Season 13 - Week 5

Week 5 is in the books for our lucky number 13^th season here at the Card Night Kangs.  And first we need to start with an apology.  The Power Rankings have been lacking so far this year.  We started to put some together a couple times since the beginning of the season but each time life, work or cat videos got in the way.  So if you feel shorted or disgruntled, please see customer service and they will issue you a full refund. 

 

We typically we start off after Week 1 welcoming in a new season, but this year we’ll belatedly usher in a new era of our beloved fake football league with Paulie joining the fold.  It’s unfortunate that we had to make the move away from the Abel bye week but if initial activity holds true, Paul will hopefully be fielding a formidable squad sooner rather than later.  But as the first several weeks indicate, it won’t be an overnight fix.   

Paul looking at his starting lineup each week so far.

We had a great draft hosted at Chateau South in MN again and everyone has really upped their game on the individual challenges.  It feels like in another year or two, we’ll be either splitting the atom or just throwing rocks at each other.  The draft is set for June 19-21 next summer so make sure that is on your calendars.  We’re traveling to the faraway and distance land of Adel.  The culture is a simple people that subsist off of their corn rations, Dollar Store trinkets and Busch Light.  We’ll fit right in. 

 

And since we’re expanding rosters and starting spots in order to make the draft more important and trading more prevalent, I’m recommending to committee a rule that states all draftees must maintain a blood alcohol/weed/mushroom/whatever level of a certain amount to keep things interesting during the actual draft.  If we’re raising the stakes, let’s really raise them.  Make this like a Hangover situation and find out who ends up asleep for two days on the roof. 

 

But enough of all that.  We’re here to chew gum and do power rankings, and we’re almost out of gum (special points if you know what movie that came from).  We here at the Power Rankings will do our best to keep up on the going’s-on’s of the league business periodically throughout the season.  And while it won’t be a weekly occurrence, we’ll check in regularly with bad analysis and stale, oft repeated jokes.  But otherwise, on with the rankings…

1. Smells Low – After coming up just a nose short last year, Riley is back after that sweet scent of the championship weekend again and try to claim his first title.  We, as a league, can’t allow that happen though because if we let our trophy hang on the wall of his sex dungeon, we may have to send it in to the CDC (if that still is a thing by February) to be disinfected to an extent the world has never seen before.  Riley lost to Chris in Week 1 but has been unbeaten since.  He sits atop our standings at the moment as his record protrudes out further than his nose thanks to the Sun God and Egbuka dominating week in and week out.  We’ll see if he has the stamina to keep this going the whole season.  This is where his tantric sex tricks should come in handy. 

 

2027 winner after Riley tries to hand him the trophy.

2. If We’re Using Logic – Chris is coming off at least his 8^th title in the past 6 years and usually, someone’s gotta defeat the previous winner before they can be dropped any further (or something like that).  But Riley’s never been in this situation before so we’re going to let him have his moment in the sun for now.  Chris still has the most points on the season but he did trip up in Week 4 to his nemesis Kyle.  JT and Puka have carried him most of the year but now Naber’s knee got gobbled up by the Jersey turf monster, CD’s all scratched up and King Henry is starting to act Chris’s age.  Lazer can’t afford too many more high profile injuries or his chances at a repeat title will get flushed out with his upcoming colonoscopy. 

 

Can't say the same for all his injured players.

3. Off Suit 10s – After a few years of providing at the drafts, Kyle’s ready to get back in the playoffs.  And the way the season has started, it looks like JSN, Bijan and his quartet of tiny QBs may carry him there.  They’ll need to because it doesn’t look like Kaleb Johnson was a wise investment in round 1 (…yikes!).  But not to worry, Kyle’s got a secret weapon, one we here at the Power Rankings killed him for over the past 2 years.  Quentin Johnston might actually be good at football.  After a very bad start to his career and some hilarious drops in big moments, it looks like Harbaugh is actually turning him into a viable WR.  Oh shoot, we almost forgot his other secret weapon…Shadeur Sanders.  You guys all just wait until he deploys him when the Browns finally let that dawg loose.

 

When talking about his QB statures and title chances.

