Season 7 - Playoff Odds

Instead of looking backwards as usual, we’re going to peer into the future of the 2019 fake football season and predict some odds on how the season plays out.  We only have 3 weeks left of the regular season and a few days left until the trade deadline.  Worst of luck to you all…

1.       OS10s is locked and loaded to make a championship run. The playoffs are all but guaranteed at this point after taking out South last week. All of this after being projected as a bottom feeder at the beginning of the year, and being told his Best Ball team was a joke. The only joke for OS10s this year are his beloved Hawkeyes and the “offense” that they run. Playoff Odds – 100% // Championship Game Odds – 70% // Title Odds – 50%

2.       FIT has the team to beat and looks to break through with his first championship in CNK, after finishing runner-up 3 times. Winning the championship means he’ll be making it rain Skittles and Mountain Dew in whatever Vegas strip club we end up at. I am sure that everyone else would agree that the luckiest man on Earth deserves this championship.  Playoff Odds – 100% // Championship Game Odds – 85% // Title Odds – 60%

3.       PIB can’t decide what he wants to be, on the road – off the road – on the road – off the road to the playoffs that is. Injuries and suspensions have caused PIB to be a roller coaster all year. Things look to be balancing themselves out for PIB in the stretch run. He has the workhorses at WR and QB to challenge OS10s, and possibly FIT. His RB depth is what is hurting him. It has been roulette all year long, but it appears Drake has taken the reigns in AZ. That could provide the wheel stability and cruise control he needs to make a championship run. Playoff Odds – 85% // Championship Game Odds – 30% // Title Odds – 15%

4.       I’m Out has wheeled, dealed and drafted a team that will finally get him to the playoffs. His Gophers boat finally sunk a few days ago though, but losing Floyd again will not get him down. If PJ Fleck has taught him anything, it’s that this season is one game at a time, as I’m Out went 1-0 during the Smells Low season this week. Abel will just keep on rowing, hoping for his first “elite” season.  Playoff Odds – 55% // Championship Game Odds – 15% // Title Odds – 5% // Gets on the plane to Vegas Odds – 90%

5.       R4D is trying to make a push to the playoffs, but his recent deal with the devil isn’t working out like he had hoped. He gave up a ton of draft capital to make a run to the championship this year. In order to win the title, he has to make the playoffs first which is definitely not a given at this point. At least R4D has last year and as we all know, Nebraska fans do a great job living in the past. Playoff Odds – 35% // Championship Game Odds – 50% // Title Odds – 35% // Odds of trading Julio or Ingram before the deadline – 35%

6.       Smells Low has a difficult path ahead. He is projected to go 1-3 over the next 4 weeks, not a recipe for success. Also not a recipe for success – being the low scorer for the year when we are doing our draft in Vegas. I have provided a link to the best buffets in Vegas, per Yelp reviewers to make things easier for you. Playoff Odds – 27% // Championship Game Odds – 10% // Title Odds – 3% // Able to afford said buffets - 20%

7.       AIE is out of the playoff race and in Who Cares territory. His luck has been terrible this year – Gordon holding out, DJ not playing (at all), Mahomies dislocating is knee cap, Cara only throwing it to him 5 times a week, the list goes on and on. Playoff Odds – 0% // Gets on the plane to Vegas Odds – 51%

8.       IWUL defines Who Cares territory.  The bright side is that he may have two top 4 picks in the 2020 draft so he’s solely focused on that right now. So much so that it is a bit sketchy of a guy who’s actively tanking to conveniently leave an inactive player in his lineup to guarantee another loss.  Those picks may make his rebuild move a bit quicker and put him in a position to win another 14 titles in 9 years starting in 2020. Playoff Odds – 0% // Odds IWUL has to bring food and drinks to card night – 100%

Season 7 - Week 10

Week 10 is in the books and it was an entertaining week with numerous close games.  Ironically, two matchups were decided during the Cowboys-Vikings game and the other two were decided during MNF.  With four weeks remaining, the playoff picture is starting to take shape.  Lehman and South are about locked for the top two spots.  Mitch, Riley and Finken are the main candidates for the remaining 2 playoffs spots.  And Abel, Chris and Seth are most likely jockeying for playoff position.  But there’s still time for any team to make a move, for better or worse so no one had better rest on their laurels (whatever that means.

And now, on with the rankings…

1.       Off Suit 10s – When the season started and Kyle looked at his schedule, he knew Week 10 would be a tough one for him.  With 9 players on bye, he figured he could throw away that week and be in good shape the rest of the season.  Then Week 10 arrives and his best WR available was injured and it turns out the QB he just traded for broke some bones in his back.  He had to no choice but to start the likes of Jeff Driskel, Zach Pascal and Alec Erickson.  So it was no surprise when he put up 112 and would’ve gotten smoked by 6 of the other teams in the league.  But lucky for him, Finken was completely out of trump.   Naturally, his dogshit Jack-eight-four hand turned into a 4 spot.

