, the Power Rankings is back to see where we all stand.  We are now halfway thru our regular season (depressing sign) and everyone has played each other once.  This means we’re all about to go back for sloppy seconds.  We’d love to dig deeper into scoring trends or patterns or player rankings but this stupid Sleeper app we switched to isn’t set up to do any of that easily so I guess we’ll just continue to settle for less.  Thanks Riley.

 

Everyone every time they open the Sleeper app.

There have been a few surprises in our first half that are worth noting.  Chris has been the top scoring team and essentially at #1 in the standings since the beginning.  Seth sits in a good spot tied record-wise for #1 even though his point total doesn’t reflect that feat so we’ll see if that lasts.  Kyle’s success at #3 remains surprising with the 6^th most points while Finken and Riley hang on to a .500 record.  But the new 8^th wonder of the world continues to be South and his 5-9 record.  He has had by far the most points scored against him but after years of domination, it’s still odd to see his name at the bottom of the rankings.  The back half of the season will really test the depth of each of these rosters as injuries continue to pop up and bye weeks really start to affect things.  If the injuries continue to pile up, Kyle’s remaining $100 of FAAB could be the 2024 MVP. 

 

Our two tankers remain steadfast in their goal of the suck.  Mitch is doing what he can to trade away anyone scoring points while Abel just finds it easier not to start them.  Abel, they still count towards your max-points-for when they’re on your bench in the battle for pick #1 so you might as well try and knock off a few of these clowns and keep things interesting.  You might even be able to improve some of that draft capital you own by knocking someone out of the playoffs. 

But enough of all that, let’s get to the reason we’re all here.  We need a mid-year report card of the CNK.  We will try and get into the other leagues next week but for now, on with the Power Rankings…

 

1. If We’re Using Logic – After some bold predictions in the offseason, Chris has gotten off to the roaring start on the back of the monster in Baltimore named Derrick Henry and his crop of 8 top 5 WRs.  CD hasn’t replicated his 2023 stats but Nabers has been more than happy to take his place.  The most impressive thing is that he’s done all this without long stretches of Puka, JT, Nico and the lynchpin of it all, CEH.  We didn’t list Richardson as he has ended up being much less $Cam Newtown and much more Ja’Marcus Russell.  In two years when Flacco is still taking AR-15’s snaps from his wheelchair, Lazer is going to feel worse about that pick that when he started renting his slums out to those Haitian migrants. 

Lansink evisting his next tenet. 

2. Ah It’s Early – Seth came into the year hoping to keep riding Mahomies and the DakAttack to greatness but it turns out, all he really needed was Baker and Goff.  The same could be said for his trade of Kelce being unnecessary when he had the answer of Kraft all along.  Godwin and Garrett Wilson have carried his WRs so far so it’ll be interesting to see how he manages his roster now that Godwin is out and Wilson is competing with Adams for Rodgers affection.  Most of Seth’s success has come from his consistency.  Seth has scored somewhere around 150 each week outside of a few weeks that were just outside that amount.  However, when you think about it, this makes sense.  If there’s one thing he know about how Seth operates, it’s all about constantly and consistently scoring.

3. Off Suit 10s – Like his 2024 RV discount blow-out event, everyone was skeptical of Kyle’s rebuild for this year but the proof is in the pudding.  Kyler and Stroud have been solid even if Bryce and Tua might never set foot on the field again.  Bijon and Drake have taken the leap in the ATL and Kamara is playing like it’s 2019 again.  But what Kyle really needs is for Harrison to be the guy that Nabers has already proven he is.  Let’s just hope Kyle doesn’t drop him for some waiver wire treasure next week.  Kyle’s two TE offense hit a bit of a snag when the Lions decided to stop featuring LaPorta.  He’s been used less than Kyle’s DraftKings app and if that continues, his value will continue to plummet down the LaPorta-Potty… 

See what we did there?

4. Rollin’ 4 Deep – The year has gone mostly how Finken drew it up.  Daniels has been great so far and Barkley has taken over the goal line role with the Iggles.  But Jayden finally got folded up last week and Kinkaid’s kink has been more knock-off, no-lube Fleshlight than one of the premium anal bead sets, at least according to what Riley tells us.  Not to mention his WRs have taken a bigger beating than his Huskers at Indiana.  What Finken didn’t count on was putting up the 2^nd most points but only sitting at a mediocre 7-7 record.  This is primarily due to losing 4 wins over the past 3 weeks by around 1 point a apiece.  And in none of these cases was there a stat correction to save him. 

