Season 11 - Week 6

Week 6 is in the books and we’re nearing the mid-way point of our fake football season.  There won’t be a power rankings for a few weeks so let’s do a quick check-in with where we’re at in all of our leagues.

In the Best Ball League, Riley sits atop the standings tied for the best record at 5-1 and just barely ahead of Seth in points scored.  Abel sits just a nose behind Riley at 5-1 as the tough decisions like whether or not to start Travis Kelce are removed from this league.  Beth rounds out the top contenders at #2 but he’s still the #1 son in Den’s heart.  South surprisingly sits at the bottom of the standings at 0-6 but he has outscored Lehman, who sits at the bottom of points scored.  Unfortunately for South, Kyle’s one win comes against that Big Chungus squad.  Only time will tell who will emerge as the master of no-effort football.

 

Best Ball is the opposite of this.

In the Guillotine League, there are 10 teams remaining and 5 of us.  Kyle was the first to get chopped after Burrow and Chase laid an egg, Swift hadn’t been given the reigns in Philly yet and Kadarius Toney was stinking up his roster.  Next it was Abel in Week 3.  Amazingly, he beat Kyle’s Week 1 score despite having 3 guys not starting in his lineup.  Not signing into the league and adjusting a roster surprised no one and means he’ll be Abel to find the time to squeeze Kelce into his starting lineup (hopefully). 

Then we had a few randoms get eliminated after not bothering to set their lineups before we come to Week 6 when lighting stuck Lansink’s Thunderstuck squad.  His whole roster underperformed but his poo-poo platter of RBs really did him in.  Sometimes hedging your bets by playing your opponent’s best players in the Guillotine League leads to heartbreak in both leagues.  Especially when your man-crush Je’Marr Chase doesn’t repeat his 50+ point effort.  We’ll see who the bell tolls for next.

 

The Reaper comes for us all eventually.

 But let’s get back to the real story, the Card Night Kangs, the league that (hopefully) everyone cares about the most.  It’s was a crazy week as the median score was way down, with all but one team scoring between 133 and 155.  Partly because byes have started, partly because injuries have really started to stack up, and partly because Travis Kelce is usually stuck on someone’s bench.  Enough with that, on with the Power Rankings…

1. Fuck It Three – Week 6 was the first week in many moons that South was not the highest projected scorer.  He regains that title this week (at least as of now) in his showdown with Abel but the injuries are starting to pile up.  Without JJ, Montgomery and potentially CMC, he finally gets a taste of what it’s like for the rest of us having to make decisions about which part-time guy to throw in the last few Flex spots. On the bright side, he has the unexpected staring RB for the Colts to vulture all of those rushing TDs from JT. 

 

Either side, South will probably still win.

2. Play It Backwards – Mitch has reeled off 5 wins in a row and now that he’s got Kamara and Ekeler healthy and available, he may be the new favorite for this year.  That is, if Fields can keep himself healthy.  If Mitch is relying on Handsome Jimmy G or the Levis/Willis stack to fill the #2 QB hole the rest of the year, he may need to focus on getting his Indianola RBs 50+ carries per game to make up for it.  Even if Kyler starts his comeback, I think we all know that’ll eventually fall…short.

 

Kyler even after the leg extension surgery.

3. I’m Out – After starting the season 0-3, Abel has started rowing that boat to prosperity and 3 straight wins.  Keenan Allen and Thielen have been WR 3 and 4 on the year and his QBs have kept him in it.  Now if he would only keep playing that stud TE he traded for last year, he’d really be in cruise control.  I don’t remember who that TE is though.  Just a low key guy who you never hear about or never see any commercials with.  Someday he might become a household name.

 

Who is this mystery man?

4. If We’re Using Logic – Chris has been the anti-Abel.  He started 3-0 and then has preceded to go 0-3.  And that is with Burrow/Chase starting to turn it on and getting Jonathan Taylor back in the line-up.  Purdy could only do so much when he wasn’t playing a cream-puff defense with all his weapons.  It doesn’t get any easier this week against Mitch without most of his big guns.  With the sweet taste of Pitts scoring double digits two weeks in a row, Chris is hoping to hold onto that last playoff spot, for he knows South will be waiting there, ripe for the taking as usual. 

 

Chris sneaks in and spoils Souths fun.

5. Rollin 4 Deep – Finken got off a 3 game slide with a win over Riley thanks to all his guys on MNF.  The past few weeks, he’s had to navigate more Qs on his roster than you’d see at a Trump rally so he’ll need to get some guys healthy in order to weather the bye week storm.  As an avid dynasty player, President Trump once said, “I never had roster problems.  Possibly it’s one of the reasons – certainly one of the very big reasons – I got elected in the first place.  These reasons – trade and things related to trade – made me a success in the first place.  I’ve been talking about it for a long time, along with many other subjects frankly.  You think Biden could handle a dynasty roster.  I wouldn’t trust him with Don Jr’s team.”

 

6. Smells Low – Riley sniffed sweet success early by being the only one to take down South like a hoppy home-brew, the sour taste of defeat soon followed.  Achane was a revelation until he got hit more than 3 times in a game and broke like a giant remote controlled truck.  The silver lining is that he has a chance to get back into contention with a lay-up game against Lehman this week.  Only thing easier than a win in this situation is his sister.

 

Riley managing his team this year just like car time at the draft.

7. Ah It’s Early – Seth’s team has really come back to Earth now that his QBs aren’t putting up video game numbers each week like last season.  Mahomes lost Bienemy and got Nagy, Dak lost Kellen Moore and got Mike McCarthy and Goff, well, is Goff.  He had better get the win this weekend because after that, it’s a visit from top 3 teams in Mitch and Abel.  AIE may have to consider whether or not it’s too early to sell Playoff Lenny to Kyle for a promising young WR. 

 

Shit, I'm not getting an auto-60 out of my QBs this year?

8. Off Suit 10s – Wow, we might have to define a new low.  Last place in the CNK, lowest points in Best Ball, first out in the Guillotine League.  On the bright side for everyone: Championship level sliders.