Week 9 is in
the books and much like Week 8, it was another week of blowouts, except for one
game. Drama going forward in the league
may be left to playoff seeding rather than “are they in or out” talk (and just
like cards, Abel’s out) as the top 4 teams have taken a commanding lead over
the bottom 4. There are only 5 games
left in the regular season so if any of those lower 4 teams want to sneak into
the playoffs, they had better make their move now. This week is the ever-important rivalry week
and we will spend a short amount of time diving into a preview of each
match-up. As for now, let get on with
the power rankings…
1. Smells Low – Riley sniffs ahead of
South although they really could be considered 1A and 1B. The power rankings put Riley back in 1st
by a nose as they have the same record and very similar point totals but Riley blew
snot all over Southie’s team when they met on the field in Week 6. Riley put quite the beating on Finken and
maximized his lineup to put up high points of the week. He has a few important byes this week
including Brady but he’s got enough solid depth to snort out Seth’s upset bid.
2. Fuck It Three – Garrett still has the
most points in the league and managed not to screw up any major roster
decisions this week. Yeah he left some
points on his bench but he could’ve just started Luck, Big Ben and Antonio
Brown and still beaten Abel handily.
This coming week could be tricky for South against Mitch as he has 6 important guys on bye including replacing Luck with Kyle “the Neckbeard” Orton. Based on his point total, it should be no surprise that Garrett has 3 of
the top 6 ranked fantasy players for the season. All the more amazing since we here at the power rankings are still not
sure if Southie truly knows what football is.
3. Off Suit 10s – Kyle's ascension continues
as he steamrolled Seth this week in route to a 3 game winning streak. This will most likely become 4 as he squares
off against Abel this week. This win was
even more impressive as Rodgers was on a bye and Kyle chose to start the immortal
Mike Glennon and the Hall-of-Famer Brian Hoyer instead of his love-toy
Bortles. Luckily, they were playing each
other in a game that was probably not even televised. Kyle gets Rodgers back this week but one of
these days, having only 1 good QB and 3 shitty ones may come back to ram
him in the ass like an Iowa fan in a Superdome bathroom.
4. If We’re Using Logic – Chris falls
back down to the 4th spot after a close loss to Mitch. Chris also gets to take home the Caesar award
this week as he would’ve won easily if he would’ve started Boldin or Jordan Matthews
over Doug Baldwin. It also didn’t help
that Rivers played mostly like the turd he is.
It was still a valiant effort as he had 9 spots on bye which were pretty
much all Falcons. If you look at this
team’s record going back to Week 4, it’s gone W-L-W-L-W-L. While this doesn’t look good for Finken this
week, it sets up well for Riley to take down Lazer in Week 11 if the pattern
holds. Chris still has the second lowest
points scored in the league and if we played every team each week, Chris would
be just 26-37. That's still better Andy
Reid’s playoff record. (props to Southie for that stat, which may or may not be completely made up)
5. Play It Backwards – Mitch just
squeaked by La Lazer this week riding the backs of Hill and Foster. He’s luckily his starters performed because
his bench scored a grand total of 26 points.
This broke a 3 game losing streak for Mitch but if patterns hold, he’s
in for another 3 Ls. However (best Stephen A
Smith voice), if there’s one team in the lower half poised to make a
run, it’s Mitch. He’s getting all of his
top WRs back and all his important byes are done after this week. He will have some interesting roster choices
as he may have to leave some guys like Watkins/Hill/Bernard/Foster/Garcon on
the bench. Fortunately for the rest of
us, we saw last week against Dowling how Mitch manages his team in the
playoffs.
6. Ah It’s Early – If Kyle wouldn’t have
had such a good day, Seth would’ve been a prime candidate for the Caesar award
as he chose Randle and Cooks over LaFell, DJax and Sanu. None of these moves would’ve given him the win since he put up low points of the week but wow. Now let's talk about the fact that Seth paid
$40 of FAB (his last $40) to get LaFell and then didn’t even start him and now he’s on bye
this week. Way to get your money’s worth
Seth. Screw it, you get to share the Caesar award with your brother-in-law.
7. Bye Week – Finken went up against the
high points of the week and didn’t stand a chance. It hurt him that Foles and Miller got injured
early in their games and he did leave a decent amount of points on the
bench. Mike Evans is finally starting to
play like he expected after taking him first overall in the draft but sadly,
Finken hasn’t had the foresight to put him in his lineup once yet this year. It's interesting that he may get Peterson back for this stretch run but the moral thing to do is probably leave him suspended on the bench to further the lesson. Much less interesting is that the Eagles
playoff hopes now rely on Mark Sanchez.
8. Goldy’s Heros – Let’s look at the
positives. Abel scored over 100 points
(barely) and wasn’t low scorer of the week.
He also managed to start a full roster.
That’s about it. We’ll see if he
can keep that momentum going into his matchup with Lehman. But seriously, does it really matter?
Preview of
Rivalry Week
-
Mitch
vs. Southie – These two Luther “athletes” meet again after South took the first
contest in Week 3. While Garrett may
have been a national champ at touching other dudes, Mitch is a proven quarters
champion. We’ll have to see how these
talents translate to field.
-
Finken
vs. Lazer – Obviously the best educated of this group, these two Drake grads,
Phi Delts, West End bartenders and Nebraska fans (Chris converted earlier this
year) have a long history with one another.
It’s a pretty even match-up right now but like Lazer’s sexuality, it
could go either way.
-
Lehman
vs. Abel – Kyle is obviously favored (it’s Abel for God sakes) in the battle
for Winterset but Abel did win the first match-up. Kyle needs to even the series but in the
event of a tie, Abel would be a heavy favorite.
The appropriate tiebreaker is a Busch Light chugging contest while Nascar blares in the background.
-
Seth
vs. Riley – This rivalry seems a bit forced but like Danny DeVito in Twins,
these two teams are the leftovers. Seth
married into card night and Riley was brought in by his two teachers. On second thought, that doesn’t sound
great. Riley, is there anything from
your high school days that may be deemed inappropriate by law enforcement
standards on this student-teacher relationship?
This is a safe place, I promise.
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