Finken waking up Tuesday mornings checking on his shoe-in wins.

5. Smells Low – Riley also sits at 7-7 and just a few points behind Finken.  Like the peak on his face, Riley’s put up a few huge peaks in scoring this season at 215+ twice.  But he’s also posted scores as deep as the valleys of those nostrils as well.  Those 215+ weeks have kept him in contention but his inconsistency has kept him from the elite level so far.  His team is full of quality depth and now that Davante Adams has a home and Achane may get a functioning (albeit wrapped in bubble wrap) QB back soon, Riley could save his season the way he continues to try and save the whales or bats or whatever the hell hippie cause he’s working for these days.  That is if he’s actually working and not just living in some CA opium den/concubine.  With Riley, all options are usually on the table.

Behold, the story of Riley's season.

6. Fuck It Three – Garrett continues to find himself in a situation he didn’t think he’d be in.  Under .500 and on the outside looking in.  Lamar and his RBs have been steadily good and even Jefferson has been better than expected with Darnold.  He can see the light at the end of the tunnel as CMC is supposed to start practicing again soon and his team’s been a little more consistently good as of late.  Much like Cara Johnson when Seth walks into the room, Garrett’s defenses are pretty much non-existent.  He’s had the most points scored against him by 130 points.  If luck balances out in the 2^nd half, he could sneak into the playoffs with a rested Christian, which makes him as dangerous as a Trump supporter at an all-you-can-eat McDonald’s buffet. 

7. Play It Backwards – Mitch and Abel sit both at 3-11, which means nothing as we all know they aren’t making the playoffs.  However, the race for #1 is nearly as close as their records, with Mitch sucking slightly less than Abel in “max points for” at 1,068 vs 1,045.  Looks like Abel’s experience at not being good is finally paying off.  Mitch continues to remove aging assets off his roster for young potential and draft picks.  He also gets to root for Kyle and Finken to flail so that he ends up with a few more top 4 draft picks.  Caleb is getting his act together to fill one QB slot but it seems like the Fields and Levis experiments might be up.  If nothing else, Bowers will almost assuredly be TE going into next year and could be the new Kelce TE Cheat Code.  With the right draft and/or trades, he’ll be right back into contention in 2025…that is, if Heidi allows it.

Heidi checking in on Mitch's plans for next year.

8. I’m Out – Abel, we know you’re deep in the tank and want the best draft capital you can.  But you need to actually start the best lineup you can each week.  There’s now been 3 weeks where a non-active player has been in your starting line-up.  I know it’s a rigorous task while you’re balancing all the Tinder/Bumble/FarmersOnly/Hinge/Match/EHarmony/Grindr apps but you’re competing with someone else for the #1 spot and possibly beating others or affecting the median score outcome.  Let’s keep this fun and above board.  If you need a lesson on the new auto-sub feature, contact Geico.  It’s so easy, even a caveman could do it. 

Come on Abel, you can do it, we believe in you.

Season 12 - Week 1

Week 1 is in the books for our 12^th season here at the Card Night Kangs.  It was a hectic offseason with a very active draft and 6 teams labeling themselves contenders.  We’ll take a look at where those teams stack up after Week 1 shortly but I think we need to acknowledge the two tankers first.  Mitch and Abel both began a slash-and-burn rebuild this season and it shows with the starting line-ups during our first week.  In an 8-team league with lots of Flex spots, you shouldn’t see some of the guys from each of those rosters starting but here we are.  I am going to set the over/under total wins for Mitch and Abel at 3.5 currently, knowing that 2 of those wins will come against each other. 

 

There has also been many other changes, including expanding rosters to 30, getting rid of IR and taxi squads and implementing some kind of injury contingency that likely nobody remembered.  Then there was the platform change to Sleeper.  Reviews are mixed but MANY people are saying it’s terrible, hard to navigate and worst decision for this league and maybe the country.  The only saving grace is that Yahoo also redesigned their fantasy site and it now looks worse than Trump did in the debate.  Yeesh…

But enough of that, let’s get back to the contenders and see where things stand with our new season’s first Power Rankings…

1. Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken came roaring out of the gates with high points (by far) on the week, almost doubling up Mitch.  It looks like Philly has replaced the tush-push with the Barkley RB Extravaganza, so that’ll be fun for Finken while it lasts.  Gibbs, AJ Brown, Conner and Evans picked right back up where they left off and Kupp could get back to his triple crown form with Puka banged up.  But with Jordan Love already injured and several other aging veterans carrying this team, he’d better hope Daniels doesn’t get folded like chair or he’ll soon be relying solely on Rodgers and his tinfoil hat to stay in contention.  If the Jet’s turf-monster gets him again, Rodgers may just hang it up and shoot for a cabinet position with his buddy RFK. 

