Season 6 - Week 2

Week 2 is in the books and we’re going to try and throw a quick power rankings out there.  We saw the whole spectrum on the NFL gridiron this weekend from the Chiefs-Steelers TD-fest to the Cardinals getting only 5 first downs.  The same was seen in CNK with Kyle topping 2 bills and the Riley/Abel tandem struggling for half of that.  2018 is shaping up to be a weird year as only 1 team in league history has averaged 170+ over the season and right now 5 are at that mark.  It’s not a proper sample size yet but you know what they say about statistics, they’re stupid.

The NFL has been anything but boring so far this season.

And now, like looking at a picture of Abel from high school, here’s a slimmed down version…

1.     Off Suit 10s – Well this is no longer just a token spot for Kyle as he posted the 7^th highest point total ever on his way to 2-0.  He could’ve made a run at the all-time record if he would’ve played Watson and Agholor but destroying Lansink’s hopes and dreams is all Kyle is ever really after.  Kyle also gets to take home the weekly payout prize of having the week’s best D.  Chris’s sister would disagree but Seth isn’t going to get the prize two weeks in a row. 

Lehman and Fitz are on a different level right now.

2.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken posts another solid effort as all of his starters posted 15+ and improves to 2-0.  With Bell still on vacation in Miami and Freeman hobbled, he all the sudden has numerous options on the RB front.  At least our albino friend can take solace in fantasy success this season since his Huskers are clearly on their way to a 4-7 season.  #FrostOnTheHotSeat

Frost might have the Eli face at this point.

3-5. Play It Backwards/Ah It’s Early/Fuck It Three – These three teams all have the same record, almost the same points and solid/deep rosters despite South’s injury STD.  Mitch beat Seth Week 1, then lost to Seth, and South and Seth play next week so we’ll have a clearer picture on where they stand.  It’ll be interesting to see which piece of the ménage-a-troi will be left with his dick in his hand come playoff time.

Seriously, no rankings for these three??? Unbelievable. 

6.       If We’re Using Logic – In Week 1, Lansink had to rely on Abel Abeling.  This week he didn’t even have a chance, unlike Seth with his sister.  And it’s not going to get any easier with Finken, Mitch, Seth and South in the next 4 weeks.  Heck, he may even want to pull a Vontae Davis and retire around 4pm next week if he’s getting another Shady McCoy level whoopin’.  It’ll save himself some embarrassment but at least he’s almost ready to apply for Medicare and Social Security.

Almost time for nap and Matlock for Chris.

7-8. I’m Out/Smells Low – We’re approaching “who cares” territory…

Hot Take Trade Analysis – Smells Low received Agholor and Kittle, Off Suit 10s received Darnold and a 2019 3^rd

Overall this seems like a very reasonable trade.  But you know what wasn’t reasonable?  When the alert was sent out.  Some people keep their phone next to their bed and don’t appreciate being woken up at 5:13 am on a mid-level trade that doesn’t affect them.  Let’s try and keep the pre-6:30am texting to a minimum. 

Back to the analysis.  Riley, outside of a rhinoplasty doctor, needed some depth at WR and TE.  Kyle needed some mid-round draft capital and more than 2 QBs in a 2 QB league.  A rare trade that no one can really complain about.  As a bonus, Mitch didn’t even end up with an extra 1^st round pick out of it.  Everyone wins.

Season 6 - Week 1

With Week 1 in the books, year 6 of the Card Night Kangs is officially underway.  Lehman becomes our 4^th different champion as we got to see Gurley carry a mediocre team through the playoffs and into fantasy glory.  At least Kyle saved the league from the prospect of Lansink winning a 3^rd title; which would’ve expanded his ego from overreaching to ludicrous-sized.  The irony that Kyle’s the reason that Chris won those titles is not lost on your humble moderators.  The offseason was filled with action as well from a four-team trade to a flood of epic proportions on draft weekend, Lazer itching to lose $5 to everyone about everything, Abel betting this will be the year (to finish 5th) and South finally banishing Ks and Ds from our rosters but not his bedroom.

 

Who cares about Kyle winning the league, did you guys hear the Iggles won the Super Bowl?

