Season 7 - Playoffs Update

The first week of the playoffs is in the books and that leaves us with only one weekend of fake football competition remaining.  Let’s recap what happened in Week 15 and preview our final matchups.

Fuck It Three defeats Play It Backwards 200.24-183.42

South faced someone other than Lansink in the playoffs so we anticipated things falling into place for him.  The matchup played out much like we predicted, a high scoring affair with Southy winning by about 20.  Lamar got everything going early on Thursday night destroying the Jets while Tyreeeeek, Chubb and Kelce built the lead on Sunday.  Goff and Kupp then finished it off with an 18-point garbage time drive.  Garrett could have lost Dalvin Cook for next weekend so all is not roses.  On the other hand, Mitch must be kicking himself.  His lineup was up to the challenge but he gave into our goading and removed Drake from his lineup in favor of Cohen.  Tarik did alright but Drake scored 4 TDs!  Their point differential was 24.1 while the game differential was 16.82.  After strenuous calculations, we came to the conclusion that Mitch shouldn’t have done what he did.  Mitch, we tried to tell you which card to play there…

Smells Low defeats Off Suit 10s 154.04-144.94

Last year, Kyle dominated the league scoring the most points but lost in the first round of the playoffs by almost 10 points.  This year, Kyle had the most points, best record and #1 seed.  He chose Riley as the weakest opponent (which was correct by the way), but then laid an egg and again lost in the first round by about 10 points.  Kyle had flashbacks of the Rose bowl while McCaffrey dazzled against the Seahawks and even Gurley showed up.  Then Edelman got hurt and Gallup, Freeman, and Thielen all shat the bed.  He really didn’t have any better options on his bench that would’ve been better plays.  It was a total team effort to screw this one up.  If he’s a glass half full guy, he could say that he wouldn’t’ve beat any other team except Lazer and when it comes down to it, probably all Lehman really cares about is being better than Lazer.  So…bravo I guess?  Riley got just enough from his main guys and made the right call again putting McLaurin in the flex spot.  His near-optimized lineup in such a crucial situation earned him his first trip to the finals.  This improbably rise from the basement last year to the title game this year is akin to South and Lansink’s rise in Year 2.  However, it has yet to be seen if this was just a fluke or if Riley can sustain this into future years.  

Highly doubtful.

Consolation Bracket

I’m Out takes a 40.8 point lead over If We’re Using Logic for the battle of the #1 seed.  Abel basically maximized his roster output should be favored again this week to have the hammer come draft time for the 2^nd year in a row.  Abel was motivated after seeing how much Busch Light was delivered to Orlando for Iowa State’s bowl game.  He’s vowed to do the same for our hotel room in Vegas if he is victorious in his quest for pick #1. 

Probably was Abel's pantry looks like too.

Rollin’ 4 Deep takes exactly a 100 point lead over Ah It’s Early in the 3^rd pick matchup.  Everything came together as only one of his starters failed to crack 19 points and Finken was only 0.07 points away from the all-time high score.  Too bad he couldn’t spread some of those points out across his last couple weeks and done his damage in the playoffs rather than in a game more meaningless than Nebraska football in his post-high school days.

Finken realizing his plan worked perfectly except the minor detail of "making the playoffs."

Championship Preview

This will be Garrett’s 4^th title game appearance in 6 playoff appearances but only an empty trophy case to show for it.  While he lost to the #StatCorrectionChamp last year, 3 of his other playoff losses have all come at the hands of Lansink.  Riley doesn’t have that loser’s stigma in the title game (which is probably because he’s never made it that far) so he should come out guns blazing with established names like Raheem Mostert and Terry McLaurin.  In fact, Riley has all the confidence in the world.  Not only enough to drive the van he does or wear the hats he does, but he did beat South in Week 14 in order to make the playoffs. 

There aren’t any glaring matchup nightmares on either side, and South losing Cook is mostly offset by Riley losing Godwin.  It will probably come down to starting the correct flex options, of which South has far superior options.  The one thing we do know is that none of their judgements will be clouded by alcohol or any other inebriants other than the usual Skittles and Mountain Dew combo.  Maybe the rest of us should take note of the possibility that these two teams made the title game because of their abstinence from these neurotoxins.  Maybe we should contemplate removing these from our lives in order to excel further at fake football…

We’ll say FIT dominates and finally tastes sweet, sweet, sugary victory: 195-24-136.96

How we picture South's victory parade.

Best Ball Update

Half of the league probably stopped paying attention but a Best Ball champ will be named this weekend so we figured we’d check in on that.  South, Riley, Jared and Seth didn’t make the playoffs so they couldn’t care less and should be branded as terrible at drafting.  Mitch went 12-2 but then was bounced in Round 1 by Finken 199.5-159.  Apparently Lamar and McCaffrey alone couldn’t keep his turbo-charged team within the lines.  In the other bracket, all of Lehman’s QBs could not overcome the combined effort of Drake and Julio and Lazer pulled off the victory 161-142.  Lehman can’t even win when the computer plays his cards for him. 

How'd the weekend go Lehman?

This leaves Finken and Lansink will face off in the title matchup.  Like his high school jock straps, Finken’s going to struggle filling his slots (mainly WR) with recent injuries to Godwin and Jeffrey, and most his other key guys are facing tough defenses.  Lansink’s squad is mostly healthy and facing manageable opponents.  We’ll say Lazer wins his 4^th title in our inaugural league 164.5-132.0. 

Chris after winning the best ball league.