4. Fuck It Three – It’s been a bumpier start to the season than Garrett’s used to.  At this point, he’s typically at the top of the standings and outscoring the league.  But this year, he’s more mediocre than a bag of Runts.  He added some good quality depth along the way but losing Lamar, Mixon, Chubba, Aiyuk, Kittle and now Tyreeeeek can’t really be replaced.  If it continues, it would only be the third time in thirteen years that South’s missed the playoffs.  But Garrett won’t go down without a fight…mainly because his blood sugar won’t let him. 

 

Garrett's future...

5. Rollin’ 4 Deep – According to inside sources, Finken’s season has been a roller coaster of emotions.  Every game he’s played this year has been a nail biter.  He won three matches by 5 or less points and has scored between 140-150 basically every week.  And his losses were all tight as well.  You could say that he had those other wins locked up but Brian Thomas Jr dropped them.  His Iggles still appear to be hungover from the Super Bowl (Editor’s note: remember when they beat the Chiefs in the Super Bowl?!?!) but Judkins has helped pick up the slack the past few weeks.  If he can’t string together some decent weeks and put some Ws on the board, he might need some of Rodgers ayahuasca to get him thru the rest of the season.

 

Finken seeing all the ways his season can continue to go wrong.

6. Ah It’s Early – Like his life underneath the sheets, Seth’s season has had a lot of ups and downs.  He bested his first two opponents of the season on marginal scores.  But now he’s lost 3 straight on very strong scores against the top of the league.  Median scoring has saved his season and kept him in the hunt.  This is not to be confused with mediocre scoring which is what Lansink’s sister has gotten used to.  When we were discussing changes the starting roster spots in the future, Seth should’ve lobbied for 4 Superflex spots since he’s essentially got 4 QB1s.  He’d be more unstoppable with all those guys in his lineup than Iowa State vs Iowa lately. 

 

Kirk, look at me...I'm the captain now.

7. Play It Backwards – Mitch lobbied to end the season after Week 1, which would have kept him in the playoffs and likely right in Riley’s sights of the first round matchup choice.  But alas, the season continued and he is on the outside looking in as of now.  Mitch is employing what we here at the Power Rankings call “The Kyle” where you start two TEs because the rest of your flex options are worse than his Indians scoring chances against Valley.  It’s even more impressive knowing that Bowers is currently on the shelf.  In reality, he’s probably still a year away from truly competing and he’s got the draft capital to load up on even more TEs for 2026.

 

Tis the season for PIB.

8. Joker High – Sorry Paul, “Getting High With Jokers” is just too much of a mouthful.  We’re making the executive decision that this is your new name.  It’s succinct, to the point and related to pitch.  After five weeks, it looks like it may be a long season and he’ll want to start shaving off veterans for high upside and draft capital to contenders as the playoffs near.  But he’s used the waiver wire, completed trades and set a solid line-up each week, which is about all we can ask.  You’re A-OK in our book…

 

Season 13 - Preseason Predictions

Gentlemen and Riley, the 2025 Dynasty Season is officially upon us.  As usual, that means it is time for the “All Too Early but Eerily Accurate Preseason Predictions”.   

The draft weekend was full of memorable moments as we initiated Pauly into the fold.  From Kyle’s clown car full of roadies (sorry, Mitch. If I had known, I’d have put on that 2nd layer of deodorant), to Riley’s sharp wit, to Finken’s moderate amount of leftover pizza, it was great to get the boys back together Thursday night!

Friday’s agenda was spot on… as always.  Kyle was able to seal the deal on at least a dozen RVs throughout the day, no one ended up fighting old people at the pickleball courts, and South did make us all sweat 3 separate times.  I slept real well that night and thanks to my CPAP, Riley and Paul had a nice little first date snuggle, and I assume the rest of you dreamt about how amazing my WR lineup is.  I know I always do.  Saturday delivered on every level; despite Finken's attempt to monopolize the day with Sudoku, Year 2 of challenges was a hit.  Since Southy had to spend half the afternoon putting salve on Riley’s roping welt, it’s good Mitch saved him from digging the heavy ball out of the swamp.

Now onto the real analysis…With a clear best and worst team heading into the season, it seems the other 6 members of CNK are planning to see how the first half of the season goes before pulling the ripcord on a rebuild or shoving their chips in to contend down the stretch.  