2.       Fuck It Three – After a horrible showing in Week 9 and a loss to Abel, South needed this win and got it by a margin smaller than his teenage girl-sized shirts.  Knocking off Lazer allowed South to stay right up there with Kyle in a race for home field through-out the whole playoffs.  He even accomplished the victory with a donut from Kupp and two TEs in the lineup.  He’ll need something stronger this week if he hopes to stave off a bounce-back performance from Kyle in this week’s potential title game preview.  There hasn’t been a matchup with this level of anticipation since Chris’s poker table matched up against Caesar’s street as Chris peeled the F outta that wild and crazy bachelor party. 

3.       Play It Backwards – Like playing with his phone on the interstate, Mitch has gone back and forth over the win/loss line the past 6 weeks, alternating between victory and defeat.  He’s lucky that Kyler and Thomas propped up his team this week since he deciding to start both Saints RBs was about as good of an idea as playing a King-deuce backwards.  But as his name being on the CNK trophy proves, though, sometimes it pays to play it backwards.  He’ll try and bump the pattern this week with a JV Falcons RB in place of Adams against Finken’s newly acquired ATL tandem.  Instead of trying it backwards again, Mitch may just want to play it safe and let Aiden drive this weekend.

4.       Smells Low – Riley’s had an odd season.  After winning 3 of 4, he’s now lost 3 of 4 when all his MNF players kept fumbling their chances away at catching up to Mitch.  He’s still sniffing the playoffs because of his .500 record but he’s also last in the league in points scored, which doesn’t bode well for the long run.  He should win this week against an Abel team without a number of key players but should also have had a threesome with a couple lesbians by now…and we all know that hasn’t happened either. 

5.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – When Finken mortgaged his future to acquire Julio and Ingram, he figured these additions would guarantee a path to the playoffs and put him in good shape to repeat.  Prior to Week 10, his team looked amazing on paper and was projected to top 186.  And then Sunday rolled around and a catastrophe ensued that could only be described as Nebraska-esque.  His roster of blue-chippers went out there and posted almost half of those projections and he failed to break 100 for the 2^nd time this year.  Finken’s team is still in good shape to qualify for the postseason with the 3^rd most points and only one game out.  But he’s got to start winning, something he won’t learn from watching his Huskers on a weekly basis.

6.       I’m Out – Maybe the team Finknasty really needs to worry about is Abel.  After starting the season 1-5, Jared’s now won 3 of the last 4 and he’s scored almost 200 in the past two games.  He too is only one win out of the 4^th spot as of now.  He needs to keep winning and putting up some points as he’s still almost last in the league in scoring.  What isn’t helping that is the 3 empty bench spots he’s been carrying for a while.  Abel, you realize the rosters are now 28 spots deep if you’re using the redshirt spots (which you are)?  We don’t think there’s a bonus after the season for making under 5 roster transactions all season. 

7.       If We’re Using Logic – Like Mitch recommending that Lazer’s driver’s license be taken away, Chris finally admitted that father time was catching up with his roster and he wasn’t going anywhere this year.  So he shipped off his last remaining original draft picks and started the rebuild.  He’s put his rebuild in Jeopardy though by defeating Finken last week and nearly taking down South this week.  If you’re going to do this Lazer, don’t allow Henry to run all over your Chiefs.  Be more like ODBag.  No not the DBag part, you’ve got that down.  Just start to suck really badly. 

8.       Ah It’s Early – Seth has now lost 6 straight even with Mahomes, Dak and Amari lighting it up.   As bad as he looks in the CNK standings this year, Seth is still the man to one of Lansink’s sisters.

Hot Take Trade Analysis – Finken gets Julio, Ingram, Matty Ice, Gus Edwards and 2021 2^nd; Lazer gets Parris, Mecole, Royce, Kyle Allen and 2020 and 2021 1^sts

This trade works well for both sides.  Chris’s team was going nowhere fast so it makes sense to cash in on Julio and Ingram before they really spiral downhill.  He needs a youth movement and is getting 6 decent pieces to build around. 

Finken has heard it from the haters all off-season about his stat-correction title and is looking to legitimize his accomplishments by repeating as champ.  His team is poised to win now and Julio, Ingram and Ryan all provide high-end depth for the remainder of the regular season and into the playoffs.  Now all he has to do it make it there which is looking dicier with every sub-100 performance.