Our 11th regular season has come to a close and our playoff field has been set. Once again, South has been crowned our regular season champ. He finished with a 22-6 record and also posted the highest point total although not as dominant as previous years. We noted last week, Finken and Chris secured their spots in the playoffs so it came down to Mitch and Abel for the last spot. Jared didn’t feel overly comfortable with the idea of making the playoffs in back-to-back years, so he decided to spot Mitch a player by starting an inactive Stevenson on Thursday night. With Dobbs taking both himself and Addison out of the equation, Abel found himself in the more familiar and comfortable confines of being out. As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make Abel set a full lineup. And when it comes to horses, he all know Mitch is the horse whisperer.
That left Garrett with a choice, take on the strongest opponent over 2
weeks or find the weakest and guarantee a spot in the finals. He chose the latter by naming Finken as his
opponent. This makes sense as Finken’s
QB options are as weak as his attempts at growing facial hair and his RBs are
as unpredictable as a Kyle 4-bid.
Reached for comment, South had this to share “Like scolding Riley on the
whirlyball court, I thought it was necessary or teach Finken a lesson. You can’t just snatch up the backup TE I held
for over a year six weeks after I drop him and expect no repercussions.” That leaves Mitch and Chris to a two week
dual on the other side for the chance in the title match, which we will delve
into later.
South choosing Finken.
First, let’s take a look at the Trump™ “Can’t Hack It” Bracket. As we’re sure everyone remembers, we changed
the format of this so that there’s actually something at stake. All four teams will play a 3-week
round-robin. The team with the worst
record will be responsible for the food at the draft. The team with the 2nd-worst record
will supply the drinks. Record will
supersede but points scored will break the tie.
This means we could have a new caterer after a few years of Kyle setting
our table. Let’s just hope it’s not
Riley. Then we’ll all be relegated to
eating ass at an orgy in the back of an Osceola townie bar.
Riley's idea of a great meal after his time in San Fran...
Before we move on, let’s also note that the top 4 draft order is now set and updated in the spreadsheet. Results were tabulated by South’s Excel prowess and I guess we’re all just going to assume he got it right because none of us are going back to do that work. Kyle was awarded the #1 pick by a pretty safe margin. Word is he’s already submitted his card for Marvin Harrison Jr but another TE cannot be ruled out to fill the 3rd Flex spot once we allow it to go with LaPorta, McBride and Mayer. Abel finished with the #2 pick but had already traded that to Lansink in their dubious draft day deal that moved him up two spots and added the perpetually underrated but always disappointing Kirk Cousins to his roster. Don’t think Kevin Costner was steering the ship on that one Jared.
Riley grabbed #3
by the cock ring for Mitch, which was gift wrapped by Kyle in the Hock
deal. Side note, Kyle, there’s your 4th
TE for the Flex spot right there and you would’ve still had the 3rd
pick. Seth will pick 4th and
had the 3rd highest point potential in the league. This shows that Seth’s max points were there
to make the playoffs and try to defend his title. But it also shows that outside of sexual
partners, his decision making is about as good as Brandon Staley on TNF.
Seth setting his line-up each week.
But enough of all that, we have months to dig into draft talk. Now let’s get to the playoff matchups…
Fuck It Three vs. Rollin’ 4 Deep
South comes into the playoffs on a hot streak after winning 4 in a row
despite starting Jake Browning, and he is 6-0 in head-to-head matchups against
the other playoff qualifiers. His 49ers
are up against the hapless Cardinals in a game where they should be able to
name their own score and Kyren could do the same against the Commanders. While Finken’s match-ups aren’t bad this
week, they’re less ideal next week. His
only hope may be that Tyreeeeek and JJ are actually hurt and can’t make a go of
it. Finken’s QB combo of Howell and Love
has been a pleasant surprise on the season but it’ll take a lot of overcome the
1-2-3-4 punch of CMC, Kyren, JJ and Tyreeeeeek.
South is currently a 25-point favorite and swept the season series. We do not see much changing now. FIT rolls 327.69-286.97
If We’re Using Logic vs. Play It Backwards
After facing each other in Week 14, Chris and Mitch get to run in back
for the next two weeks now. Mitch glided
by Abel for the last playoff berth even after losing his 3 previous games. Had he not made the playoffs, his max point
total was the 2nd worst in the league and would’ve resulted in him
having his choice of WRs after Kyle to pair up with his stable of senior citizen
pass catchers. Mitch swept the season
series against Chris but is currently a slight underdog. Mitch’s line-up is mostly lined with green
match-ups except his QBs, who could both in line for rough days again great
defenses. Chris is feeling pretty good
about the matchup as he plans to cheat his way to a victory either way. The commissioner’s unbreakable password of
BOOBIES does not present an obstacle to either his hacking skills or his moral
compass. IWUL goes to his 14th
CNK finals 293.07-276.54
 |
| Chris justifying his actions. |
And as always, just wanted to say thanks to everyone for this group. This will likely be the last rankings before Chris forgets about the summer post-draft predictions so wanted to wish everyone a happy holidays. It's fun to do these but we're all truly lucky to have a group where we can do something like this in good humor. Take care and everyone have a Merry Christmas.