As with last year, the power rankings probably won’t happen each week unless others want to pitch in.  Finken has gotten busier each day praying to the alter of Scott Frost and South has to meet his daily quota of cat videos to put out a quality product each week.  So if anyone ever wants to take a crack at them, please let us know.  Otherwise, on with the Power Rankings…

1.       Off Suit 10s – We suppose we’ll give Kyle his due for at least the first week since you shouldn’t fall down the mountain until you’re knocked off.  Abel almost pulled it out after most of OS10’s lineup underwhelmed until Gurley got going and Carr threw the gift pick-six late on MNF to seal it.  This year, Kyle is taking the contrarian angle of only having “athletic, dual threat” QBs on his roster and mostly “scrappy, gym-rat” players in his flex spots.  Quick, someone trade him Burkhead and Edelman.  

Good luck with that Lehman.

2.       Play It Backwards – Mitch dominated last year’s regular season and picked right up where he left off posting 200+ and high points for the week.  The only thing that kept it from being an all-timer was wasting a highly strategic draft pick on the Saints D.  Thomas and Kamara combined for 82 and every other skill player posted a 20 or better outside of TE.  The only thing that could derail this juggernaut is injuries as depth could be an issue, as only a few bench players scored in the double digits.  But if there’s anyone to lean on his stud’s and give them 50+ touches a game, it’s Coach Curtis.

Coach Gruden says, "Now that's old school football right there!"

3.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken endured the year form hell last season but now has Barkley to show for it.  He roared back at full strength against South and took advantage of the swing that Bell-for-Conner presented.  He had a scare with Rodgers going down like NU’s freshman QB but it appears that both will be ok going forward.  R4D gets the Abel bye week coming up while he continues to tweet at Bell about sticking to his guns and not letting the Steelers wear him down. 

That's right Le'Veon, keep proving your point...playing this season is meaningless....

4.       Ah It’s Early – We’re not going to hold this loss against Seth too much as he would’ve beat almost any other team in the league handily.  His lineup was solid all around and Mahomes looks like the real deal.  With DJ and Reed healthy, he should be in every matchup unlike his Cyclones.  The silver lining is that he’s going to win the Week 1 payout with Sanders on the bench scoring 29.5 points.  The bad news is that if he would’ve swapped him for Amari, he would’ve beat Mitch by 0.3 points.  I’m sure that loss won’t come back to haunt him come playoff time. 

Coach Gruden, Seth and Iowa State are all 0-1

5.       If We’re Using Logic – Chris was fortunate to be playing Riley as he would’ve gotten it handed to him by a majority of the league.  While a number of his starters sputtered, his core guys of Gronk, ODBag and Julio carried him across the finish line.  Like picking renters, he’s going to need to decide carefully who goes in his flex spots as numerous guys on his bench would’ve made this win much more comfortable.  Week 2 brings a championship rematch against OS10s and hopefully Chris has already told Kyle which guys he wants him to play.

Coach Gruden is just as confused as Lazer's flex choices.

6.       F It Three – As lucky as Garrett could be at pitch, roulette and life in general, it appears that he isn’t going to out-maneuver the fantasy gods this year.  After losing Guice and McKinnon before the season started, he now gets to watch Le’Veon exchange selfish tweets with the President.  Tyreeeeeeeek almost saved the day but he can’t keep beating up DBs all year.  His line-up will continue to be solid based on all of the RBs he can throw out there but the championship upside is probably only there if Bell reports.  What we should all be doing instead of wagering on whether Alex Collins will be a top 46 RB, is figuring which is the next guy to go down for the year.  Smart money is on Big Ben. 

South's only hope this year.

7.       I’m Out – It was a rough start for Abel with victory within his grasp.  Ajayi, Rivers and Keenum did their best to vault him to a strong start but the rest of his roster could only do so much.  Lockett made his triumphant return from the waiver wire into the starting lineup to make things interesting but a whole bunch of single digits from almost everyone else doomed a perfect start.  At least Yeldon might be a solid asset going forward.  We’ll see if Abel will move him into a starting role by next week.

Commendable job Abel for consistently managing your team as well as Coach Garrett does.

8.       Smells Low – With Fournette and Freeman already hobbled, Riley might have to find someone else to buy food for him at next year’s draft.