Season 5 - Week 3

Week 3 is in the books and after some low scoring games to start the season, the NFL defenses took a knee and the offenses started ringing up points faster than our wives credit cards in KC on Ladies Weekend.  We’re starting to see a little separation in the top 3 teams.  We’ll see if anyone in the bottom 5 will make a move in the next few weeks and cement themselves in as a contender.  And while there was controversy abound this past week on the sidelines, here at the Power Rankings, we only kneel in protest of 3 deep Jacks, Abel’s cards attendance and Seth’s ever changing facial hair. 

And now, on with the rankings…

1.       If We’re Using Logic – Lansink takes pole position as the only 3-0 team remaining by handing R4D his first loss.  He had to sweat it out to the end of MNF when Elliott was making a run which enabled Chris to partake in his favorite pastime…. complaining about garbage TDs being scored against him.  Chris plans to take a knee, probably partially because of his age, but also to protest and propose that 4^th quarter scoring against him be removed.  Someone of his age shouldn’t have to deal with the cardiovascular stress it may cause.  With the next three weeks being against two other playoff contenders and the defending champ, IWUL can surely rely on Gronk and ODBag staying healthy to remain atop the Power Rankings (how’s that for a jinx?).

Lazer's boy winning it for him on SNF

2.       Play It Backwards – Mitch’s team grabs the #2 spot but really we’re waiting to see who the true dominant force is once he and Lazer play for the top spot this coming week.  As expected after a flurry of off-season trades and allowing Brady to take a knee in week 1, Mitch posted high points again and is leading the league in scoring.  Barring injury, his team should cruise through the regular season to a top 2 seeding in the playoffs.  PIB’s biggest concern is that his best RB is actually a WR.  That’s a bold strategy worth taking a knee and contemplating further…

Hey everyone, congratulate Mitch on getting Brady.

3.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken could’ve laid claim to the #1 spot and kept a perfect record but he left 4 guys on his bench that scored over 25 points.  Rightfully, this places the Caesar award for bad manager of the week in R4D’s empty dynasty trophy case.  R4D has two manageable contests with the dumpster fire duo of OS10s and SL before dropping to both knees and asking the juggernaut PIB for mercy.  The most consistent performer through 3 weeks, R4D hopes to avoid being the Frank Gore of the CNK by kicking it up a notch through the easy part of his schedule.

Finken watching Cousins go off Sunday night.

4.       Fuck It Three – Garrett falls into the #4 spot by default since no one really deserves it.  After dropping his first two games, Rookies’R’Us finally gets in the win column by knocking off the defending champ, something he couldn’t do in three tries last year.   Goff bucked the kneeling trend and appears to be a serviceable fill-in this year.  If all his young’ens keep putting up 20+ per week, South will find himself right in the playoff hunt for the 4^th year in a row.  With 13 first or second year players on his roster, the odds of a couple of them hitting are better than the odds of Jared dipping into his FAAB funds. 

Well at least Southy luck will help me be serviceable this year.

5.       Ah It’s Early – Just like Chris’s sister in a Johnson bedroom, AIE decided to kneel to Southy this week.  Our reigning champ looks to be in trouble as AIE has now lost 2 games in a row, has yet to hit 150 and has scored fewer points in each game this season.  We understand that David Johnson is hurt but the rest of his star-studded line-up is relatively healthy.  Amari looks like he’s trying to catch a greased midget toss and Gordon can’t score if Rivers keeps giving the opposition more targets than his own WRs.  Seth has a get-right game this weekend against Abel and will be kneeling in prayer that his 30 automatic points from DJ returns before it’s too late.

Seth thought he was a contender...psych!

6.       Off Suit 10s – Kyle should kneel in shame as he managed to start his worst 2 QB options and field a defense that scored negative points.  Luckily, Gurley and Diggs nearly outscored Riley on their own.  Unfortuantely, sCam Netwon is playing like a Browns rookie and Lynch is playing like Finken runs 5ks, slow and painfully.  It appears as though there were some numbers transposed in his TPS (Terrelle Pryor St) Report, as trading away Michael Thomas and the #3 scoring QB Alex Smith has not panned out well.  If he hopes to make any sort of post-season push, he’s going to have to hope that Fitz’s body holds together and sCam isn’t dragged in by FBI next week.

I was totally worth a 1st round pick.

7.       I’m Out – After a promising start to the season, Abel has dropped 2 straight and finds himself in familiar territory…with a whole bunch of FAAB dollars and starters scoring single digits.  Having already played 2 of the top 3 teams, Abel’s next 3 weeks soften up a bit against AIE, FIT and SL.  If he can take care of business in a few of those match-ups, Abel will be kneeling in gratitude of actually being relevant this year.  But let’s be honest, all the Busch Light on Earth can’t make you see this team in the playoffs.

Even the Gophers might be better than Abel's assembled roster.

8.       Smells Low – Sorry Riley, you had your moment last week by beating Seth.  Putting up less than 80 points (only done one other time in the history of CNK) and having a QB score less than the number of times he’s looked good wearing a ridiculous hat, well you know where you stand….or have to kneel under the weight of your nose.

This is what we think of your team Riley.