Week 10 is in the books and it’s time for another installment of the Power Rankings. We’d like to apologize for these being more irregular than a Sunday morning pee stream but it’s been a busy fall for your humble moderators. Garrett’s been busy negotiating labor peace at John Deere with those fat-cat union workers (geez, they’re worse than teachers…) and Finken’s been dodging the ‘rona and gators on the golf course in Florida. We’d love to stay that it’ll become more consistent the rest of the year but it probably won’t. We’re both busy businessmen doing business things.
Anyway, we are rounding the corner into the home stretch of our regular
season. Only four games remain of our
fake fantasy football season and we’re nearing do or die time for those teams
on the bubble. It’s starting to take
shape and as we’ll dig into below, realistically there’s 5 teams competing for
4 spots and just like 5-handed, someone’s going to have to sit this one
out. So without further ado, let’s take
a look at the power rankings…
2. Play It Backwards – Mitch is also is great position to secure a spot in the playoffs. And luckily, he won’t run into Lewis Central in this contest. He’s sitting at 7-3 and tied for 2nd most points. And he’s done all this despite being bit by this year’s IR bug. He’s currently got 7 guys on the IR and barely survived his pillow-fight with Riley last week without Kamara. Fortunately he was given the league’s highest scoring WR this offseason in exchange for beans…not even magic beans. He could cement his place this week by taking down Finken but he’ll have to do it without Kupp and potentially Kyler and Kamara again. History says he’ll need to score more than 116 in this contest but who knows with Finken’s weekly output. All we know is some poor RB is going to get saddled with 56 carries with Mitch on the headset.
3. Fuck It Three – When you think of unlucky, you think of “the only thing that keeps me from winning this parlay is a pick-6”, not South. But this year, it’s surprisingly South. We all knew regression, like winter, was coming. After losing a few high-scoring affairs earlier in the year, he’s righted the ship and is poised to make a run. He’s scored high points the past two weeks, the most points overall, a healthy roster (outside of his lil’ Chubby) and a date with Riley and Kyle still to come. He probably won’t claim the #1 seed most likely but there’s little doubt (jinx initiated) someone will be avoiding him the first round of the playoffs.
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| South after he wins out and claims the #1 seed. |
4. Rollin’ 4 Deep – During Nebraska’s bye week, Finken decided to play
the role of Scott Frost and lose in an inexplicable way to a bad team. Not only has he given Abel his only win on
the season, but he lost last week as a 42-point favorite against Kyle in a game
that probably would’ve solidified his playoff spot. And while his record gives him a favorable
chance, he’s behind South and Chris in points and still has the 3 highest
scoring teams on the schedule. Back-to-back
titles is looking about as likely as back-to-back weeks with a card night.
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| Finken should also fire whoever it is that sets his lineup each week. |
5. If We’re Using Logic – A few weeks ago, Chris’s team looked like it
was peaking at the right time after 4 straight wins and he was ready to make a
title push. But after losing to Finken
and South, the momentum vanished faster than his chances in the best-ball
league (seriously, go look at Lazer’s team).
However, he may still have the best odds to claim that 4th
playoff spot over Finken because after his date with Seth this weekend, he gets
Abel, then Riley and then Kyle to close the season. We’ve consulted a resident expert and that
schedule is confirmed to be easier than a Lansink sister.
6. Smells Low – Much like Chris, Riley was rolling lately after 3 wins
and threatening to be relevant in the discussion as we close the season. However, that came to a screeching halt after
he couldn’t score a measly 117 to take down Mitch. If only he would’ve put in Bateman instead of
one of the garbage RBs he’s been rolling out there, he’d be sitting at 5-5 and
on the brink of contention. But at 4-6
and the 2nd lowest points, his chances are about as good as us watching
a Raiders game from the owner’s box next year for the draft.
7. Off Suit 10s – Kyle is right where he wants to be but even better,
Abel is also right where Kyle wants him to be.
Kyle’s voodoo curses and ceremonial dances have worked their magic and
odds are that he’ll hold the first two picks of Round 1 and Round 2 next
year. And while he doesn’t necessarily
want win any more games and solidify that, he has a chance to make sure that
Lazer’s picks are top 4 as well in the last week of the season. Let us propose a scenario. Lazer goes into Week 14 needing a win to make
the playoffs. Kyle’s garbage team takes
down Chris’s loaded roster of “best draft ever studs” and doesn’t get a shot at
the title. Where can we sign up to
stream this live?
8. I’m Out – Even getting CMC back last week
didn’t make the difference. After 9 L’s
in a row, the suck continues to run deep.
Happy Thanksgiving typewriters...
