Week 14 is in the books and that means that our 7th regular
season has come to a close. It was a
great season with more parity than usual.
It was also quite an eventful final weekend so let’s first take a look
at what happened.
We had one playoff spot left and four teams in position to grab
it. Abel and Riley each just needed a
win and to outscore the other and a shot at the title was theirs. If each Abel and Riley lost, the winner of
the Finken and Seth matchup would be in based on points scored. Each of these three matchups were close
heading into Monday night. First, Abel needed
Jeffrey to outscore Sanders but Alshon quickly left the game with an injury so
Abel became unAbel. Finken needed a big
night from Barkley and Shepherd in order to catch up to Seth, which fell apart
quicker than Chris’s standing in the Lansink family when Seth signed the
marriage documents. So Finken’s big
mid-season trade to lock up a for-sure playoff went all-for-naught.
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| Finken dying inside just a little as Week 14 played out. |
Then there’s Riley. Riley was
down by almost 50 heading into MNF with only Wentz and (for some reason) Slayton
in his flex spot remaining. This makes
“the opposite of his nose” sense since there were 11 other guys on his roster
projected to outscore Slayton in Week 14.
But he must have sniffed something out and left Slayton active which
made all the difference. Even putting in Mostert’s big day wouldn’t have done
the trick. Slayton did his damage early
but in the end, it was Wentz’s OT TD pass to Ertz which sealed the deal. The Eagles are somehow still alive for the NFL
playoffs at 6-7 and Riley made the CNK playoffs and narrowly avoided paying for
8 buffets in Vegas. What a country.
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| What, explain to me again how the hell Riley made the playoffs? |
Now the playoff field is set and we have two new contenders this year
and two repeats from last year. Additionally,
we have two former champions and two never champions. Kyle and Garrett easily led the league in
scoring and claimed their spot early. Interestingly
enough, the other two playoff spots went to the teams who scored the 2nd
and 3rd fewest points in the league.
Kyle rode a 10-game winning streak into the #1 seed and chose Riley as
his opponent. Hopefully he picked The
Nose wisely because with no draft capital the next two years (almost
literally), it’s titletown or bust for the former #PeoplesChamp. Now let’s take a quick look at the matchups
this weekend…
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Off Suit 10s vs. Smells Low – Lehman is at a
clear advantage here in every department outside of Kleenex usage. Kyle is projected to score around 22 points
more this week, which is mainly the difference in the RB slots. CMC should put up his usual stat line of 46
rushing yards and 11 catches for 95 while Fournette faces a terrible Raiders
D. Riley on the other hand has Jones and
Montgomery going against each other in the frozen tundra of Lambeau. Both guys currently have recently waivered
players into their flex spots so this might come down to if Riley can roll
snake eyes again. It looks like Jacobs
will play so Riley saving FAAB to pick up Washington might be a worse call than
one of his stylish hats. We’ll say Kyle continues
his hot streak 167.83-145.62.
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| Make it quick Kyle, and painless. We don't want Riley to suffer. |
-
Fuck It Three vs. Play It Backwards – South has
the most dangerous team in the playoffs on paper but numerous bad matchups
during Week 15. Lamar is playing a solid
Jets D on a short week, Fitzmagic is missing most of his WR options and most of
his flex options are facing tougher defenses than Riley trying to get college
girls into his van. He’s also riding a 4
game losing streak although he did post +170 in two of those loses. Mitch technically finished as the #2 seed at
9-5 but he was doing his best 2018 Lazer impression finishing with a high seed
while scoring the 3rd fewest points in the league and lucking into
wins. He’s won 4 of 5 recently with
Thomas, Adams and DJ Moore carrying his whole offense. With a probable starting lineup that includes
Kenyan Drake and Miles Sanders, Mitch is getting his dice rolling skills warmed
up early in advance of the Vegas trip.
We’ll say South ends his cold streak in a high-scoring affair
191.32-170.96.
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| We don't judge Mitch's technique in rolling the dice against Southy luck. |
But while all this playoff talk is great, let’s not forget about our
fallen comrades, those that will be slugging it out for draft position. Both Seth and Finken had extremely
disappointing years although they did post the 3rd and 4th
most points. For their effort, they get
to replay Week 14 again for two more weeks in a matchup more meaningless than Riley’s
bachelor degree. Finken can’t even get
excited about what spot he ends up in since it’s sitting in Lazer’s
possession. Chris had better at least
send him a formal receipt from that trade so Finken can write that charity off
on his taxes. Either way, the league
shouldn’t be too worried as Chris’s last three first-round picks were Mike
Williams, Derrick Henry and Corey Coleman.
There will be plenty of meat on that bone for everyone else we’re
guessing.
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| We're sure Lazer's scouting skills have improved since then. |
After having no business in the playoffs last year and rough start to
this year, Chris finally threw in the towel and began the tank. He successfully navigated his way to 4-10 but
almost scored too many points to make the #1 seed matchup. Abel had a shot at his first playoff bid but
Jacobs got hurt while a few other guys who’ve carried him this season just
couldn’t finish the job. This ensured
one more shot at the #1 draft spot instead of the #1 spot in the standings for
Abel. At least he’ll get to pick the
cheapest, dirtiest buffet in Vegas to drag us all to. There’s got to be a strip club somewhere in
Vegas that serves roast beef sandwiches…
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| If you know what I'm saying... |
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