Season 5 - Week 11

Week 11 is in the books and the fantasy season is rounding the corner into the home stretch.  There is very little drama on who will make the playoffs at this point and who is left trying to Suck for Sequon®™.  Mitch is clearly the top dog and Kyle, South and Lazer are stuck trying to avoid playing him in the 1^st round.  The bottom half is a tier of awfulness and injuries that only Riley’s Kleenex and Seth’s 2015 campaign has experienced before. 

All four of you are stupid, not that I'm bitter.

Let us take a minute to address the accusations being leveled against the Power Rankings and the ability to put out a weekly product.  We totally deny any involvement in actual, productive work for 12 months out of the year that would cut into our time to properly study tape and evaluate where each team is on a weekly basis.  Furthermore, we resent the implication that we’re just “too busy making private sector money”.  If these rumors persist, you will hear from our defamation lawyers.

And now on with the power rankings…

1.       Play It Backwards – To no one’s surprise, Mitch is still the class of the league.  He put a coaching clinic on for Lazer this weekend as he rolled to a season sweep that reinforced why Mitch is coordinating a high level of football and Lazer’s still stuck on JV.  He had his eye on the high score of the year after Brown put up 42 on TNF, and followed through on MNF as Russell Wilson put up 35 points to post the 2^nd highest score ever.  PIB has essentially wrapped up the #1 seed with a 2 game cushion and a huge points lead with an easier remaining schedule than a Lansink sister staring at that lovely bearded face of Seth’s. 

Mitch running wild over the league this year.

2.       Off Suit 10s – Kyle tried to sneak that one by in the dead of night like a shady deal that will go unmentioned.  The entire league was fine with Finken winning prior to MNF but Kyle raised such hell that we were forced to go along with his wishes.  He needed 18 points from his 2^nd starting TE and managed to get 20 at the gun.  We get a potential playoff preview this week as OS10s faces off with PIB in a battle of the two hottest teams in the league.  Each have won 4 straight and while it was expected for Mitch, Kyle negotiated into his contract a new set of steak knives if he hits 5 in a row.

Kyle watched Jimmy Graham grab that final catch

3.       Fuck It Three – We’ve known for a while that Garrett loves the D.  While it’s usually not a good sign when a team’s defense is the 2^nd highest scorer of the week, in South’s case, the D of his choice went off all over his opponent as he almost doubled up Riley.  FIT is in great position as he gets Abel this week and is head-to-head against Kyle and Chris, his main playoff competition.  He can cement a spot in the #2-3 game and give himself a chance to take down Goliath in the finals with his daycare center of immature players.  If South’s track record of maturity or success in the finals is any indicator, we don’t have high hopes.

hehehe...HJs

4.       If We’re Using Logic – Lansink put up a pretty solid week and would’ve beat every other team this week (I think you can see where we’re going with this…Chris, please avert your eyes).  The problem was that he was playing Mitch who posted an all-timer.  While Brown was the main culprit, it was Nathan Peterman who really did him in throwing 5 picks (one for a TD) which lessened the opportunity for McCoy to do damage.  If you ask Chris, that’s like a 30 point swing.  Oh wait, that wouldn’t have been enough?  Well then….garbage time TD bullshit, right Chris?

Chris's anger management classes are progressing quite well this year.

5.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Decimated by injuries and suspensions which has resulted in a 3 game tailspin, Finken’s now looking to find the best position in the draft.  There were a couple moves that would have provided a win over Kyle and kept his playoff hopes alive.  However, the prospect of an early pick instead of getting pistol-whipped by Mitch in the 1^st round of the playoffs was probably a blessing in disguise.  So Finken gets the Cesaer Award this week, but really, it’s like a half-Cesaer, otherwise known as a Paulie.  Entering the home stretch, R4D will be focusing on gutting his roster for potential draft picks as well as finalizing his proposal to have 8 IR slots beginning in 2018. 

Thank the Lord I got off Finken's team, I may actually walk again.

6.       I’m Out – Abel has shown some signs of life recently.  He’s won 2 of 3, seems to have set his lineup set just before 11:58am every Sunday and even started throwing FAAB around.  Even if $25 was on Amendola, who he dropped a week later for a kicker.  Now that Smokin Jay is in the concussion protocol and Famous Jameis is being Weinstein’d again, this time by an Uber driver that most likely goes by the screen name Burkleton, Abel will turn to one Mitchell Trubisky to guide his team going forward.  With a stable of RBs like Latavius Murray and Carlos Hyde, 2018 is really starting to look up….or down.  Knowing Abel, it’s probably down.

Abel, please go add Brock Osweiler.  It's your destiny.

7.       Ah It’s Early – Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Without a guaranteed 40 points form DJ each week, Seth has proven to be a below average manager who’s now lost 6 in a row and sitting in last place of the standings.  Playing a backup to the backup RB may have made sense to him entering the week, but Captain Hindsight tells us it was a worse decision than when Cara decided on his marriage proposal.  AIE looks to continue his strategic tanking in week 12 as brothers are forced to do battle.  Seth is in a great position as it’s assured that he won’t be low points on the year, but has a high likelihood of falling into the #1 pick. 

Yeah baby, either #1 or #1 pick, no in between for Seth.

8.       Smells Low – While Riley might not have the worst record, he deserves the last spot after posting his 3^rd score of <90 on the season.  He had 4 guys in his starting lineup go for a combined 2.04 points.  Riley is as good at picking starting QBs as he is interested ladies at a bar.  He’s in full rebuild mode and he’s looking to turn his team around in 2018, while simultaneously turning his lesbian friend around.  We wish him the best of luck in his pursuit of a trophy greater than any the CNK could offer.  Please take pictures for all of us who will never know such a thing in this life.