Week 11 is in the books and the fantasy season is rounding the corner
into the home stretch. There is very
little drama on who will make the playoffs at this point and who is left trying
to Suck for Sequon®™. Mitch is clearly the
top dog and Kyle, South and Lazer are stuck trying to avoid playing him in the
1st round. The bottom half is
a tier of awfulness and injuries that only Riley’s Kleenex and Seth’s 2015
campaign has experienced before.
Let us take a minute to address the accusations being leveled against
the Power Rankings and the ability to put out a weekly product. We totally deny any involvement in actual,
productive work for 12 months out of the year that would cut into our time to
properly study tape and evaluate where each team is on a weekly basis. Furthermore, we resent the implication that
we’re just “too busy making private sector money”. If these rumors persist, you will hear from
our defamation lawyers.
And now on with the power rankings…
And now on with the power rankings…
1.
Play It Backwards – To no one’s surprise, Mitch
is still the class of the league. He put
a coaching clinic on for Lazer this weekend as he rolled to a season sweep that
reinforced why Mitch is coordinating a high level of football and Lazer’s still
stuck on JV. He had his eye on the high
score of the year after Brown put up 42 on TNF, and followed through on MNF as
Russell Wilson put up 35 points to post the 2nd highest score ever. PIB has essentially wrapped up the #1 seed
with a 2 game cushion and a huge points lead with an easier remaining schedule
than a Lansink sister staring at that lovely bearded face of Seth’s.
2.
Off Suit 10s – Kyle tried to sneak that one by
in the dead of night like a shady deal that will go unmentioned. The entire league was fine with Finken winning
prior to MNF but Kyle raised such hell that we were forced to go along with his
wishes. He needed 18 points from his 2nd
starting TE and managed to get 20 at the gun.
We get a potential playoff preview this week as OS10s faces off with PIB
in a battle of the two hottest teams in the league. Each have won 4 straight and while it was
expected for Mitch, Kyle negotiated into his contract a new set of steak knives
if he hits 5 in a row.
3.
Fuck It Three – We’ve known for a while that
Garrett loves the D. While it’s usually
not a good sign when a team’s defense is the 2nd highest scorer of
the week, in South’s case, the D of his choice went off all over his opponent
as he almost doubled up Riley. FIT is in
great position as he gets Abel this week and is head-to-head against Kyle and
Chris, his main playoff competition. He
can cement a spot in the #2-3 game and give himself a chance to take down
Goliath in the finals with his daycare center of immature players. If South’s track record of maturity or
success in the finals is any indicator, we don’t have high hopes.
4.
If We’re Using Logic – Lansink put up a pretty
solid week and would’ve beat every other team this week (I think you can see
where we’re going with this…Chris, please avert your eyes). The problem was that he was playing Mitch who
posted an all-timer. While Brown was the
main culprit, it was Nathan Peterman who really did him in throwing 5 picks
(one for a TD) which lessened the opportunity for McCoy to do damage. If you ask Chris, that’s like a 30 point
swing. Oh wait, that wouldn’t have been
enough? Well then….garbage time TD
bullshit, right Chris?
5.
Rollin’ 4 Deep – Decimated by injuries and
suspensions which has resulted in a 3 game tailspin, Finken’s now looking to
find the best position in the draft.
There were a couple moves that would have provided a win over Kyle and
kept his playoff hopes alive. However,
the prospect of an early pick instead of getting pistol-whipped by Mitch in the
1st round of the playoffs was probably a blessing in disguise. So Finken gets the Cesaer Award this week,
but really, it’s like a half-Cesaer, otherwise known as a Paulie. Entering the home stretch, R4D will be
focusing on gutting his roster for potential draft picks as well as finalizing
his proposal to have 8 IR slots beginning in 2018.
6.
I’m Out – Abel has shown some signs of life
recently. He’s won 2 of 3, seems to have
set his lineup set just before 11:58am every Sunday and even started throwing
FAAB around. Even if $25 was on
Amendola, who he dropped a week later for a kicker. Now that Smokin Jay is in the concussion
protocol and Famous Jameis is being Weinstein’d again, this time by an Uber
driver that most likely goes by the screen name Burkleton, Abel will turn to
one Mitchell Trubisky to guide his team going forward. With a stable of RBs like Latavius Murray and
Carlos Hyde, 2018 is really starting to look up….or down. Knowing Abel, it’s probably down.
7.
Ah It’s Early – Oh how the mighty have
fallen. Without a guaranteed 40 points
form DJ each week, Seth has proven to be a below average manager who’s now lost
6 in a row and sitting in last place of the standings. Playing a backup to the backup RB may have
made sense to him entering the week, but Captain Hindsight tells us it was a
worse decision than when Cara decided on his marriage proposal. AIE looks to continue his strategic tanking
in week 12 as brothers are forced to do battle.
Seth is in a great position as it’s assured that he won’t be low points
on the year, but has a high likelihood of falling into the #1 pick.
Yeah baby, either #1 or #1 pick, no in between for Seth. |
8.
Smells Low – While Riley might not have the
worst record, he deserves the last spot after posting his 3rd score
of <90 on the season. He had 4 guys
in his starting lineup go for a combined 2.04 points. Riley is as good at picking starting QBs as
he is interested ladies at a bar. He’s
in full rebuild mode and he’s looking to turn his team around in 2018, while
simultaneously turning his lesbian friend around. We wish him the best of luck in his pursuit
of a trophy greater than any the CNK could offer. Please take pictures for all of us who will
never know such a thing in this life.
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