Well, the power rankings decided to get
an early start on the week and had a whole narrative planned out about how the
top 4 teams all beat the bottom four teams and how the playoff picture was
basically set and the final 4 weeks would be pretty uneventful. And then….with 5:30 remaining in the MNF
game, KBen (as his close friends call him) collected his 2nd TD
catch of the 4th quarter and to help Finken take the lead away from
Lazer and shake everything up. There is
still a large divide between the top half and the bottom half as Riley and
South have already clinched playoff spots.
But Lazer’s loss leaves the door open for one of the 3-7 teams to creep
up and catch him. They had better work
fast as there’s only 4 weeks of season left to go, but I’m telling you there’s
a chance. And now, on with the power
rankings…
1.
Smells Low –
Riley remains at the top by a nose hair as he has the best record and the most
points along with putting up the most points in rivalry week. In fact, Riley has scored the most points
each week in 5 of the last 6 weeks.
Think about that, a bunch of grown men are getting their asses whipped
by a goddamn college kid. And he did it this week without Brady or a few
of his other top weapons. Luckily, along with Lynch's huge game, his
NAMBLA-esque love partner Peyton carried him to victory by not allowing his back-up to see the field in a blow-out. No wonder Peyton is the all time leader of everything except playoff wins, the greedy stat whore. Riley swept his season
series with Seth and snuffed out any chance of being dethroned this week.
2.
Fuck It Three –
After losing 2 games in Week 6 and 7, Garrett’s reeled off 3 straight W’s to
clinch a playoff spot. In the only other
relatively close game this week, South didn’t need Luck or Big Ben to throw for
6 TDs. It was superior fantasy sportsing
that allowed South to score his lowest point total of the year and still come
out victorious and sweep the season series against Mitch and achieve true Luther legendary status. South has the toughest remaining schedule, playing Finken and then the other top 4 teams. I would recommend resting his starters and getting healthy this week in preparation for that home stretch.
3.
Off Suit 10s –
Kyle kept it rolling with his 4th straight victory and claimed his
rightful throne as the King of Winterset.
He rode the back of Rodgers and Jimmy Graham to an easy decapitation of Jared that avenged
the early season loss at the hands of House Abel. Kyle can pretty much lock up his spot in the
playoffs this weekend while eliminating his recent trading partner in their match. However with only 4 weeks to go, there's little chance of him moving up into the top 2 spots unless one of those powerhouses in front of him really beings to stumble. That would take a Kirk Ferentzing of epic proportions.
4.
If We’re Using
Logic – Chris was leading by 8 going into the MNF game and all he needed to do
was to have McCoy do something and Benjamin do less. Unfortunately for him, the opposite happened
and he was handed his first losing streak of the season. Now he has to carry the Caesar award into
Week 11. For some reason, Chris has 2
kickers on his roster and a simple switcheroo of them would’ve given him the
win. He also had 4 other guys on his
bench that scored 20 or more points that would’ve done the trick as well. While Chris is still fairly safe in the
playoff picture sitting at 6-4, he’s also very fortunate. The Yahoo recaps illustrates how he would be
1-7 if he would’ve played Finken’s schedule.
And this coming week, he gets the #1 team who’s getting Brady back. If he’s not careful, the losing streak may
continue. Luckily, if there’s one thing
Chris is good at handling, it’s losing in ridiculous fashion.
5.
Bye Week – For the
2nd week in a row, Finken loses a starting QB for the season and
gets a RB hurt that doesn’t finish the game.
But luckily, he found a way to win as mentioned before. The Caesar award would’ve been his if he
wouldn’t have pulled this game out of his ass since he started the Ravens D
instead of the Cards D. However he did maximize the remaining skill players
that remained healthy. Finken finally
started Mike Evans and his 2 rookie WRs paid him back with 47.5 combined
points. Finken has a tall order next
week against South who’s getting Luck back and then Kyle, but he finishes the
season with Seth and Abel. He needs to
steal one of the next two in order to have a chance. Just make sure he doesn’t get caught, Finken
ain’t going back to no jail.
6.
Play It Backwards
– After Indianola’s beat down from Dowling last week and watching his beloved
Bears get their shit pushed in by the Packers (see what I did there?), Mitch
pulled open his fantasy app and thought, “well I only lost to South by 18, at
least they didn’t have to start the running clock.” Mitch finally got all of his WRs healthy but
only 2 of them showed up for action this week and Bernard remains a question
mark. No one on his bench would’ve
helped much either. If this team could
ever stay healthy, it’d be a force to be reckoned with. But with the way things look now, Mitch might
as well grab a seat and smoke’em if he’s got’em.
7.
Ah It’s Early –
The power rankings has to apologize to Riley and Seth. I totally missed what their true rivalry was
all about and that is their connection to the Cyclones. And while Riley rose up like the basketball
squad that soared to the Sweet 16™, Seth faceplanted like the football team in
route to his 3rd L in a row. There
is good news and bad news going forward.
The bad news is that the Cowboys are on bye next week which means that
he’ll be without Romo, Dez and his K this next week. The good news is that he’s playing Abel
without Murray. A victory here may be
like winning a medal at the Special Olympics.
It may feel good but really, it’s still the Special Olympics.
8.
Goldy’s Heroes –
Abel deserves an honorary Caesar award even though this wouldn’t have mattered
in any of his recent match-ups. He’s
left Mark Ingram and Martavis Bryant on the bench the past 3 weeks. All they’ve done is consistently average 22
and 23 points each week respectively.
Abel has now lost 4 in a row and has lost those 4 games by an average of
62. 62 points!!! For some light at the end of the tunnel,
those losses were primarily against the best teams in the league. 3 of his next 4 are against the bottom half
of the league and Abel may be able to tunnel his way to respectability. Even if he comes up short (which he will) in
taking home this league’s trophy, he can take solace knowing he has another trophy
in his case…
PS – OK, let’s discuss how ridiculous
the trade is that Mitch and Kyle made.
Now the trade itself was reasonable and I see how it benefits each
team. That’s not what I’m talking
about. I’m talking about the legally
binding document that was obviously drafted by the law firm Queef, Fartbarf
& Turd. Why was this not discussed
and put in stone during a card night? Oh
that’s right, because Kyle was too busy to come play last week. It should be a requirement if a trade like
this ever happens again, at least 3 other league members be present to witness
the details being hashed out. I would’ve
paid money to watch Mitch and Kyle try to put this together while Lansink,
South and I sit there and make snide comments and try to influence the process
one way or another. I really hope Mitch
turns around trades this conditional pick to someone else for something
ridiculous.
PPS – Mitch, I don’t understand how your
last name signature is basically just a triangle or star. Is that a geometry thing or does that mean that you get a gold star for participating in the trade?
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