Week 1 is in the books and we’re officially in our tenth season of the Card Night Kangs. They say for being together 10 years, the traditional gift is tin or aluminum. We feel this is fitting based on the number of cans of Busch Light, White Claw and Mountain Dew that we destroyed at the draft this summer. We have a mostly wide open field this year where most of the league has a legit shot at losing to South in the finals.
Chris became our first 3-time champ as Riley and Jared are still hunting for that first crown. We implemented an optimal line-up playoff seeding to take all the fun/randomness that is fantasy football and make sure Garrett makes the playoffs each year. There was a record low-amount of trading this year as so many teams aren't sure if they're a true contender or not so let's see if we can't fix that over the next few weeks.
The first week mostly went chalk but there’s bound to be some surprises and as the year gets going. So let’s sit back and enjoy our 10th year of fake footballing together. And of course, on with the rankings…
1. Fuck It Three – After dominating the entire 2021 season the way Zach Wilson dominates Cougar Night in West Glen, South picked right up where he left off. Hopefully for the rest of the league, that also means that he’ll eventually stumble in the wrong spots and miss the playoffs again. FIT seems poised to live up to Lazer’s prediction of winning the league this year on the backs of Jefferson, Diggs, Tyreeeek and his strong stable of RBs; not to mention his well-rested and thoroughly relaxed Deshaun Watson. However, wasting a large chunk of FAAB (when nobody else knew waivers were running) on a rookie TE that scores zero points, he should consider taking Professor Abel’s FAAB 101 course on how to preserve his budget for the rest of the season…or next season…or the following season.
2. If We’re Using Logic – Really our reigning champ should start as #1 and hold it until he’s knocked off. But the integrity of the Power Rankings must take into account the big picture. And while Chris has his headliners of marquee starters, even he would admit that South’s team has proven it week-after-week the past few years. Chris did post 2nd high points and if Allen and Burrow keep this up, he won’t even have to worry about Jimmy Gorgeous taking his rightful starting spot back from Lance or the fact that 3 Seattle TEs catching passes from Geno Smith outscored Pitts. Week 1 saw a welcomed role reversal as for the first time in 9 months, a Lansink was actually dominating a Johnson. Wait…we’ve just gotten some breaking news out of Urbandale; there has, in fact been a Lansink dominating a johnson for EACH of the past 9 months.
Jimmy running into Lance in the hallway...
3. Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken followed up his playoff appearance last year by taking care of Riley in Week 1. Barkley looked rejuvenated after basically taking the year off and AJ Brown looks like he’ll fit in nicely in Philly. And while Herbert and some of his other key pieces were solid as usual, there are some cracks showing. The preseason hype around ARob fizzled than Scott Frost's extension chances, Rodgers might not actually be MVP without a star to throw to, Zeke might be running into 11 man boxes for the next 2 months and his 2021 1st round WR was rendered useless by AJB. We’ll find out this weekend as he gets South in Week 2 but we’re guessing it’ll go much like his Husker’s chances against the Sooners this weekend (or any other Power team…or Sun Belt team…or really anybody). He can turn his attention to the coaching search underway in Lincoln. Hell by now, the coaching title of R4D might be more prestigious than the Nebraska head job.
4. Play It Backwards – Mitch had a tall task in Week 1 by starting off against Garrett with no preseason and a disastrous waiver process. He put up a respectable total against South but much like taking the field against Dowling or Valley, he was outmanned and outgunned. Kupp and Adams did their usual thing but he needs to hope that Kamara isn’t actually hurt and that Brian Robinson gets shot again in order to keep his RB slots filled capably. The fun part each week will be seeing which of the 6 TEs he goes with. Holding 20% of your roster hostage for 1 measly starting spot is not the type of stable depth you want to keep. And at this point, Mitch should know quite a bit about managing a stable.
Good depiction of Mitch's TE stable.
5. Ah It’s Early – It was an up-and-down few days for Seth. First he watched Josh Allen build a hefty lead for Chris Thursday night and then saw Dak, Godwin and Najee get hurt on Sunday. None of these injuries bode well for his near-term fantasy future. However, one key thing did transpire on Saturday afternoon which made him happier than 10 CNK titles or 10 more of Chris’s sisters ever could. The Cyclones of Ames, IA went into Kinnick and shut up all those Hawk fans for the next 364 days. Congrats Seth and enjoy it. Don’t worry about that Week 1 loss. You got the win where it really matters.
6. Off Suit 10s – Despite all the odds pointing the other way, Kyle started 1-0 last year as well. While his over/under was set a tad higher this year based on some progress in the offseason, I think we all assume he will probably be competing for the #1 pick again this year. It was a tale of two (H/h)urts for Kyle in week 1. The goose egg from Akers on opening night hurt but Hurts and Mayfield did enough to take down Abel after Metcalf couldn’t come thru on MNF. It was a solid week for playing Abel but now given his daughter’s obvious eye for football talent and negotiating tactics, he may want to start consulting her more often on his continued rebuild.
Kyle to Forrest after Georgia helps him not have to buy dinner again.
7. Smells Low – Speaking of goose-eggs, all 3 of Riley’s TEs put up a big fat 0 this week and lead to a most disappointing start to the season. After all his accumulating draft picks, he got basically squat from all 6 of his top 15 picks. But he’s playing the long game, something he definitely “nose” about. It’s all about building. And after his matchup with Lansink this weekend, he’ll likely be building a resume for another top 3 pick. He may want to get Russell Wilson off his team during this rebuild. Based on the reaction after his return to Seattle, that guy just seems like a super-douche that none of his teammates want around.
Indeed Russell, let us ride.
8. I’m Out – Now we know why Rachel didn’t
fight to keep half of I’m Out in the divorce…
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| Rachel after Abel's lawyer shows her his post-draft roster. |
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