2. Off Suit 10s – Despite getting his head chopped in the Guillotine league on the first week, Kyle’s off to a way better start to his reclamation project in the CNK.  After toiling away for a few years at the bottom of the standings, he reshaped his roster into what appears to be a contender and is ready to roll.  Not that he needed much to topple Abel in Week 1.  A stiff breeze could’ve done that.  Unlike his Hawkeyes, he used the transfer/trade portal to bolster his flex spots and added good depth.  Unlike his Hawkeyes, Kyle solved his QB problem and also added playmakers to strengthen the offensive attack.  Unlike his Hawkeyes, he took the lead and then smothered his opponent, leaving no doubt.  Unlike his Hawkeyes, he now sits at a perfect 2-0 and ready to compete for the playoff.  Unlike his Hawkeyes, there is now excitement around the program and a reason for the fans to be hopeful.

3. If We’re Using Logic – After dubbing himself in “Elite Company” in his season preview and stating he’s the top dog in his own patent-pending power rankings, Chris came out with a bit of a whimper, just getting by Riley in Week 1.  His QBs held up their end of the bargain but the rest of the roster was fairly ho-hum.  The good news is that CD got his contract and Chase appears to be willing to play out the year before getting his.  If there were holdouts, that could’ve gotten ugly/hilarious with Puka going down for the next few weeks.  Especially if he’s going to be relying on Daniel Jones to make Nabers relevant and Brooks to score a bunch when finally healthy on one of the worst offenses we’ve seen since Deacon Hill…

 

If Chris says it enough times, it'll come to fruition.

4. Ah It’s Early – Seth was dreading this weekend; Cyclones going to Kinnick and he was playing South in dynasty.  Neither of which are usually harbingers of good.  But alas, he was mistaken.   ISU’s last second victory gave him bragging rights for the next year over the most volatile members of the league and South made a calculated error (we’ll get to that in a second) which led to Seth holding onto victory.  It was a workman-like win with everyone basically putting up an average score (something Seth’s not used to doing with his prowess in the bedroom).  Well, everyone except Kelce.  If this is how the Chiefs are going to use him all year, Abel had better at least send Seth a fruit basket at Christmas time in thanks for that gift of a first round pick. 

 

Seth all weekend long.

5. Fuck It Three – It is so rare that South is this low in the rankings, I think we just need to take a second and reflect on how badly he F-ed up.  With an injured CMC heading into MNF, he left him in the RB spot instead of moving him to a flex position in case something went haywire.  And about an hour before kickoff, the dreaded alert popped up.  CMC was out and Mason was sitting on Mitch’s bench.  Maybe South will sleep better knowing that Aiuyk or Kittle wouldn’t have gotten him the win but the king of strategy and game theory failed the most basic fantasy test.  Most likely he’ll bounce back from this and climb his way back up the rankings.  But if CMC is out for a while, Tyreeeeeek keeps getting profiled on the way to the game and Darnold can’t give JJ a reason to do the Griddy, South could be in for a longer season than expected.  We’re sure that Broncos WR he blew most of his FAAB money on will save the season and definitely not be a one week flash in the pan. 

 

6. Smells Low – Our final contender couldn’t quite sniff out the right choices to make in Week 1, leaving Reed, Dobbins and Worthy on the bench.  Breece kept him in it on MNF but in the end, he fell short by just a nose.  And if the Eagles new center can’t unclog the line of scrimmage like Afrin for Hurts to push his way to double digit TDs again, Riley may have preemptively stuck his snout into the contenders circle without actually having the credentials.  He’ll get another chance this week against Finken to clear those sinuses out and prove he belongs. 

 

Riley after Week 1

7. Play It Backwards – While Mitch lost as he hoped this week, several things went very well for him.  Jamo broke out and may actually be an NFL player going forward and not just a knucklehead.  Bowers looked good and Penix watch has begun.  And now he gets to trade Mason to South for a ransom if CMC is actually out for any length of time.  While his dynasty team is down this year, his future is looking bright enough, he may want to start looking for shades.