Leading up to the draft, several small trades had CNK teams jockeying for position to “get their guy”.  The only big boy trade came from Mitch and Kyle.  On the surface, I see why both teams made the trade.  Mitch was looking to acquire a few premium pieces in London and the 26 1st made sense, and Kyle is trying to add some much-needed depth with Moore, Worthy and Williams dice rolls.  If those guys can navigate their murky situations, Kyle may be looking at back-to-back playoff appearances after 4 years of bottom 2 finishes.

Draft day trades came nowhere near the frenzy we saw last year.  Most were subtle maneuvers to move up or back a few spots.  For the first time in recent memory, NO PLAYERS were traded on draft day.  The only real drama was Kyle learning a valuable lesson not to “just talk about your trades out loud”... this phrase will certainly join “get your guy” as cautionary tales for draft day shenanigans.

Before we look ahead, let’s take a look back at last season's predictions.  By tiers, this was spot-on analysis. 

McLaurin, Achane, and Cook were nice surprises that launched Riley to his 2nd ever finals appearance.

The down year for Mahomes, Rice, and Godwin put a damper on Seth’s playoff dreams. 

Mitch navigated the waiver wire masterfully to acquire (and promptly trade away) any valuable assets while limboing for low points and the privilege of drafting Jeanty.

Now, on to the predictions!  

**Editor’s note: I considered rolling these out in order of least volatile rankings, but I thought that might trigger a few people 👀👀👀

TIER 4 - Productive Struggle

 We knew Mitch and Pauly were at the bottom of a substantial mountain to climb back into relevance.  For the sake of parody and a competitive league, we are all rooting for you guys.  Both took significant steps to reshape their future.

#8 - Getting High with Joker (that’s gonna take some getting used to) Power Ranking 63

Trade/Draft Grade: B-

Pauly’s first venture into dynasty has been marked with some highs and lows already.

I graded on a curve, trying to remember all the stupid stuff we did the first few years of the league (looking at you TJ Yeldon and Trent Richardson).  I didn’t like the timing of the Tracy trade, and trying to compete too soon may have led to a questionable choice of Ridley over Pittman.  Time will tell if the move back from 1.8 (Cam Ward?) to selecting Jaxson Dart was a turning point.  History has proven that 2nd round QBs are worth their weight in gold.  Don’t Google it.  Just trust me.

A month ago, Bech was much higher on my board.  It sounds like he is struggling to gain traction in Raider camp; maybe this will be one of those “Ja’Marr Chase can’t catch footballs without the stripes” nonsense that is laughable by midseason. Shough appears to have all the opportunity; we should have an answer on the talent part pretty quickly.

On the bright side, you need guys who can win you weeks by themselves on your roster.  It appears that Hampton and Hunter might both fall in that category. While both have some question marks around usage this year, you can’t question the talent.  Did anyone tell Paul this isn’t an IDP league?

Roster Analysis

Not surprisingly, there is still plenty of work to do.  That said, the “Abel bye” appears to be a thing of the past (assuming Pauly can figure out FAAB and how to set a lineup each week).  Lawrence and McCarthy are in promising offenses surrounded by weapons and Chubba and Hampton provide viable RB starters.  LaPorta and Addison are locked in as weekly contributors, while Hampton and Hunter should prove to be electric… too bad the rest of the team is running on candlelight.

Wild Cards

Ridley, Shakir, Tracy, and Kirk should all be immediate sell candidates the first time they score over 15 fantasy points. These short-term assets will be the fuel to add long-term value.  As for upside, I like Pearsall, Charbonett, and Tillman to increase in value this season.  Will they become cornerstones of the roster or will they offer nice trade pieces is yet to be determined. Finding a few gems on the waiver wire to supplement draft capital will be key to rebuilding this roster.

#7 Play it Backwards - Power Ranking 71

Trade/Draft Grade: A+

As much as it pains me, I’ll give a lot of credit to Mitch for completely remaking his roster over the past 12 months.  Selling Southy all of the 49ers' backup RBs and flipping waiver wire trash all season is a great playbook for Pauly to follow.  While I thought the trade with Kyle was fair, I think Mitch got the best assets in London and the 26 1st. In the draft, I really liked his approach to get both Jeanty and Henderson and take the leftover receiver at 1.5. Ward could be a nice addition to his young QB room. Outside of Burden (a little too much Kaderious Toney for me), the rest of the guys he drafted were on my list of players to target.  I’m sure the Warren vs Loveland debate will provide fodder for years to come.  That said, what truly bumped the draft from an A to an A+ was that he found a way to smoke his chickens so that he wasn’t 6 hours late to draft weekend.

