Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Season 7 - Week 10


Week 10 is in the books and it was an entertaining week with numerous close games.  Ironically, two matchups were decided during the Cowboys-Vikings game and the other two were decided during MNF.  With four weeks remaining, the playoff picture is starting to take shape.  Lehman and South are about locked for the top two spots.  Mitch, Riley and Finken are the main candidates for the remaining 2 playoffs spots.  And Abel, Chris and Seth are most likely jockeying for playoff position.  But there’s still time for any team to make a move, for better or worse so no one had better rest on their laurels (whatever that means.

And now, on with the rankings…

1.       Off Suit 10s – When the season started and Kyle looked at his schedule, he knew Week 10 would be a tough one for him.  With 9 players on bye, he figured he could throw away that week and be in good shape the rest of the season.  Then Week 10 arrives and his best WR available was injured and it turns out the QB he just traded for broke some bones in his back.  He had to no choice but to start the likes of Jeff Driskel, Zach Pascal and Alec Erickson.  So it was no surprise when he put up 112 and would’ve gotten smoked by 6 of the other teams in the league.  But lucky for him, Finken was completely out of trump.   Naturally, his dogshit Jack-eight-four hand turned into a 4 spot.

2.       Fuck It Three – After a horrible showing in Week 9 and a loss to Abel, South needed this win and got it by a margin smaller than his teenage girl-sized shirts.  Knocking off Lazer allowed South to stay right up there with Kyle in a race for home field through-out the whole playoffs.  He even accomplished the victory with a donut from Kupp and two TEs in the lineup.  He’ll need something stronger this week if he hopes to stave off a bounce-back performance from Kyle in this week’s potential title game preview.  There hasn’t been a matchup with this level of anticipation since Chris’s poker table matched up against Caesar’s street as Chris peeled the F outta that wild and crazy bachelor party. 

3.       Play It Backwards – Like playing with his phone on the interstate, Mitch has gone back and forth over the win/loss line the past 6 weeks, alternating between victory and defeat.  He’s lucky that Kyler and Thomas propped up his team this week since he deciding to start both Saints RBs was about as good of an idea as playing a King-deuce backwards.  But as his name being on the CNK trophy proves, though, sometimes it pays to play it backwards.  He’ll try and bump the pattern this week with a JV Falcons RB in place of Adams against Finken’s newly acquired ATL tandem.  Instead of trying it backwards again, Mitch may just want to play it safe and let Aiden drive this weekend.

4.       Smells Low – Riley’s had an odd season.  After winning 3 of 4, he’s now lost 3 of 4 when all his MNF players kept fumbling their chances away at catching up to Mitch.  He’s still sniffing the playoffs because of his .500 record but he’s also last in the league in points scored, which doesn’t bode well for the long run.  He should win this week against an Abel team without a number of key players but should also have had a threesome with a couple lesbians by now…and we all know that hasn’t happened either. 

5.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – When Finken mortgaged his future to acquire Julio and Ingram, he figured these additions would guarantee a path to the playoffs and put him in good shape to repeat.  Prior to Week 10, his team looked amazing on paper and was projected to top 186.  And then Sunday rolled around and a catastrophe ensued that could only be described as Nebraska-esque.  His roster of blue-chippers went out there and posted almost half of those projections and he failed to break 100 for the 2nd time this year.  Finken’s team is still in good shape to qualify for the postseason with the 3rd most points and only one game out.  But he’s got to start winning, something he won’t learn from watching his Huskers on a weekly basis.

6.       I’m Out – Maybe the team Finknasty really needs to worry about is Abel.  After starting the season 1-5, Jared’s now won 3 of the last 4 and he’s scored almost 200 in the past two games.  He too is only one win out of the 4th spot as of now.  He needs to keep winning and putting up some points as he’s still almost last in the league in scoring.  What isn’t helping that is the 3 empty bench spots he’s been carrying for a while.  Abel, you realize the rosters are now 28 spots deep if you’re using the redshirt spots (which you are)?  We don’t think there’s a bonus after the season for making under 5 roster transactions all season. 

7.       If We’re Using Logic – Like Mitch recommending that Lazer’s driver’s license be taken away, Chris finally admitted that father time was catching up with his roster and he wasn’t going anywhere this year.  So he shipped off his last remaining original draft picks and started the rebuild.  He’s put his rebuild in Jeopardy though by defeating Finken last week and nearly taking down South this week.  If you’re going to do this Lazer, don’t allow Henry to run all over your Chiefs.  Be more like ODBag.  No not the DBag part, you’ve got that down.  Just start to suck really badly. 

8.       Ah It’s Early – Seth has now lost 6 straight even with Mahomes, Dak and Amari lighting it up.   As bad as he looks in the CNK standings this year, Seth is still the man to one of Lansink’s sisters.



Hot Take Trade Analysis Finken gets Julio, Ingram, Matty Ice, Gus Edwards and 2021 2nd; Lazer gets Parris, Mecole, Royce, Kyle Allen and 2020 and 2021 1sts

This trade works well for both sides.  Chris’s team was going nowhere fast so it makes sense to cash in on Julio and Ingram before they really spiral downhill.  He needs a youth movement and is getting 6 decent pieces to build around. 

Finken has heard it from the haters all off-season about his stat-correction title and is looking to legitimize his accomplishments by repeating as champ.  His team is poised to win now and Julio, Ingram and Ryan all provide high-end depth for the remainder of the regular season and into the playoffs.  Now all he has to do it make it there which is looking dicier with every sub-100 performance.

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