 

Mitch might need Blue-Blockers to check in our his future.

8. I’m Out – Yes Abel, this season…you definitely are.  Please start watching a lot of college football because half of the next draft is going to be on your roster.  Be ready to choose wisely.

Abel finally taking his team seriously.

Season 12 - Draft Review and Predictions

Boys and Girls of All Ages,

As we log another great draft weekend into the books, it is time to make my “stone cold lock of the year final predictions” for the upcoming season.  Typically this is the part where we would look back on last year’s results and marvel at the accuracy and vision that came with the preseason predictions.  Due to some slumlord commitments, those predictions never came.  I’d prefer to see this as a glass-half-full scenario so I’m declaring last year as my most accurate prediction as I had zero incorrect rankings but probably added another title to my tally.

Recapping the offseason, a fair number of blockbuster trades foreshadowed the trade extravaganza that was the ‘24 draft.  Mitch and Kyle started the action with the “trade heard round the world” that reset the dynasty QB market and made the contender/rebuild intentions known to the league.  While there has been much head-scratching around this trade; Kyle’s crazy-like-a-fox approach puts the league on notice that he is serious about being a contender this season.  On the coattails of this trade, Chris sends a (editor’s note: alleged) top 6 QB from last season (Purdy) to Riley for what can only be described as a bag of magic beans.  I believe that time will tell us both teams are better off for this trade.  Similarly, Abel began his rebuild and ignited the race to the bottom with Mitch by trading the first cornerstone piece (Derrick Henry) to Chris in a desperate attempt to acquire RB depth on his roster. 

Draft Day: With zero research or data to support this conclusion; I’m declaring the ‘24 draft the best/most active draft to date.  As the dust settled from all the wheeling and dealing, 15 trades before or during the draft were completed as teams jockeyed for position to snag their guys from a deep and polarizing draft class.  Top-tier talent and premium picks get moved to new teams as we see the 1.3, 1.4, Kelce, DeVonta Smith, Davonte Adams, Cooper Kupp, DK Metcalf, Hockenson, Higgins, Rhamondre Stevenson, Hopkins, and multiple future firsts change hands that weekend.  Mitch’s firesale was a success with only a few elder RBs left on the rack and Abel offloaded 2nd tier talent and collected additional 1st round picks in 2025.  It was an eventful few hours.  

Now, let’s dig in and see which teams came out ahead after all the wheeling and dealing.  I attached my very secretive and scientific mathematical algorithm that spit out a patent-pending Power Ranking score for each team.  That makes these predictions iron-clad and guaranteed.  Deal with it.

TIER 3 - REBUILD MODE

Two teams have entered the race to the bottom this season. Both rosters saw their contending windows close at the end of last season (if they were open at all…) and have wisely turned their eye to the future.  

 #8 Play It Backwards - Power Ranking 42

Trade/Draft Grade: A+ 

Along with his wife’s horses, Mitch has been trying to pawn off his has-been superstars for months.  With a number of expiring assets on the edge of the fantasy cliff, Mitch wisely decided to take the plunge into a deep rebuild.  With the patience of a master chicken smoker, he patiently waited until draft day to maximize value and leverage.  

It’s hard to find a trade that Mitch didn’t “win” as he stockpiled multiple 1st round picks for the next three seasons, mainly from Lehman.  Now he has the capital to gather young players in the draft or buy some big names.  Acquiring Tee Higgins and Jamo to jumpstart his WR room and drafting Caleb Williams and Bowers as cornerstones give him a solid foundation for a quick turnaround.  For now, he is winning the race for 1.1 next year.

Roster Analysis

Woof… they say you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet.  Right now, all the ingredients for his next championship are in the fridge (aka seniors in high school) and he is looking to have some egg on his face this upcoming season.  Williams, Maye, and Levis are promising but VERY unproven QBs on potentially bad teams with unproven coaches.  Given that most 1st round quarterbacks are misses, his work at QB might not be done. (Disclaimer: Not official ranking committee analysis, but it’s fun to drag on Mitch’s plans.)  Moore and Higgins are currently in situations that cap them from becoming elite WRs, but their situations may improve by the time Mitch is ready to compete..  His two starting RBs graduated college with me and he currently projects to start Jamo, Rico, and Antonio Gibson as his FLEX at full strength.  My crystal ball projects more weeks flirting with the 100 point threshold than wins on the season.