Roster Analysis

Compared to last year, the top half of his roster has some serious firepower.  Unfortunately, you have to start 10 players. If Penix, Fields, Ward, and Williams all hit, two of them will look real nice on his bench each week while he’ll be starting Dallas Goedert in the FLEX.  Mitch will likely have to scroll down to the 4 1st round picks for 2026 for any rosterbating material for the immediate future.

Wild Cards

Ward, Williams, Penix, and Fields offer A LOT of upside in the QB slots.  All are likely to pop off at some point this season.  Unfortunately, it might be hard to predict which starters to roll out until the dust settles. Burden and Hollywood Brown have the talent to command targets this season, but both find themselves in very crowded situations. Ray Davis and Jaydon Blue may have opportunities to emerge this season if they can take advantage.

TIER 3 - Outside looking in

Normally, I would just throw the contenders into a middle tier and call it a day.  This year, my iron-clad process has a clear separation in that middle tier, and it looks like 2 teams are outside looking in come December.

#6 Off Suit 10’s - Power Ranking 81.4

Trade/Draft Grade: B- 

In typical Kyle fashion, there were a lot of trades to unpack.  I like the LaPorta trade that sent away some TE depth for the chance to call his shot on Kaleb Johnson.  I’m not sure how much fruit that tree will bear this year, but it should be a solid pick for the future.  I liked Mitch’s side of their big trade better, but Kyle did swap London for 3 starters this year.  That said, Worthy, Williams and Moore sound like a law firm that specializes in “injury settlements and WR2 projections.”.  As for the draft, OS10 added 2nd tier contributors in Johnson and Higgins, but that’s about it.  With the only “significant” draft picks left being a 2nd-round and a 3rd-round pick left for the next 2 years, Kyle will need to focus on player development and hope some of those up-and-comers hurry up and arrive (or get ready to package them up for more draft capital ASAP).

Roster Analysis

A year ago, QB looked to be the best unit on this roster… today it looks like OS10 will be counting on a bounce-back season from both Stroud and Murray to push for a playoff repeat.  The good news is Bijon, McBride and the ghost of Kamara provide plus matchups most every week.  The bad news is that the rest of the squad looks more like a best-ball lineup than guys you can count on week in and week out.  With Jonnu, Diggs, and Deebo looking to sub in for injuries and bye weeks, it will take a pretty healthy year and some head-to-head matchup magic again to put Kyle  back in the championship bracket.

Wild Cards

JSN and Harrison both have incredible potential and room for growth following last season.  JSN is the only show in town and we can hope the Cardinals used the offseason to figure out how to get their best weapon the ball.  Realistically, Moore and Worthy need to emerge as the top dawgs for their team and J-Mo needs to ball out like he wants a new contract.  Rashee’s impending suspension could give Kyle just enough boost to push one of Mitch’s 1sts to the 4th pick of the draft.

#5 Ah, It’s Early - Power Ranking 81.6

Trade/Draft Grade: C-

Mostly this is a “meh” category for AIE. Hindsight on last year’s draft trades is not kind to Seth.  DeVonta and Bigsby for what could have been Caleb, Jayden Daniels, or Brock Bowers doesn’t look great and the trade in October to acquire Hopkins for what became 2.3 hurts almost as much as getting dry humped by his brother-in-law in a musty basement. Seth is hoping to make a little magic with the few picks he actually made this year.  I like Harvey and believe he will become “the” valuable back in Denver…at his age, he might be a valuable trade piece to collect more ammo for the impending rebuild. I like Golden’s talent for where he fell in the draft. However, like a Lansink Thanksgiving, there’s a lot of mouths to feed, and I’m not sure if there are enough roller dogs to let him feast.  Smith is intriguing and may be able to take advantage of valuable opportunities in the KC backfield.