And finally, your humble moderators would just like to take a second and say thank you to everyone in the league for making this a great time throughout another year.  We wish you all a Merry Christmas and hope all your players get injured next year.

Season 7 - Playoff Preview

Week 14 is in the books and that means that our 7^th regular season has come to a close.  It was a great season with more parity than usual.  It was also quite an eventful final weekend so let’s first take a look at what happened. 

We had one playoff spot left and four teams in position to grab it.  Abel and Riley each just needed a win and to outscore the other and a shot at the title was theirs.  If each Abel and Riley lost, the winner of the Finken and Seth matchup would be in based on points scored.  Each of these three matchups were close heading into Monday night.  First, Abel needed Jeffrey to outscore Sanders but Alshon quickly left the game with an injury so Abel became unAbel.  Finken needed a big night from Barkley and Shepherd in order to catch up to Seth, which fell apart quicker than Chris’s standing in the Lansink family when Seth signed the marriage documents.   So Finken’s big mid-season trade to lock up a for-sure playoff went all-for-naught. 

 

Finken dying inside just a little as Week 14 played out.

Then there’s Riley.  Riley was down by almost 50 heading into MNF with only Wentz and (for some reason) Slayton in his flex spot remaining.  This makes “the opposite of his nose” sense since there were 11 other guys on his roster projected to outscore Slayton in Week 14.  But he must have sniffed something out and left Slayton active which made all the difference. Even putting in Mostert’s big day wouldn’t have done the trick.  Slayton did his damage early but in the end, it was Wentz’s OT TD pass to Ertz which sealed the deal.  The Eagles are somehow still alive for the NFL playoffs at 6-7 and Riley made the CNK playoffs and narrowly avoided paying for 8 buffets in Vegas.  What a country.

 

What, explain to me again how the hell Riley made the playoffs?

Now the playoff field is set and we have two new contenders this year and two repeats from last year.  Additionally, we have two former champions and two never champions.  Kyle and Garrett easily led the league in scoring and claimed their spot early.  Interestingly enough, the other two playoff spots went to the teams who scored the 2^nd and 3^rd fewest points in the league.  Kyle rode a 10-game winning streak into the #1 seed and chose Riley as his opponent.  Hopefully he picked The Nose wisely because with no draft capital the next two years (almost literally), it’s titletown or bust for the former #PeoplesChamp.  Now let’s take a quick look at the matchups this weekend… 

-          Off Suit 10s vs. Smells Low – Lehman is at a clear advantage here in every department outside of Kleenex usage.  Kyle is projected to score around 22 points more this week, which is mainly the difference in the RB slots.  CMC should put up his usual stat line of 46 rushing yards and 11 catches for 95 while Fournette faces a terrible Raiders D.  Riley on the other hand has Jones and Montgomery going against each other in the frozen tundra of Lambeau.  Both guys currently have recently waivered players into their flex spots so this might come down to if Riley can roll snake eyes again.  It looks like Jacobs will play so Riley saving FAAB to pick up Washington might be a worse call than one of his stylish hats.  We’ll say Kyle continues his hot streak 167.83-145.62.

 

Make it quick Kyle, and painless.  We don't want Riley to suffer.

-          Fuck It Three vs. Play It Backwards – South has the most dangerous team in the playoffs on paper but numerous bad matchups during Week 15.  Lamar is playing a solid Jets D on a short week, Fitzmagic is missing most of his WR options and most of his flex options are facing tougher defenses than Riley trying to get college girls into his van.  He’s also riding a 4 game losing streak although he did post +170 in two of those loses.  Mitch technically finished as the #2 seed at 9-5 but he was doing his best 2018 Lazer impression finishing with a high seed while scoring the 3^rd fewest points in the league and lucking into wins.  He’s won 4 of 5 recently with Thomas, Adams and DJ Moore carrying his whole offense.  With a probable starting lineup that includes Kenyan Drake and Miles Sanders, Mitch is getting his dice rolling skills warmed up early in advance of the Vegas trip.  We’ll say South ends his cold streak in a high-scoring affair 191.32-170.96.

 

We don't judge Mitch's technique in rolling the dice against Southy luck.

But while all this playoff talk is great, let’s not forget about our fallen comrades, those that will be slugging it out for draft position.  Both Seth and Finken had extremely disappointing years although they did post the 3^rd and 4^th most points.  For their effort, they get to replay Week 14 again for two more weeks in a matchup more meaningless than Riley’s bachelor degree.  Finken can’t even get excited about what spot he ends up in since it’s sitting in Lazer’s possession.  Chris had better at least send him a formal receipt from that trade so Finken can write that charity off on his taxes.  Either way, the league shouldn’t be too worried as Chris’s last three first-round picks were Mike Williams, Derrick Henry and Corey Coleman.  There will be plenty of meat on that bone for everyone else we’re guessing.

 

We're sure Lazer's scouting skills have improved since then.

After having no business in the playoffs last year and rough start to this year, Chris finally threw in the towel and began the tank.  He successfully navigated his way to 4-10 but almost scored too many points to make the #1 seed matchup.  Abel had a shot at his first playoff bid but Jacobs got hurt while a few other guys who’ve carried him this season just couldn’t finish the job.  This ensured one more shot at the #1 draft spot instead of the #1 spot in the standings for Abel.  At least he’ll get to pick the cheapest, dirtiest buffet in Vegas to drag us all to.  There’s got to be a strip club somewhere in Vegas that serves roast beef sandwiches…

If you know what I'm saying...