Wild Cards

The Justin Fields reclamation project in Pittsburg has some promise; maybe scoring kick return yards next year will make him relevant again.  I like the Javon Baker draft pick as a sleeper but asking a NE WR to breakout in a crowded receiver room with a rookie QB is a tall order.  Rico has the opportunity (not sure about the talent) to become a thing in Dallas.  None of which are getting him out of providing either food or drinks at the draft next year.  Now if we can just get him to show up on time for a change.

#7 I’m Out - Power Ranking 47

Trade/Draft Grade: C+ 

I like the moves to unload Metcalf, Henry, and Kelce and I think Abel got slight overpays on most of those trades.  The handful of lottery ticket players like Charbonet, Wan’Dale, and Hyatt should have a little extra runway with the expanded 30-man rosters.

Acquiring draft capital is one thing, making draft picks is another.  With a roster in need of everything, Much like apparently the rest of the NFL, I think the McCarthy pick was a reach when there were some high upside WR available at 1.8.  I like the Roman Willson and Ben Sinnott picks a LOT.  Giving up an extra 3rd to move up one spot and grab Legette was an overpay but sometimes we do what we gotta do to get our guy (right Riley?).

Moving forward, I’m Out needs to carry the “trade fever” (except for Trevor Lawrence) from the weekend into the regular season and discover the waiver wire.  Seriously Abel, this is the year to make it happen.  The entire league is rooting for him to reshape this roster and bring back Playoff Abel ASAP.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help/advice to move those last few pieces.  It would be a mistake if Cousins, Carr, Keenan Allen, and Josh Jacobs were still on this roster at the end of the season.

Roster Analysis

The expression “Good is the enemy of great” applies here.  I’m Out is good at QB, WR, and TE but truly lacks the top tier players that can win matchups by themselves on any given week.  There are a lot of consistent players but all cap out in the mid tier of scorers.  Practicing with Tinder could be a good intro into scanning the waiver wire for potential studs.  Put that time in Abel.

Wild Cards

McCarthy is surrounded by talent and has a competent coach as he enters the NFL.  I think his range falls between a poor man’s Purdy as a game manager in a good offense and the efficient ceiling of Goff with some mobility.  I also like the acquisition of Charbonet; hoping a new coaching staff will realize he is actually the better RB in Seattle.  Addison flashed his potential last season and took full advantage of JJetta missing time.  Unfortunately, he will forever be the Robin to Jefferson’s Batman in this offense.  Lastly, Legette has a wide range of outcomes.  His one-hit-wonder of college production earned him round 1 draft capital but he enters a struggling offense as the #2 WR at best.  An improved #1 overall pick Bryce Young should deliver a better season in Carolina but I’m not sure how much of that small pie will go his way.

TIER 2 - THE MUDDY MIDDLE

This tier holds four teams fighting it out for two playoff spots.  All four teams had some pretty drastic makeovers on draft weekend as they jockeyed for position in the arms race to catch teams 1 and 2 in our rankings.  Honestly, all four teams were within a few points in my Power Rankings analysis; injuries and a little breakout luck will probably be the final factors in sorting this group.

#6 Off Suit 10’s – Power Ranking 74

Trade/Draft Grade: C- 

Hold on, I really have to prepare myself mentally for what I’m about to say. (clears throat)  I really like what Kyle has done over the past few seasons to rebuild this roster.  I think he is way farther ahead of where I expected at this point.  Stroud, Bijan, LaPorta, and McBride had put him in a great position to make the leap to the next level.  Ugh, that didn’t feel great.  

Unfortunately, I think OS10s dove for the proverbial goalline from midfield.  Going all in to acquire Kyler to complete the Harrison stack made sense to me.  Overpaying for a bench QB in Tua that doesn’t have a contract and one year of (hopefully) renaissance Kamara was a bit of a head scratcher given his roster construction. 

If this was any other team, I’d be worried that OS10s has no 1st or 2nd round picks for the next 3 years and that the rebuild might be perpetually stuck in neutral moving forward.  Fortunately, Kyle’s RV-slinging approach and active trading will surely make for some fun, some head-scratching chess moves.

