Season 10 - Week 3

Week 3 is in the books and unfortunately we don’t have time for a full-fledged power rankings.  But since we skipped last week and there were a few big trades, we felt the need to at least check in.  If anyone else is willing or anxious to grind the tape and put some together the rankings in next few weeks, it might be a while until we get another batch.  We at the Power Rankings apologize for this inconvenience but you get what you pay for.

It was a very strange week.  Lots of low scoring and disappointing results but at least most match-ups were close and competitive.  We almost got to witness South and Chris lose to bottom feeders (offense intended) but sadly, were deprived of both.  First by the idiotic Broncos coaching staff continuing their boneheaded game management by trotting Melvin Gordon out there when Javonte is obviously the better option.  Second, Chris losing because CD Lame(b)’s butter fingers dropped that sure TD bomb in the first half would’ve been hysterical. It would’ve meant Chris lost to Riley and then Kyle in back-to-back weeks.  Not a great look for the 8-time** defending champ. 

**all figures approximate

South stands as the last remaining unbeaten team.  After blowing out Finken last week, he got past Riley by a nose, which is never easy to do in that case.  And that must have lit a fire because did he stand pat and hope for the best?  No, he looked half of his team in the eye and told them they were expendable.  He then sent 7 of them packing in trades which we’ll get into later.  Maybe he made these moves because he feels inadequate as the only CNK manager to get chopped in the Guillotine league.  That would be pretty embarrassing.  Garrett’s problem is, now he has several holes on his roster.  When he went looking for replacements on the waiver wire, he found that looked thinner than (ready for the speed roast?)…

-          Seth’s prospects of a glorious neck beard

-          Finken’s chances at following a successful college football team

-          Mitch’s mental health surviving if Chris backs his way into another title this year

-          Chris’s odds of anyone accepting the first trade offer from him

-          Riley’s surviving another season of Deadliest Catch without being kidnapped by Somali pirates

-          Kyle’s prospects of avoiding the draft dinner tab for a 3^rd straight year

-          Abel’s chances to figure out the Guillotine league waiver system based on his CNK FAAB history

-          South’s likelihood of being an eventual diabetic

 

Knocking on wood as we type this but the injury bug has not bitten much so far this year but if there has been a victim, it’s been Seth.  And despite this, he’s remained in good shape getting to 2-1 by handling Mitch in a pillow fight of the lowest scorers of the week.  Apparently Mitch found out the hard way that there’s no Perrys in the CNK.  Seth treated him like Iowa State treated Iowa when they played at Kinnick Stadium in Iowa City 19 days ago.  You all remember that?

Abel got on the board with a win over Finken and put up high points on the week.  We’re not sure of his headspace going forward without McCaffrey but he’s not ready to blow it up yet.  He’s got enough pieces to be competitive and see where the next few weeks go.  Plus adding Wilson to his squad means that they can go cougar hunting together in West Glen on Saturday evenings. 

But enough about all that, let’s get to what the people came for…

Hot Take Trade Analysis

South gets Mark Andrews and Christian McCaffrey

Abel gets Travis Kelce, Zach Wilson, Elijah Moore along with a 23 2^nd and 24 1^st and 3^rd

Abel’s surprising RB depth with Pierce and Jamal Williams stepping up plus the Rhamondre/Harris combo in NE made CMC somewhat expendable.  And while trading in 5-6 more years of Andrews for 1-2 of Kelce isn’t ideal, it doesn’t affect him the next year or so. Abel got some young players and good (not great) draft capital for McCaffrey as the hamstring issues start to pop up again.  And if the season turns south (pun intended), Kelce, Henry and a few others would be delicious trade targets for other contenders. 

 

South gets out from Kelce before he drops off, Elijah Moore before anyone realizes Garrett Wilson is the true #1 there and Zach Wilson before he returns this weekend and shows he’s hot garbage.  My guess is a few of us may have given more or equal value for CMC but South jumped first.  Good on him.  It shows a good lesson to us all…Always Be Trading

 

Kyle gets James Robinson, TJ Hockenson, Davis Mills, Nico Collins and Riley’s 23 4^th

South gets a 23 3^rd and 24 2^nd

 

Kyle gets much needed startable players, which he was short on, and South gets some marginal draft capital (for guys who will never start for him), which he’s been short on for a while.  JRob amazingly healed up from his injury last year and has looked good now than the Urban stench is gone.  Hock became expendable for South and hasn’t lived up to the hype but he’s a Hawkeye so Kyle brought him home.  The Texans boys are maybe solid role players but probably not long-term game changers.  But maybe these are the turning point pieces for Kyle and once he completes his build, that 2024 2^nd will definitely be either pick 15 or 16….

Season 10 - Week 1

Week 1 is in the books and we’re officially in our tenth season of the Card Night Kangs.  They say for being together 10 years, the traditional gift is tin or aluminum.  We feel this is fitting based on the number of cans of Busch Light, White Claw and Mountain Dew that we destroyed at the draft this summer.  We have a mostly wide open field this year where most of the league has a legit shot at losing to South in the finals.  

Chris became our first 3-time champ as Riley and Jared are still hunting for that first crown.  We implemented an optimal line-up playoff seeding to take all the fun/randomness that is fantasy football and make sure Garrett makes the playoffs each year.  There was a record low-amount of trading this year as so many teams aren't sure if they're a true contender or not so let's see if we can't fix that over the next few weeks.  

