Playoffs - Round 1

It was an unusual week in fantasy football.  Scoring was down overall as a lot of big stars dropped shit-bombs on their owners and a bunch of coaches trolled the masses by giving TDs to back-ups or nonfactors.  But that didn’t stop the PR’s top two teams from advancing to the finals.  Our championship game this year will be a rematch of the 7^th-8^th place game from last year.  The two worst teams rose above the rest to fight for a shot at the title.  And for the second year in a row, Kyle and Riley will fight it out for 3^rd place in the consolation game.  Let’s recap the first round and look ahead to our final week.

 

How did South and Lazer get so good?

First Round Recap

Fuck It Three  defeats Off Suit 10s – 145.08-135.05

It was all there for Kyle to take in this week’s closest matchup.  South scored almost 33 points under his expected total and none of his players went crazy.  Kyle did have the foresight to bench Johnny Interception and Josh Gordon, which may have been his plan all along.  Now instead of making the title game and shipping his 1^st round pick to Mitch, Kyle’s still playing for money and is only in line to give up his 4^th round pick (Gordon’s average is 11.45 per game).  Lehman needed just 43 points out of Smokin Jay and the Jimmy on MNF.  So doable even Yahoo gave him a 50% chance of pulling out the win.  Everyone figured Smokin Jay would shit the bed but unfortunately for Kyle, Brees decided to throw 2 TDs to a backup TE and leave the Jimmy hanging in wind.  Kyle, no amount of tweeting at Matthew Berry is going to change that.  As a wise man once said, “that’s football.”

 

This catch would've given Kyle the win...

If We’re Using Logic defeats Smells Low – 164.18-139.40

A few streaks continued in this matchup.  Chris has now won 5 in a row, he won all 3 matchups with Riley this season and Riley still hasn’t beaten a playoff team since Week 6.  Chris wasn’t bothered with Julio being sidelined or Shady McCoy getting 2 TDs vultured away.  Beckham’s 43 points allowed him to cruise to an easy victory.  Riley’s team was handicapped by his growing IR list and the fact that Peyton will probably be on there by season’s end.  He could’ve made a couple moves that would’ve made it close but Lazer could’ve done the same and made it even more of a blowout.  Apparently one lesson Riley never learned from his teachers at Bondurant is how to get past the first week of the playoffs.



Kyle could've used this too.

 

Rollin’ 4 Deep defeats I’m Out – 121.38-101.20

This matchup was an embarrassment on all accounts but Finken managed to sweep the season series 3-0.  But it shouldn’t have gone down this way.  Finken only had 3 players score double digit points and one was his kicker.  There were numerous people he could’ve switched out that scored more on his bench.  But alas, he needn’t worry.  As for young Abel saw it fit to leave $cam Newton and Andre Johnson in his lineup although they were both ruled out before Sunday morning.  Simply replacing them with RG3 and Colston would’ve given him the win by 15 points.  And now Murray is hurt.  But it’s ok, it’s not like Abel needed that #1 pick anyway. 

 

At least Abel wasn't upset this was overturned.

Ah It’s Early defeats Play It Backwards – 142.72-120.14

Seth put the finishing touches on his victory Sunday night as Romo and Dez single handily crushed the Iggles division hopes by combining for almost 60 points.  Seth had been waiting for this moment since last year’s title game.  As mentioned before, Mitch is the real loser this weekend.  His team fell apart this year, he lost to Seth in the first round after winning the first two matchups, he missed out on grabbing Lehman’s first round pick and was forced to start the SE Polk wunderkind Kyle Orton this weekend who didn’t even score 5 points.  Talk about rock bottom.  At least he got to keep the league’s trophy on his mantle to display the entire last year. 

 

 

Round 2 Preview

Championship Game – If We’re Using Logic vs. Fuck It Three

On paper, this could be a bloodbath.  South is favored handily but Chris has been rolling and is now looking for his 6^th straight win.  Chris may be doing voodoo dances on behalf of the KC defense, hoping for a bend but don’t break style that allows all of South’s Steelers to move down the field but get stopped and have to kick FGs.  It’ll be interesting to see who Chris puts in between his 4 mediocre QBs.  He had better choose wisely since Shady, Gronk and Beckham may not be able to cover up any wrong moves against a juggernaut like South.  They split the season series 1-1, so we’ll see if South can avenge the Toilet Bowl game loss from last year.  South wins 173.42-161.58.

 

Chris many many many moons ago

Hey, At Least I Might Get Some Money Out of This Game – Off Suit 10s vs. Smells Low

Kyle tries to atone for all of his shitty trades over the year and Riley tries to enjoy one last moment on the top half of the bracket before Manning is taken off in a stretcher and his team ages into retirement.  Kyle grabs the cash 136.47-128.84.