Despite numerous amazing offers for the #1 pick, getting the best prospect in Harrison makes this a successful draft, regardless of what else happens.  I think he got some interesting WR dart throws in the mid rounds with the law firm of Mitchell, Polk & Corley.  If one of those develops into a solid fantasy WR2, he may be in good shape to hit his quarterly RV quota.

Roster Analysis

Reloaded with star power, the starting 10 can go toe-to-toe with any roster in the league.  I think everyone is anticipating London, Bijan, and Harrison to have breakout seasons to propel this team into contention.  I like the potential of JSN but he may be one year away with Lockett still demanding a portion of the pie and the talk of Metcalf being moved around (aka taking slot snaps).  My biggest concern is depth when it comes to injuries and bye weeks.  Having to start 2 TEs is not always a recipe for success even if they are the top two TEs and the drop in talent is significant after the starting roster.  He’s going to have to rely heavily on his heavily invested QB depth to carry him should injuries arise.  Maybe Sleeper will give Kyler a RB designation this season.

Wild Cards

The wildcards will undoubtedly determine the fate of this roster.  White (new OC), Kamara (age), Chubb (injury), Deebo (consistency), and the sophomore slump/step up for JSN and Stroud leave a lot of question marks.

His team will be much like his 4 bids, more than likely he’s missing his partner helper and this team’s out of the playoffs.  But sometimes, things line up and his partner’s Jack and Deuce fall making this team a dark horse for the finals.

#5 Smells Low - Power Ranking 76

Trade/Draft Grade: B- 

I love the addition of Purdy this offseason thru such a generous and fair trade offer; a young, productive QB tied to an amazing offense should be a great investment.  We’ll know in a year if he was worth McConkey and Corum and whoever Lansink lands in the 1st round next year.  

As for the draft day trade with Mitch, I think he gave up the two best assets in the trade (Higgins/’26 1st) for an aging Adams and injured Hock (Tuah!).  Admittedly, those guys are studs; just not “my guys” as I put on my Mel Kiper wig.  I may be eating my words in a playoff matchup if I’m wrong.

With only four picks in the actual draft itself, Riley showed us he has a type by selecting a couple of skinny fast guys in rounds 2 and 3.  As a Chiefs fan, I love the prospect of Worthy for my fantasy of the Chiefs threepeating but don’t love his situation for actual fantasy football.  There are a lot of mouths to feed in KC and all have similar skillsets.  Since Tyreek left, Mahomes has yet to lean on a guy to be the true #1… mostly he just throws to the open guy who’s dating the billionaire popstar rather than force-feeding volume to outside WRs.  I’m more than happy that he let Ladd fall to me one pick later.  

Like Riley at an orgy, Franklin has quick bust written all over him in my opinion. From predraft analysis to his fall in the NFL draft, it seems like everyone but Riley is out on this “go deep” prospect.  The only saving grace might be that his college QB will be throwing him the ball.  But who knows, Riley could’ve used that nose to sniff out some value when no one else could.  That said, Riley may have prayed to the Sun God once again and made the right call, as he did with Amon Ra a few years ago.

Roster Analysis

Everything I said about Off Suit 10s roster can be ditto’d here.  I love the starting 10 but can’t feel great about McLaurin, Jayden Reed, or Courtland Sutton coming off the bench on bye weeks.  Kmet filling in as the starting TE until Hock is back to 100% also means he enters most weeks behind in the TE matchup.  The Sun God and Breece are great anchors with week-winning upside but as Riley’s found out, penis pumps he traded three cock rings in for don’t provide the same kind of quality depth that solid drafting does.

Wild Cards

Does the addition of Saquon and the loss of Kelce spell the end of the tush push?  Does Hurts return to the mediocre passing QB with limited upside that he was drafted to be?  Does Davante still see 80% target share with the addition of an actual receiving threat in Bowers?  Can Achane get more touches to test his workload/efficiency or does he remain a situational weapon in the offense?  I’m taking the under on all of those bets AND I think Walker and James Cook take a small step back with their handcuffs taking some of the more valuable touches away.  On the bright side, I think Jaylen Warren is the more talented back in Pittsburg and I think the coaches know it as well.

Bottom line, I think Riley is in it until his date sees the rapist van thus falling just short of making a playoff run.