Roster Analysis

No cap, on God, Seth’s roster would be bussin with mad drip and aura … if it were still 2021.  Mahomes, Wilson, Waddle, Godwin, Rice, and Kelce were marquee names 2 years ago.  Whether scheme changes (KC), QB play, or injuries, one thing or another has detrailed these talented players the past few years.  While I think there will certainly be good weeks for this roster, I think it lacks the star power to compete with the top 4 teams in the league.  I think Seth will be in the playoff conversation right up to the end, but will have to make a tough decision to sell off assets as the trade deadline approaches.  If he goes that route, he’ll have some good foundational pieces to make it a short turnaround.  Editor's Note: there was a great sister joke here that Chris deleted but the editor's can't remember it so feel free to throw extra shame Lazer's way...

Wild Cards

The wild card is the question of if the guys above can reclaim their previous form.  It sounds like Kelce’s billionaire girlfriend has Shaken Off some of his dead weight, while Godwin seems to be on pace and Rashee should be out of the joint for the start of the season.  All of them will be returning to situations with more/younger competition for targets.  Bucky and Baker were bright spots last year but lost their OC. Seth will rely on the hope that Dak be pickin’ Pickens over his love of shepherding Lambs as well as breakouts from RJ Harvey and Keon to really make some noise, much like Seth's bedroom on most weekend nights...there, that kind of makes up for the deleted joke.

TIER 2 - The inside looking out.

This tier feels safe on the playoff side of the line but could be a few injuries away from disaster. These three teams proved last year that they just need a chip and a chair in December and they could bring home a championship.

#4 Smells Low - Power Ranking 86.6

Trade/Draft Grade: C-

It was a quiet offseason for Smells Low.  Without any trades to build on or any draft day maneuvering, Riley let the draft come to him … sort of.  If I didn’t like Egbuka so much, this draft grade would have been much lower.  Riley made use of that huge schnoz to sniff out a way to “get his guys”, although he might have gone a little too far in drafting Neal and Bryant about a round-and-a-half earlier than they were projected to go. I like Neal’s talent, but Riley’s been part of far better threesomes than Neal, Kamara, and former first overall pick, Clyde Edwards-Helaire. Bryant was a good route runner in college, but I’m not confident he will get separation at the next level. Fannin is interesting based on college production, but again, stuck behind Njoku in what projects to be a terrible offense while CLE figures out if they have a real QB. I would have liked to see him sniff out a few trade-downs for value on draft day.

Roster Analysis

Fresh off a championship game appearance, confidence has to be HIGH(pun intended) for Riley.  Smells Low rolls out a really solid starting lineup when at full strength.  Hurts is a stud and I really like the prospects of Maye and Purdy this season.  Achane was a PPR monster and ARSB should stay elite despite losing his OC.  That said, I have some serious questions about repeating the career performances from McLaurin, Cook, and Achane.  I’m projecting Scary Terry to take a small step back and Cook to take a larger step back (Allen is not going to put up with his running back vulturing 18 rushing TDs again). Hall and Walker will need to stay healthy and Davante is going to need to ward off Father Time to make Smells Low a serious contender in December.

Wild Cards

A Le’veon Bell-like holdout for Cook seems like a possibility while he tries to capitalize on an unreal and unrepeatable 2024 season. Breece Hall is the best back in New York but do they give him the ball enough?  Do Sutton, Flowers or Jennings become consistent enough contributors that they force themselves into the starting roster spots?  I expect a return to reality for the outlier performances of 2024 and a respectable (but not championship caliber) season for Riley.

#3 Rolling 4 Deep - Power Ranking 87.7

Trade/Draft Grade: B

In typical Finken fashion, there weren’t many splashy trades… just surgical maneuvering to move up a few picks to get his guy.  Like the Jayden Daniels move last year, Finken is hoping his eye for talent and opportunity pays dividends.  That double deception play on Kyle was colder than the leftover pizza,  In what may prove to be the most memorable draft event, advising Pauly to talk trades out loud AND THEN using that to snipe the pick from Kyle (classic Finken).  While I like the tier up to Judkins, I’m not as sold on the overall talent. (edit 7/16: This may be moot as Judkins might be opting for the Maurice Clarett career over the Eddie George path)  In a similar move, Finken moved up 2 spots to snag Tre Harris at 3.1.  I think Harris is more Mike Williams than Keenan Allen, but could be a nice stack with Herbert for weekly upside. Full Disclosure: Hunter and Croskey-Merrit would have been my picks had each fallen to me in each round. Overall, there is something to like in EVERY pick and should prove to be nice holds on his roster.

