Week 11 is in the books and there are only 3 weeks left to make a move. We have a new king of the mountain as Riley got a taste of the ole Dirty South this past week. Technically no one has clinched a playoff spot yet but it would take an act of congress for South or Riley to miss out at this point. This week will go a long ways to determine who makes it as numerous matchups could eliminate the loser. Point totals will also become very important so some of you lower teams, make sure to try and score 250+. Now on with the power rankings.
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| Several team's playoff chances at the end of this week. |
1. Fuck It Three - FIT took home high points for the week and swept the season series of the previous #1 team. His trio of Famous Jamies, Hopkins and Doug Martin did most of the damage. If FIT can't be beat with the Steelers on bye, then the rest of this league is in trouble going forward. He's won 5 straight and Big Ben looks healthy enough to rape just about anything on the remaining schedule. With 3 playoff contenders left on the docket in Finken, Abel and Chris, it won't be easy, but that's what they said about reaching the flexibility to bee jibber himself. He didn't need those extra ribs anyway.
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| More like Southy Island. |
2. Smells Low - Riley gets knocked down a peg for the first time in a while. It'd be easy to dog him for leaving Lynch in the lineup instead of starting Lou Rawls and his 40+ points. But ultimately, it wouldn't have mattered against FIT's high points. Also not helping was the fact that he blew the rest of his FAB money on Amendola the way Eva blew every member of Riley's fraternity this past week. As mentioned, he's still mostly a shoe-in for the playoffs with a tough game against Lazer and then 2 easy games to close the season out. But the odds of Riley going far in the playoffs are about as good as a Lehman 4 bid late in the evening.
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| Lynch: alright Rawls, let's fuck over Riley here... |
3. If We're Using Logic - Chris held off Mitch by less than a point this past week to extend his winning streak to two. The matchup came down to multiple players during the Pats-Bills MNF game and each team had to have been more nervous than Riley bringing his new boyfriend home for the holidays. He may have high points in the league so far but we'll find out if Chris is actually for real as he still has yet to win a game against a team with a winning record. He'll get his chance with Riley, Fink and South left on the schedule. With that sort of headwind, his season may be as doomed as a lesbian's gina on new dildo day.
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| Looks like something out of Waukee's middle school offense. |
4. I'm Out - Jared was doing so well. He's won 3 in a row, has managed his team pretty well lately and has even made it to cards a few times. And then he starts 2 guys that were inactive and a kicker on bye. Any other week, this would've cost him dearly but luckily, Scam Newton came through and Finken's dumpster fire of a lineup who couldn't even manage 100 points. Abel has a pretty manageable schedule remaining and is poised to make his first playoff run. Points may become an issue with tiebreakers as he's scored the 3rd fewest points in the league and we're guessing the fewest points in the bedroom. (Random fact: Seth is leading in this category...by far...I mean, just crushing it) Abel had better get his shit together because if he fails another lineup test and doesn't make the playoffs, the calls for a replacement could become stronger. Sadly, Patrek has his Twitter timeline going against him. Seriously, does anyone follow him? Amirite?
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| Keeping tempting us Abel...keep tempting us. |
5. Rollin 4 Deep - R4D is on the brink of missing the playoffs for the 3rd straight year. He's now lost 4 of 5 and can't even score over 100 points against a handicapped Abel. This is a week after losing to Riley by 0.06 and a few weeks after losing to Seth by 0.56. Finken is losing games by a margin slightly higher than his sperm count. And now he gets to match-up against FIT with all his Steelers back. Things are trending about as well as the Nebraska football program at this point. We'll see if he and Herbie can get the ship turned around and make a postseason push.
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| No big deal, Finken didn't need those points anyway fat man. |
6. Ah It's Early - AIE's pattern remained consistent again. For the past 8 weeks, he's gone LWLWLWLW. The good news is that the worse team in the league is up next and it's the perfect chance to break the cycle. The bad news is that Seth's team sucks and statistics and patterns never fail. He was lucky to eek out a win over OS10s as he played the wrong 2 QBs and Kyle left a ton of points on his bench. Seth's playoff hopes aren't looking great with a tough remaining schedule and the fewest points scored in the league. But don't just give up yet on the first pick sweepstakes, Finken is counting on you.
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| Obviously Seth's gameplan against Mitch this coming week. |
7. Off Suit 10s - OS10s season has fireballed faster than Dale Earnhardt going into a wall at Daytona. He's now lost 4 of 5 after losing by 2 to AIE and is probably going to be without Freeman and Forsett for the foreseeable future. He could've had an easy win and kept himself firmly in the playoff hunt except he left Carson Palmer on his bench in favor of Bortles. OS10s needs to beat Abel this week and Mitch next week along with hoping for some help to keep his playoffs hopes alive. The good thing for the rest of the league, Lehman missing the playoffs will assure an off-season of wheeling-and-dealing from Kyle. Let the conditional picks fly!
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| A little Rodgers-Jones connection would've put Kyle much higher on this list. |
8. Play It Backwards - Mitch lost to Chris by less than a point, has now lost 4 in a row, was forced to pick up Brock Osweiler and Mark Sanchez and finally gave up on the Christine Michael dream. Let's go live to him now...
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