#4 Ah. It’s Early - Power Score 79

Trade/Draft Grade:  B-

I understand the Smith/Odunze trade but much like Seth joining my family, I just don’t like it.  Smith is a great WR but is now locked in to the #2 role in Philly for a long time with a mediocre passing QB.  I like the upside of Odunze paired with Caleb for the next 8-10 years.  That said, I understand that Smith is better for higher scoring right now, and we all know Seth is all about more scoring. (Boo that Finken joke)

And just like with my sister, Seth goes all in to get Kelce and propel himself back into the contender conversation.  Before that trade, I had Seth pegged as the #6 team heading into the season.  I dinged the draft grade a bit for the Montgomery trade (another win now move) as I think Southy won on that one.  With the limited draft capital left, Seth did a nice job with what he had.  Coleman has an empty net to step into the lead role in BUF.  Bucky and Audric walk into ambiguous RB situations where they control their destiny and can take the RB 1 spot by year end.

Roster Analysis

Unlike his neckbeard, AIE is solid across the board.  His QB room is 2nd best in the league and he has 8 WRs with great floors and unrealized ceilings.  Etienne and Rhamondre have room to level up this season with Montgomery and Harris providing quality depth and weekly fill in options.  A healthy Kelce puts this team on his back and carries them into the playoffs by himself.  I love the depth but would need to see one or two players join the elite week winning category to really move this team into the elite tier.

Wild Cards

Can Garrett Wilson actually become the fantasy stud we believe he is or will he always be a talented player wasted on bad QBs?  Do we get 2022 Waddle or 2023 Waddle?  Does Pickens take the opportunity to be a solid WR1 for his team or will he melt down when Arthur Smith turns him into Kyle Pitts?  Do the Chiefs save Kelce again all season for the playoffs to make sure he’s healthy?  As we found out, his QBs can only carry him so far.

#3 Rolling 4 Deep–  Power Ranking 83

Trade/Draft Grade: A+ 

Despite failing at most competitions and the constant haze around him at the draft, I think Finken snagged the best draft class this year.  As I put back on my Mel Kiper wig, he walked away with my #3 and #5 WR, the #2 QB and my #2 and #3 RB.  He also stole my favorite late WR prospect in Jermain Burton.  I think this draft class clearly puts him in the top tier for 2025 and beyond.

In a short-term hit to the roster, R4D traded away Devonta Smith to diversify his Iggles exposure.  I loved his move to add Kupp to replace that production this season while he waits for his solid prospects to grow into their roles by the time the playoffs roll around.  

Roster Analysis

I love the constantly high floor for Brown, Olave, Evans, and a healthy Kupp.  I think Gibbs and Barkley make a tough 1-2 punch at the RB slots and give a weekly positional advantage over most of the league.  This team is built for depth and can withstand some injuries and bye weeks without much of a drop-off.

Wild Cards

Much has been made about the Chargers run-first offense and how it may impact Herbert’s stats.  I think the lack of receivers will be the bigger hit and Herbert falls from his top 6 status to more of a QB 12 type.  Love, Daniels, and Rodgers should make great streaming options to choose from each week.  I think Kincaid is the new WR1 in Buffalo and enters the Dynasty TE1 conversation as Allen’s new go-to guy.   If Kupp and Evans are anywhere near their recent production and aren’t searching for retirement communities with me, this team punches its playoff ticket early again this season.

TIER 1 - ELITE COMPANY

#2 If We’re Using Logic - Power Score 92

Full disclosure, my patent-pending algorithm actually had my team slightly ahead of Southy.  Looking at the rosters side by side (and the perpetual promise of a good jinx), I just couldn’t move my squad above the returning champ… mad respect, Southy but that 17th title will be mine…

Trade/Draft Grade: A 

Heading into the playoffs last season, this team had a glaring weakness at RB.  This weakness (and Puka coming up 2 yards short of the endzone) proved to be the nail in the coffin on dreams of another championship run.

Determined to address the issue, IWUL made an aggressive play for Derrick Henry and took the top RB in the draft in Brooks.  Corum wasn’t a draft target but simply fell too far to pass up and Kimani Vidal is an interesting sleeper candidate in a muddled backfield.  

Nabers has superstar upside and all the buzz around McConkey adds two amazing WR prospects to what was already the best WR room in the league.  The only regrets from the draft were a potential missed opportunity in the 3rd round to move up and snag Lloyd and Burton from Finken.  Otherwise, this draft was knocked out of the park unlike anything seen since my 2020 Greatest Draft Ever™.