Roster Analysis

To see the potential in this roster, look no further than the playoff weeks of 2024. I wasn’t disappointed that his hot streak happened in the consolation bracket.  He would have provided at least a bead (albeit, a small one) of sweat rolling into championship weekend.  Gibbs and Barkley are the best RB 1-2 punch in the league. Daniels, BTJ, and Chase Brown erupted onto the scene last year and balanced out the old reliables in Evans, Herbert, and James Conner.  If Olave’s brain isn’t scrambled and if Ben Johnson can turn Rome into the Sun God II, his starting lineup doesn’t miss a beat with bye weeks and injuries.

Wild Cards

I’m betting against a repeat for Saquon…but, there is a good chance that he is just built differently and the laws of physics just don’t apply to him. I just think an insane workload and Super Bowl run make him more susceptible to missing time at the end of the year when R4D and the Eggles want him the most. There are also some serious questions surrounding some of his best contributors: How does Gibbs perform in the new Detroit offense? Is Hunter or BTJ the real #1 in JAX (and can Lawrence support 2 of them)? Are Evans and Conner going to fall off the cliff and will Benson and Judkins be ready to pick up the slack in Finken’s lineup if they do?

#2 F It 3 - Power Ranking 89.4

Trade/Draft Grade: C-

Hard to get a good draft grade with 3 late picks heading into a draft.  A little pixie dust and South was able to trade into (and out of) 2.2 and net a few more picks along the way.  Jakobi Meyers was a nice depth piece for this roster and if history tells us anything, you know at least 2 of the WR dart throws are going to pan out.  Royals and Restrepo are talented WRs who fell in the NFL draft.  Royals is buried on KC’s depth chart, but Restrepo has a prime opportunity to build on his chemistry with Cam Ward.  Thornton is likely the slot guy in Vegas, and camp buzz has been hotter than Abel blacked out at a blackjack table.

Roster Analysis

Southy better hope there aren’t many games flexed into primetime for his stars; most nursing homes require residents to be back for sponge baths by 8 PM.  Maybe they can get the waterboy to swap prune juice in for the Gatorade jugs.  While you never want to count Southy out, we may be getting close to the window closing for F It 3.  Hill, Mixon, Jacobs, and McCaffrey have been cornerstones but are on the back end of great careers.  I see 2 more competitive seasons for this crew, but Southy could look to begin the retool early if things go sideways before the end of 2026. Lamar and JJetta can win a matchup for you almost any week. Personal opinion: I think Nix is due for a sophomore slump, and Kyren can’t keep fooling McVay forever. 

Wild Cards

F It 3 has perhaps the widest range of outcomes this year.  Tyreek looked washed last year. McCaffrey is a league winner… if he’s healthy. Are Mixon and Pacheco RB1s on their own team after week 6… bet at least one of them isn’t. Jeudy and Downs are legit talents but may not have a QB that can get them the ball.  If all of these questions break the right way (*cough* *cough* CMC), Southy is unstoppable.  If half goes his way, he is elite. If they break wrong, he is fighting for a playoff spot.

TIER 1 - Creme de la Creme

25-3 in the regular season and took the PF title by over 100 points puts the target squarely on IWUL's back.

#1 If We’re Using Logic - Power Ranking 96.5

Trade/Draft Grade: B

Not gonna complain about the conditional Henry pick turning into a 1st rounder. If he hangs on for one more year, this team is going to be tough to beat.  Coming into the draft, this roster had question marks at RB and TE. While top-tier RB talent was out of reach, Chris added a lot of lottery tickets to his roster.  If Skattebo can shake the knucklehead rep he had coming out of college, he could become a workhorse 3-down back in NY.  Tuten (Toot’n?) is raw but could get some Bucky treatment from the new coaching staff.  If he can snag the starting RB spot at any point, value is sure to be there. I’ll be honest, the Loveland/Warren pick was a coin flip.  I chose the guy who is 2 years younger and better coaching staff over the guy with a more immediate path to relevance. Also didn’t like that Warren had to wait until he was 22 years old to bully 18 yr olds… or could not beat out the likes of *checks notes* Theo Johnson and Brenton Strange in college.  Williams, Noel, and Milroe were luxury picks with high upside outcomes… nice home run swings that could be huge hits or could be this year's Anthony Richardson.

