Season 5 - Week 7

Week 7 is in the books and that means we have reached the halfway point of our pretend football season.  There is a tremendous amount of parity in the league this year with seven teams only two games out of first and four teams are within five points of each other.  Every game from here on out is a rematch so hopefully each manager learned a lot about their opponents and kept detailed scouting notes for the race to the finish.  Although record and point will determine the postseason, with no one really deserving the shot at the title, we may need to resort to a Harvey Weinstein-esque casting couch audition for the playoffs.  Set into our hotel room and show us how badly you want into the playoffs. 

The playoff picture is as clear as the Pats pumped in fog.

And now, on with the power rankings…

1.       Play It Backwards – Well, Mitch has been playing with fire for the past few weeks and it finally caught up with him.  In Week 5, he snuck by Kyle only because Diggs and Tate got hurt and in Week 6, he squeaked by Finken after Rodgers left the game early.  The amazing part is that it was Riley’s lowly squad that finally took him down.  Mitch has a healthy roster and the record and points lead right now.  He may look like Dowling right now but it can’t be forgotten that he’s only one season removed from looking like the Waukee junior high team.    

Mitch coordinated this kid to 1,600 yards this season.

2.       Fuck it Three – Garrett comes to the midway point as the hottest team in the league winning his last 5 matchups.  This is impressive as he’s only scored the 5^th most points in the league.  A deeper dive illustrates the fact that he’s faced by far the fewest points scored against him.  Between this and most of his rookies turning into top-level dynasty assets, who would’ve guessed South would be so lucky?  Did we mention that he’s won 3 of the first 7 “random” payouts?  Something smells fishy and it’s not his mom’s hygiene bag. 

3.       If We’re Using Logic – Lansink curbed his 3-game slide by getting his Abel bye-week at the right time.  Julio finally broke out for the first time this year and Doug Baldwin did what HOFers do.  He’ll get a few more bottom-feeders in the next few weeks before getting into the meat of his schedule which will determine if he has a fourth straight playoff run or not left in him.  At his age, Chris only has so many seasons left so he had better make each opportunity count.

Take a seat and relax Chris, your knees probably need the break.

4.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Elliott received a stay of suspension again and powered Finken’s team to high points for the week.  R4D is in quite a conundrum.  He’s scored the 2^nd highest points and is currently in the playoff hunt.  However, he also currently has 8 guys listed on the IR or as Out, his best QB is lost for the season and has to play QB roulette with should-be back-ups, and his best flex option will probably be suspended for the rest of the season.  His heart wants to make some moves and keep plugging along but his brain is saying blow it up and play for next year.  It’s a good thing the option of punting always appeals to his nature.

Even punters have a right to be happy.

5.       Ah It’s Early – Along Lansink’s sister, Seth gets to take the Caesar Bad Manager of the Week Award to bed this week for making Cooper ride the pine.  If he would’ve started Amari over any of his other options, he not only would’ve beaten R4D, he also would have taken home the weekly payout for highest scoring WR.  As we always say, when you can leave a top 10 dynasty asset on your bench, you do it.  It doesn’t get any easier for Seth this week with Mitch coming to town.  His Week 8 roster choices had better be superior to Cara’s life decisions or he may be the victim of a worse beating than Adrian Peterson’s children.  Mitch, go get yourself a switch.

You could say Seth slipped up this past week. 

6.       Off Suit 10s – After a rough first few weeks to the year, Kyle had been rolling until his team decided to put out a shit sandwich against South this past week.  Gurley and Ertz continued their hot streak but otherwise, he had 7 guys score under 11 points.  AP turned back into a washed-up child beater and picking up Chris Ivory was not an equal Fournette replacement.  Getting Watson, Tate and Diggs back should make his Flex decisions easier but having cancerous players like Lynch and Bryant in the locker room could destroy his team from the inside.  Only a master RV/steak knife/volcano insurance salesman like himself could galvanize this team to make a playoff push. 

Maybe Kyle's persuasive ways come from a higher power.

7.       Smells Low – Riley sniffed out the right moves and put a lickin’ on his former mentor.  His starting roster was almost completely optimized and he put up his highest output of the year.  This makes sense as its cold-and-flu season now maybe it was his schnoz’s additional output that propelled him to victory over PIB.  Riley’s boom-or-bust team faces off against IWUL this week.  Just like Riley’s love life, with Fournette again out we’re expecting a bust. 

Sharing a wardrobe with Scam never helps.

I’m Out – Abel failed to hit 100 for the 2^nd time this year and didn’t start the franchise QB he just traded his 1^st round pick for.  At least Kenny Britt was still in his lineup to get him those precious 2.7 points now that he’s active…