Week 5

Alright guys, it's Week 5.  Time to stop dicking around and start taking this seriously now.  How can we let the guy who has the oldest roster and didn't have a pick in the draft until round 4 take control of this league?  We're going to let a freaking ID checker at a college bar outwit a bunch of well-educated and high performing professionals (except Chris, very unprofessional)?  Unbelievable.  I thought I knew you guys.  I guess we'll just have to get on with the rankings...

Riley after taking down Lazer

1. Smells Low - The kid took down Old Man Lansink and claims the #1 spot.  Riley used the Pats O and the Denver special teamers to dismantle the former top scorer in the league .  It could've been even worse if he would've benched Peyton and put in either Tyrod or "Elite QB Joe Flacco?".  It looks like he's taken the appropriate steps for next week and told Peyton to grab some pine.  Riley looks to hang onto the top spot for the foreseeable future as he has the worst 4 teams up next.  And that's nothing to turn your nose up at. 

Definitely elite

2. Rollin 4 Deep - Finken looked like he was in trouble going into MNF down by 12 with Rivers and Gates left to go against Bell and Antonio Brown.  But luckily for him, Rivers hit Gates twice in the end zone and Vick forgot Brown was on his team, which propelled R4D to victory and high points for the second straight week.  Unfortunately Finken lost Charles who was the #1 RB coming into Week 5 for the season.  He can't sit around feeling sorry for himself as he plays Chris this week and has Evans and Randle on bye.  Only time will tell if dropping the better part of a Benjamin on Kanye's brother to replace Charles will pan out in the long run. 

Is this the end for Finken's season?

3. Fuck It Three - FIT almost got through another week without his top 2 QBs.  For the most part, his 4th tier QBs did their part, it was South's own tinkering that was his ultimate downfall.  He chose to put a hobbled Lacy out there against one of the best Ds in the NFL instead of Doug Martin against the SEC's 5th best team, the Jags in a guaranteed shoot-out.  It sure worked for leaving Yeldon in.  As I always say, make sure and get as many Jags and Bucs on my roster as possible.  Luckily, FIT probably gets Luck back this week and he'll need him since a bunch of his guys are on bye.  Oh wait, he's playing I'm Out....nevermind.

South thought he had the win wrapped up, and then...

4. If We're Using Logic - Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Eli and Ol Dirty Beckham couldn't keep IWUL afloat forever and now he's lost 2 straight.  Matt Ryan decided to take the week off and outside of a BS fumble recovery in the end zone, Julio was shut down as well and now maybe hurt.  Chris could rebound back up the rankings quickly with a win over a depleted Finken this weekend (which he's favored to do) and South the following week.  However, as Peyton is learning the hard way, so to is Chris.  It's tough being an old man in a young man's game. 

Pretty much what Riley did to Chris on Sunday

5. Off Suit 10s - Riverboat Kirk Kyle rolled the dice and it came up snake eyes (or something good, I don't know how to play craps, who cares) by not playing a K or D against Abel.  He also got nothing out of his TE as well.  While this is probably more of a reflection of Abel and his roster, it does show that Kyle's coming on strong and the teams at the top had better take notice.  And we're going to find out as he plays Mitch this week and then gets the top 4 teams after that.  Unfortunately for Kyle, he's still going to have to provide libations and snacks at cards next week as his (weak) attempt last week with a free pizza and (very) few extra random beers in his fridge just isn't going to cut it to pay for his incomplete roster.

Kyle takes out a not-paying-attention Abel

6. Play It Backwards - PIB cannot be satisfied with his roster production.  His QBs have underwhelmed all season so far, his 3-headed monster at WR have been very inconsistent and he hasn't been able to solve the Bengals RB situation yet.  His trade for Jimmy Graham is proving to be meh at best and his other option at TE appears to be as non-existent as Abel's presence at cards.
 

This is exactly what Mitch envisioned owning JG would be

7. Ah It's Early - Put it on the board.  AIE gets his first win of the season after dropping 4 straight.  The Red Rocket and his tight end (sexual football) were what put him over the top which could not have been expected since they were playing Seattle's D.  Seth didn't have much of a choice because of his depleted roster.  He may want to take a page out of Kyle and Abel's playbook and just leave roster slots empty.  Kyle's K and D scored more points than Percy Harvin did.  It doesn't get any easier either as he now has the top 4 teams in the rankings coming his way in order.  Good luck with that stretch.  There's always 2016.

Somehow Seth pulled out the win over Mitch

8. I'm Out - Kyle challenged Abel's manhood by proclaiming he didn't need a K or D to beat him and Abel's response was to score 92 points.  To be fair, he did set his lineup and no moves that could've been made would've won IO the game.  Other than dropping Rice and RG3 weeks ago and hitting the waiver wire for reinforcements.  But that would've taken foresight and effort, somewhat like chess.  I'm not even sure if Abel is playing checkers.

Abel's just on an entirely different level