Roster Analysis

One anonymous CNK member recently referred to this roster as the infinity gauntlet of WRs (and it’s inevitable you’re going to keep hearing about it).  The QB and WR rooms are the best in the league and the RBs (while older) are still solid tier 2 players.  IWUL is currently taking applications for RB Depth and a reliable starting TE.  With this year’s draft, there is hope that these shelves can be restocked as well.  

Wild Cards

While the WR room looks pretty solid, there are some unanswered questions coming into the season.  Is Pickens good or bad for CeeDee? Is McConkey the clear-cut WR1 with Harris coming in?  Nico has new blood in the WR room and has struggled to stay healthy. Does Puka continue to get all the targets with Adams in town in LA?  And who retires first between the two of them?  While I’m not particularly worried about any of those issues having a devastating effect, it is possible that all of them have small impacts across the board. Henry carried the rock A LOT last year, can he come back for one more healthy run? Is Swift fool's gold in Chicago since the coaching staff already traded him away in Detroit?

Sweet baby Jesus, please let me see 4 weeks of Jameis Winston and Malik Nabers… Just to see what happens.

Projected Rosters

Current Redraft Rankings - # Players per round

Season 12 - Playoff Update

Our regular season has come to a conclusion and Round 1 of the playoffs is underway in the former card group (thanks COVID), now fantasy group, CNK.  But before we dive into the dynasty league, let’s check in on the Guillotine and Best Ball leagues, sponsored by Garrett South LLC. 

 While Mitch can’t win a playoff game in his Luther league (that we are all tired of hearing about), would rather play Fortnite than talk to his wife, critiques his 7th grade daughter in basketball the same way he would a senior football player, belittles his son about being undisciplined for not getting up early enough to make himself some eggs because he “needs the calories” and consistently refers to one of his classes as “math for dumb kids”, he certainly is killing it in the marginal fantasy football world. His neck remained intact as he took home the title in the Guillotine league, besting his brother-in-law, with a ridiculous final roster.  A true testament to holding onto as much FAAB as you can until the end to craft a great roster using the waiver wire. **cough, cough…ABEL!!**  Mitch is also poised to take home the best ball trophy as he won the most regular season points (although South made it interesting in Week 14) and now faces Garrett in the title match.  We’ll see if he has enough horses in his stable to complete the fantasy triple crown: Guillotine title, Best Ball title and #1 pick in CNK (more on that to come).

 

Mitch trying to win the things none of us care about.

Now let’s dive into our beloved dynasty league.  Week 14 brought some intrigue as half the league was contending for the final two playoff spots.  Lazer had clinched the #1 seed several weeks prior and we got some new blood in the postseason as Riley safely secured his spot.  Kyle had the wins lead but needed at least one of two wins in the final week to clinch his spot as South and Finken had substantially more points than him.  Going up against Mitch nearly locked that in beforehand, which is fortunate because Kyle lost the median match and would’ve been out having played most anyone else.  Kyle sneaking in means he is making his first playoff appearance since 2018 and Riley’s since 2019.  We were beginning to wonder if the COVID vaccine had more side effects than initially thought for those two.

Riley and Kyle showing back up to the playoffs.

So then it came down to South and Finken.  Finken needed to get two wins on the week and see South go south.  It was set up ideally as Garrett was playing Lansink, who ended up posting an all-timer of a score after Josh Allen, Puka and Chase all went nuclear.  Finken got that loss out of South to Lazer and two wins of his own over Abel’s line-up of injured and non-starting players.  But South didn’t cooperate and posted an all-timer score of his own to get the median win and punch his ticket.  Seth technically had a chance as well but didn’t have enough points to make it work.  The good thing is he’ll have all offseason to work on his scoring stats with Chris’s sister....and two-a-days start Jan 1. 

 

Seth is looking forward to the offseason.

So now that the field was set, Chris took his sweet time and eventually (after what felt like hundreds of texts) choose to face off against his arch nemesis Kyyyyyle in round one of the playoffs, leaving South and Riley to duke it out on the other side.  The remaining four began their round robin to determine who buys lobster and Dom Perignon at the draft.  