 

Without Smokin Jay, Kyle may need Johnny Interception

First Pick in Draft Game – Rollin’s 4 Deep vs. Ah It’s Early

This matchup should be interesting with all four QBs going against poor defenses but a tough match-up for each RB.  Each of these teams have at least 5 guys out for the year so it’s not like they have crazy depth either.  Seth won the first two matches this season, let’s see if he can hang on in the game that counts.  Seth gets #1 164-26-153.56.

 

Who Gives a Shit Game – I’m Out vs. Play It Backwards

Yahoo thinks this might actually be competitive but if $cam and Murray don’t play, Abel is in for a world of pain.  Mitch brings the pain 146.51-104.61.

Week 14

Week 14 is in the books and that means that the regular season for the Card Night Kangs League has come to an end.  While it was an entertaining season, the last 3 weeks have been pretty anticlimactic since the top 4 teams clinched playoff berths weeks ago.  The PRs has compiled this spreadsheet to show a break-out of the points in the league and how much of a crapshoot our beloved FFB really is. 

		High	Low			Pts For	Pts Agnst
	Record	Points	Points	Pts For	Pts Agnst	per Game	per Game	Avg Diff
Fuck It Three	10-4	240	136	2,383.72	2,128.32	170.27	152.02	18.24
Smells Low	10-4	202	91	2,288.66	2,045.50	163.48	146.11	17.37
If We're Using Logic	10-4	198	120	2,147.76	1,886.16	153.41	134.73	18.69
Off Suit 10s	8-6	185	110	2,134.60	2,036.88	152.47	145.49	6.98
Rollin' 4 Deep	6-8	211	109	2,164.18	2,246.10	154.58	160.44	(5.85)
Play It Backwards	5-9	173	102	2,011.42	2,152.02	143.67	153.72	(10.04)
Ah It's Early	4-10	179	100	2,037.50	2,257.40	145.54	161.24	(15.71)
I'm Out	3-11	165	71	1,764.64	2,180.10	126.05	155.72	(29.68)

Please note examples of Chris-Kyle-Finken.  Each of these teams has scored relatively the same amount of points.  However, the points they have faced is drastically different.  Obviously that is all luck of the draw but it can have a gargantuan effect on a team’s record.  This is a very nice way of saying Chris and (somewhat) Kyle have been lucky as shit this year or Finken has been very unlucky.  If you looked at it during Week 12, Lazer would’ve only averaging 147.14 points per game.  The last two weeks have made Lazer’s totals look much better. 

 

Now let’s dive deeper into the numbers.  The average overall team points were 2,116.56 resulting in an average per week score of 151.18.  South and Riley each had high points of the week 5 times during the year.  Kyle, Chris, and Finken combined had high points 4 times.  In fact, at one point, Riley had high points 5 out of 6 weeks (Week 5-Week 10).  The highest point totals for the season were 240 (South, Week 13), 211 (Finken, Week 8) and 202 (Riley, Week 6).  The lowest point totals for the season were 71 (Abel, Week 8), 91 (Riley, Week 4) and 92 (Abel, Week 2). 

It’s pretty impressive fantasy sportsing what South did from going 1-13 last year to dominating the league this year.  Riley and Kyle are the only teams to make the playoffs in both years.  Finken also holds pole position in the loser’s bracket for the second year in a row as well.  Quite the opposite of South is Mitch and Seth, who finished 1^st and 2^nd respectively last year and are left playing for draft picks this year.  Abel gets the privilege of trying to top South’s draft spread of shrimp and craft beers.  And now, on with the power rankings…

 

1.       Fuck It Three – South finished tied for the best record and had by far the highest points scored in the league.  This shouldn’t be a surprise as he has the #1, 4, 7, 11 and 19 ranked players in his starting lineup along with some decent depth.  South is also rolling coming off 2 wins over playoff teams scoring over 200 in each of them.  Whoever matches up with South for the near future had better hope that the Steelers are either on bye or have an off week because it’ll be tough to beat him otherwise.  Either that or pay off Fuzz to sneak in and change his lineup right before Sunday kickoff. 

2.       If We’re Using Logic – All luck aside, Chris is the hottest disco ball dancing into these playoffs.  He has won 4 in a row and 3 of those have been over his fellow playoff teams.  He’s also scored a personal season high in each of the last 3 weeks.  It helps McCoy, Julio and Beckham Jr have all hit their stride.  It was a very shrewd move of Lazer to grab Beckham from the wavier.  I wonder who would've allowed that to happen?

3.       Smells Low – Riley has probably been the nos(e)t consistent team this year being in the top 3 of scoring in 11 of the 14 weeks.  And to nose surprise, he’s doing it on the back of Manning and Brady along with Lynch.  However, Riley may have some concerns nosing forward as Peyton hasn’t played well in 3 of his last 4 games and he’s got some other injuries to deal with.  In nose last 8 games, his only wins are against non-playoff teams.  Everybody nose that getting into the playoffs is the most important, but it could be short lived.  The other thing to nose is that this team probably won’t get better in the offseason since Riley does nose have many draft picks left and his roster will continue to age.  On a side nose, we should start calling him Booger.

