South and Riley - Both teams are all but in based on record and point total. Either would have to lose both games and get passed in points by a few teams in order to miss the playoffs. Both failed to put it away this past week so they'll have to wait one more week to try and solidify their spot.
Chris and Finken - Must win at least one game or have Abel lose one game. One of these teams is in for sure after this week since they're playing each other. The loser will need to win their next game or have Abel lose one of the next two games since they have a decent point cushion. Chris definitely has the harder schedule remaining (Fink, South) than Finken (Chris, Seth).
Abel - Needs to win both of his games and hope that either Finken or Chris lose two games or that he catches one of them in points. With 100+ point deficit currently, that may be a tall task. Abel faces South this week and Mitch next week.
Mitch, Kyle and Seth - Try as you have, your feeble attempt at fantasy sportsing has left you with little more than a bruised ego, a lighter wallet, terrible taste in clothes, ugly pets, unnatural body odors and an empty, hollow winter to look forward to. Don't worry, you probably won't do any better next year.
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| No you three, this graph doesn't represent what happened to you this year. |
Amazingly, the whole playoff scenario falls on what Abel does for the most part, which no one would've predicted at any point during the beginning of this year. South could make this whole discussion moot by beating him this week and giving us all a meaningless Week 13. But for now, on with the Power Rankings...
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| Come on South, finish off Abel. |
1. Fuck It Three - FIT wasn't able to donkey-punch his playoff ticket yet as his 5 game winning streak was snapped by Finken. He left a couple big point totals on his bench and had Richard Sherman attacking Brown all day. And with Big Ben self-admitting into concussion protocol, he could be on thin ice for next week too. Luckily, he's got a number of favorable matchups and is prime position to win two straight regular season titles. But like his usual travails in the bedroom, South could end up finishing his season earlier than expected again.
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| Usually South is doing this to other people. |
2. Smells Low - Not exactly the way you want to go into the playoffs losing 3 of the past 4. Luckily, he's facing the two worst teams in a playoff path that's easier than (allegedly) deciding which college girl to lay the wood to on a random Tuesday night. Riley is all in right now (and with Riley it's never that far in) trading his first 2 picks in the next draft for an injured Freeman and giving away Moncreif for a backup QB that he didn't need. Riley does own the trade of the year for trading one V in for a whole college campus full of Vs.
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| What Riley claims every weeknight is like. |
3. If We're Using Logic - Like his proclivity to wear jorts and file his taxes early, Common Sense Chris's lineup choices were not ideal but they were enough to get the win. Both of his bench QBs scored more than his starters and we left two 30+ point WRs riding the pine. IWUL is getting his mojo back after a midseason slump by winning 3 straight and finally beating a team with a winning record. Although now he's fighting for his playoff life against Finken and South and potentially doing it with $41 worth of Scott Chandler.
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| This pretty much saved Lazer's day. |
4. Rollin' 4 Deep - R4D did the improbable and swept the season series against the #1 team. In doing so, he also snapped his losing streak and kept himself ahead of Abel in the playoff race. AP and his Chargers went off to seal the victory and he could've claimed high points if he would've started TY Hilton, who he just traded for. R4D is the most susceptible playoff contender to be caught from behind by Abel. But not as susceptible as Riley is to being caught from behind by his Grindr app.
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| McCoy's so happy not to be part of Finken's Iggles anymore. |
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| Abel trying one last ditch effort to show he cares. |
6. Play It Backwards - PIB took home high points this week and finally snapped is four game schnide. Although he lost his Jimmy for the season, the rest of his starters exploded. Mitch and Kyle are in an interesting situation this week. Both are eliminated from the playoffs so they could theoretically tank into the very bottom of the standings to get either #1 or #2 pick. But both can't tank since they're playing each other. Could be a case of who can start the worse active players as to not be penalized by the rest of the league. Or as we usually call it, Abel's standard strategy.
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| Try not to make it too obvious Mitch. |
7. Off Suit 10s - Kyle's season is officially over after losing 4 in a row. Bortles scored more than either of his starting QBs and James Jones put up a fat 0. Good news though, he did just pick up the starting QB for the Texans next year. I think it's time to take a step back and appreciate all of the trades that Kyle made during the past year and relish in where it got him. I'm sure trading the next Adrian Peterson for a couple of rookie picks won't come back to haunt him either.
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| Bortles could've had 2 more TDs had there not been any refs. |
8. Ah It's Early - By Thanksgiving evening, AIE knew he was in more trouble than Iowa State in the fourth quarter. Romo got hurt again and is done for the year while Dez and Forte put up barely 10 points combined. He also watched Calvin and Tate put up 4 TDs against him while their QB sat on his bench. Now he gets to face two top four teams to finish the season, which probably guarantees himself a spot in the #7 vs #8 game and playing for the first pick. But the most important thing is the pattern lives on, 9 weeks running now LWLWLWLWL. Watch out Riley, statistics are coming for you.
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| Only two more weeks for the pattern to hold. |
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