  

Roster Analysis

Respectfully and humbly, I would argue that IWUL boasts the best QB and WR rooms in the league and it’s not even close.  The high upside of the 2 best running QBs paired with the great floors of Stafford and Burrow help mitigate injury issues.  While most teams have 2-3 top 20 dynasty receivers, IWUL has 7.  This gives top-end flex matchup options every week.  Two reliable RBs mixed with some young potential give much-needed balance to the roster.  3 good to great TE options each week provide matchup streaming options as well.  

Wild Cards

While this team has some wild card questions to be answered, I think that most of them can only blow the top off an already explosive roster.  Is this the year Kyle Pitts fulfills the prophecy?  Does Richardson really break fantasy at the QB position? Is Brooks healthy sooner or later and will he get all the checkdown passing that White did in TB?  Will Nabers break into the elite tier with Daniel Jones as his QB?

On the other side of the coin, can Puka and Nico build on their breakout seasons and remain the elite WR options or will they come back down to Earth with Diggs and Kupp gobbling up targets?  Will the Colts offense actually be any good?  Can Josh Allen really do it all on his own?  Will Ceedee and Chase cause chaos if they don’t get the contract they want?  Can Burrow and Stafford actually stay on the field for a change?  I’m going to stick with my initial evaluations and ignore all these questions.  Much easier living in Never Never Land.  

#1 – F It 3 - Power Ranking 95

Trade/Draft Grade: B- 

Southy wheeled and dealed with limited ammunition this past weekend.  Moving up to snag a falling Pearsall was an interesting move.  I don’t think anyone denies his talent but starting the season at age 24 behind four established receiving threats might delay his useful fantasy window.  Love the player, hate the situation.  That is until Aiyuk gets traded and Deebo gets hurt because, you know, Southy.

In another interesting move, South purchased Metcalf for a future 1st.  Much like brown liquor, I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with Metcal. He is more boom/bust than I like but he always ends the season as a top 20 WR.  I see this continuing for 2-4 more seasons so it’s probably a smart play.

Fun draft fact #1:  Southy has made one 1st round pick (Jerry Jeudy) since the 2018 draft and does not have 1st next year.  

Fun draft fact #2: Southy made three 1st round picks in the 2018 draft (Derrius Guice, Ronald Jones, Sony Michel).  I guess I can see why he doesn’t value 1st round picks.  Might want to add that to your list of items to discuss with your therapist.

Overall, I like his use of mid-round picks.  I think Nix could be the 3rd best QB in this draft.  McMillan outperformed Odunze in Washington in 2022 before an injury-riddled 2023 and CMC’s brother is probably going to gym-rat himself into relevance at some point.  Tyrone Tracy was on my draft board.  With some Southy pixy dust, the 24.5 year old 5th round draft pick who recently changed positions could actually find a role as the passing down back in NY.

Roster Analysis

When you roster three of the top four redraft picks (CMC, Tyreeeeek, JJ) it is hard to bet against you.  Side by side each of the top-tier rosters has star power and depth.  I gave FI3 the edge due to McCaffery operating as a RB1 + WR1 combined and the more established depth pieces on his roster.

A healthy Mark Andrew is still a top 2 TE.  I think he returns and puts these young upstart TE pups back in their place.  Tyreek is gonna Tyreek and Lamar is always dangerous as one of the few legit QBs who can beat you with his legs or his arm.

I think Pacheco earned the pass catching work in KC last year and will be one of the better all around backs this year (should have given that 1st rounder a few years back).  Acquiring Metcalf was big in WR arms race and honestly won the leapfrog battle back over IWUL.

Wild Cards

Unlike IWUL, most of the wild card questions here are probably going to downgrade from expectations.

Is Deshaun really washed (um…yeah)?  Did Kyren have his 5 minutes of fame or do the Rams really believe in him (drafting round 3 RB says maybe not?)?  Is McCarthy good enough to support Jefferson and the Vikings offense like King Kirk could?  Does Aiyuk get moved or does he stay and get a slightly smaller piece of the pie with Pearsall in town?   What is left in the tank for Diggs, Mixon, Hopkins and Kittle?  The cracks are starting to show and this could be the beginning of the end for South’s reign over CNK.  

BONUS ANALYSIS:

As part of my trademarked and patent-pending super-secret algorithm, I use current redraft rankings to determine the consensus value of players on each roster.  Below is the chart showing how many players each roster would have in each round.