4.       Off Suite 10s – Kyle has reshaped his team more than Seth reshaped his body when he dominated the weight-loss challenge.  However, it didn’t do much good since he landed in exactly the same spot as last year at 8-6 in 4^th place.  Kyle had the longest winning streak in the league this year at 5 games but has lost 3 straight since then.  Kyle’s throwing all his chips on the table by trying to win it all this year.  He had better hope that Gordon and Graham pull their heads out of their asses or his playoff stint will quickly disappear, just like a 2^nd half lead in Kinnick.  Mitch is certainly rooting for him. 

5.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – All bias aside, Finken is probably the unluckiest team in the league this year going up against the 2^nd toughest schedule and losing AP, Foles and Ball for most of the year.  After starting an abysmal 0-6, he’s pulled his way into respectability by going 6-2 since then.  His draft picks of Evans and Benjamin were questioned at the time since Taylor Martinez was available but look pretty solid going forward.  He needs that #1 draft spot again if he hopes to make the rest of the league Fear Ameer. 

6.       Play It Backwards – Our former champion has been out of contention for a while as he couldn’t keep his WRs and Gio healthy all at the same time.  Mitch only had 1 win against a playoff team all year meaning he lost the other 7.  At one point he was in contention to move out of the high school ranks into big-time coaching until ADs saw his fantasy roster management and game performance this year.  Mitch will probably go into the season next year as one of the favorites based on the overall talent on his roster and draft picks available.  However, he needs to stop drafting guys that don’t get injured like PAFs and bang other player’s wives. 

7.       Ah It’s Early – Not really sure why Seth’s team fell apart like it did, dropping from 2^nd place last year to 2^nd to last this year.  Dropping $40 on Kirk Cousins was probably the initial indication.  He did face the toughest schedule but he has 2 solid QBs along with Dez, Forte and Jordy.  It seems like he always seemed to go against someone having a good week.  He also was involved in 2 losses by less than 5 points.  Maybe he was trying to equal his protégé Paul Rhoads by losing 10 games.  Our feeling is that he’ll be back in the hunt next year...unlike the Cyclones. 

8.       I’m Out – Yes, yes he is.  To sum up Abel’s season, he bid $60 in FAAB for Eli Manning when no one else bid $1.  Please send all draft refreshment requests to Abel so he can start planning immediately.  At least this will ensure that he’ll show up…maybe. 

 

Playoff Preview

Fuck It Three vs. Off Suit 10s

This is the first of two immediate rematches this week.  Kyle won the Week 7 game by 1.3 points but South crushed Kyle last week.  All of South’s Steelers have a favorable matchup against the spread-open ass cheeks that is the Falcons D.  However, he can’t be too happy about Lacy and Orange-and-Blue Julius being questionable.  Lehman has the names and skill players to keep up with South but the real question is, does he have the balls to start Johnny Football instead of Smokin’ Jay Cutler?  I’m sure it won’t come back to bite him either way.   

 

Smells Low vs. If We’re Using Logic

This series has been a microcosm of Chris’s season.  He won each of the 2 matchups earlier in the year 136.60-91.44 and 132.84-129.24.  If Riley scores 25 points under his average amount of points of 163, he wipes the floor with Lazer in each game.  So Riley is down 0-2 but just like when you’re playing that last pitch game of the night for $20 a piece, it’s this one that really counts.  As mentioned above, Lansink is on a roll and Riley’s team is reeling.  Peyton’s struggling, Marshall and Ellington are out, Jennings is still a big ? and Riley’s depth is not his strong suit.  If things continue the way they've been going for each team, Riley will need more than his season average to stun La Lazer. 

 

 

Consolation Bracket

Rollin’ 4 Deep vs. I’m Out

This is the second immediate rematch from last week.  Finken won the season series 2-0 by very similar margins of 12 and 10.  Even though Finken is favored considerably (because it's against Abel), I'm sure it will be a good battle as these are the only two teams that haven't made the playoffs yet.  It won’t help if Scam Newton is really injured after his car flipped this week.  Abel, I’m sure RG3 would be just as good. 

 

Play It Backwards vs. Ah It’s Early

Mitch won the season series 2-0 although the last game was only won by 4 points.  Right now, Seth is a heavy favorite but it’s mostly because of Mitch’s team’s matchups and situations.  Both his top QBs are facing tough Ds and the Cinn RB situation must be driving him crazy which is forcing him to start Isiah Crowell.  But do you expect from a guy that now drives a minivan?