After one week, Chris holds a commanding lead over Lehman that seems more insurmountable than Anthony Richardson trying to get a 50% completion rate.  In the other matchup, Riley holds an almost 50 point lead on South, even without sniffing out adding Cook or Bateman to his lineup.  He even left Strange on the bench and pre-whipped Riley would’ve definitely sniffed out that strange…  There have only been two weeks all season when FIT outscored Smells Low by 50+ points so things are looking pretty grim for South.  At least he won’t get destroyed by Chris in the title game again.  Our only hope to take Chris out in the playoffs is a stat correction. 

 

Finken bitterly watching the playoffs from the outside.

In the consolation bracket, Finken posted his 4^th 200 pointer of the year and would have the lead over anyone in the playoffs, if not for all those ridiculously close losses throughout the year.  He’s definitely come to terms with this and is reportedly handling it well, definitely isn’t bitter and angry.  Seth won a tight one over Mitch in the other match.  We’d preview this week’s matchups but we have no idea who’s playing whom in the loser’s bracket this week because the stupid Sleeper app won’t allow us to manage any of that.  So we’ll all just get to guess on who’s playing whom, won’t that be a fun wrinkle?  Thanks a lot Riley. 

And since we’re talking about the loser’s bracket, we do have a lot of draft order set.  The 1st pick did not come without some sweating between the two competing parties.  Well, at least Mitch was paying close attention.  Reached for comment, Mitch exclaimed “it turns out trying to score less fantasy points than Abel is like trying to suck a golf ball through a garden hose.”  When asked to share his other experiences in sucking a golf ball through a garden hose, Mr. Curtis said something about South’s mom and then trailed off as he turned back to his Fortnite game with Lehman.

In case Chris doesn’t have his cheaters on, that is a 0.72 point gap between I’m Out and Play It Backwards in “Max Points For”.  It's amazing that a whole season of tanking between two terrible rosters resulted in the #1 and #2 pick being decided by less than a point.  Some of you are probably just seeing this information but one of us had to sweat this out in real time.  You might think it’s pathetic to create a spreadsheet so you can realize the exact moment all of your tanking paid off……and you’d be right, here it is:

One more Dowdle checkdown or a garbage time Tee Higgins TD (or literally one more freaking point all season long!!!) and Play it Backwards’ status as the 6th least volatile member of the league, might have come into question.

 

The rest of us when Mitch says he's 6th least volatile.

While we are on the topic of draft order, here is what the 25 picks look like as of right now with a fair amount of movement still possible with how the playoffs shakeout.  Mitch and Abel had better pray this is a good draft class otherwise....

2025 Draft Order

1.1 Mitch

1.2 Abel

1.3 Mitch (via Finken)

1.4 Abel (via Seth)

1.5 Projected (Mitch via Kyle or Abel via South)

1.6 Projected (Mitch via Kyle or Abel via South)

1.7 Projected (Riley or Abel via Chris)

1.8 Projected (Riley or Abel via Chris)

2.1 Mitch

2.2 Abel

2.3 Finken

2.4 Mitch (via Seth)

2.5 Projected (Jared via Kyle or South)

2.6 Projected (Jared via Kyle or South)

2.7 Projected (Chris or Chris via Riley)

2.8 Projected (Chris or Chris via Riley)

3.1 Seth (via Mitch)

3.2 Chris (via Abel)

3.3 Finken

3.4 Mitch (via Seth)

3.5 Projected (Kyle or Kyle via South)

3.6 Projected (Kyle or Kyle via South)

3.7 Projected (Riley or Riley via Chris)

3.8 Projected (Riley or Riley via Chris)

4.1 South

*Bold denotes current entry point in draft

 

Now is also the time to start thinking about the draft.  First, we need to set a time as people will start making summer plans over the Christmas holidays so Seth, if you could let us know when your anniversary is so we can plan it for that weekend....

 

But on a serious note, this will be the last power rankings of the season as we all have better things to do over the holidays.  But in all seriousness, it was another fun season (even if Chris wins his 8^th title) and want to thank almost everyone for continuing to make this a great time.  And let’s all try and make a resolution to try and get together or cards, games, Top Golf, pickle ball, a movie, darts or whatever on a more regular basis.  I’m sure all of our psyches could use it.   Merry Christmas and have a safe holiday season!