The first week mostly went chalk but there’s bound to be some surprises and as the year gets going. So let’s sit back and enjoy our 10^th year of fake footballing together.  And of course, on with the rankings…

1. Fuck It Three – After dominating the entire 2021 season the way Zach Wilson dominates Cougar Night in West Glen, South picked right up where he left off.  Hopefully for the rest of the league, that also means that he’ll eventually stumble in the wrong spots and miss the playoffs again.  FIT seems poised to live up to Lazer’s prediction of winning the league this year on the backs of Jefferson, Diggs, Tyreeeek and his strong stable of RBs; not to mention his well-rested and thoroughly relaxed Deshaun Watson.  However, wasting a large chunk of FAAB (when nobody else knew waivers were running) on a rookie TE that scores zero points, he should consider taking Professor Abel’s FAAB 101 course on how to preserve his budget for the rest of the season…or next season…or the following season.

2. If We’re Using Logic – Really our reigning champ should start as #1 and hold it until he’s knocked off.  But the integrity of the Power Rankings must take into account the big picture.  And while Chris has his headliners of marquee starters, even he would admit that South’s team has proven it week-after-week the past few years.   Chris did post 2^nd high points and if Allen and Burrow keep this up, he won’t even have to worry about Jimmy Gorgeous taking his rightful starting spot back from Lance or the fact that 3 Seattle TEs catching passes from Geno Smith outscored Pitts.  Week 1 saw a welcomed role reversal as for the first time in 9 months, a Lansink was actually dominating a Johnson.  Wait…we’ve just gotten some breaking news out of Urbandale; there has, in fact been a Lansink dominating a johnson for EACH of the past 9 months.

Jimmy running into Lance in the hallway...

3. Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken followed up his playoff appearance last year by taking care of Riley in Week 1.  Barkley looked rejuvenated after basically taking the year off and AJ Brown looks like he’ll fit in nicely in Philly.  And while Herbert and some of his other key pieces were solid as usual, there are some cracks showing.  The preseason hype around ARob fizzled than Scott Frost's extension chances, Rodgers might not actually be MVP without a star to throw to, Zeke might be running into 11 man boxes for the next 2 months and his 2021 1st round WR was rendered useless by AJB.  We’ll find out this weekend as he gets South in Week 2 but we’re guessing it’ll go much like his Husker’s chances against the Sooners this weekend (or any other Power team…or Sun Belt team…or really anybody).  He can turn his attention to the coaching search underway in Lincoln.  Hell by now, the coaching title of R4D might be more prestigious than the Nebraska head job.

4. Play It Backwards – Mitch had a tall task in Week 1 by starting off against Garrett with no preseason and a disastrous waiver process.  He put up a respectable total against South but much like taking the field against Dowling or Valley, he was outmanned and outgunned.  Kupp and Adams did their usual thing but he needs to hope that Kamara isn’t actually hurt and that Brian Robinson gets shot again in order to keep his RB slots filled capably.  The fun part each week will be seeing which of the 6 TEs he goes with.  Holding 20% of your roster hostage for 1 measly starting spot is not the type of stable depth you want to keep.  And at this point, Mitch should know quite a bit about managing a stable.

Good depiction of Mitch's TE stable.

5. Ah It’s Early – It was an up-and-down few days for Seth.  First he watched Josh Allen build a hefty lead for Chris Thursday night and then saw Dak, Godwin and Najee get hurt on Sunday.  None of these injuries bode well for his near-term fantasy future.  However, one key thing did transpire on Saturday afternoon which made him happier than 10 CNK titles or 10 more of Chris’s sisters ever could.  The Cyclones of Ames, IA went into Kinnick and shut up all those Hawk fans for the next 364 days.  Congrats Seth and enjoy it.  Don’t worry about that Week 1 loss.  You got the win where it really matters.

6. Off Suit 10s – Despite all the odds pointing the other way, Kyle started 1-0 last year as well.  While his over/under was set a tad higher this year based on some progress in the offseason, I think we all assume he will probably be competing for the #1 pick again this year.  It was a tale of two (H/h)urts for Kyle in week 1.  The goose egg from Akers on opening night hurt but Hurts and Mayfield did enough to take down Abel after Metcalf couldn’t come thru on MNF.  It was a solid week for playing Abel but now given his daughter’s obvious eye for football talent and negotiating tactics, he may want to start consulting her more often on his continued rebuild.

Kyle to Forrest after Georgia helps him not have to buy dinner again.

7. Smells Low – Speaking of goose-eggs, all 3 of Riley’s TEs put up a big fat 0 this week and lead to a most disappointing start to the season.  After all his accumulating draft picks, he got basically squat from all 6 of his top 15 picks.  But he’s playing the long game, something he definitely “nose” about.  It’s all about building.  And after his matchup with Lansink this weekend, he’ll likely be building a resume for another top 3 pick.  He may want to get Russell Wilson off his team during this rebuild.  Based on the reaction after his return to Seattle, that guy just seems like a super-douche that none of his teammates want around.

Indeed Russell, let us ride.

8. I’m Out –  Now we know why Rachel didn’t fight to keep half of I’m Out in the divorce…

Rachel after Abel's lawyer shows her his post-draft roster.