Season 8 - Championship Round

Round 1 is in the books and with it came scoring that we haven’t seen since Carol South was in high school.  After nearly two months of sub-175 scoring (except Garrett), we got 6 teams to eclipse that total (or come very close).  In fact, about the only teams to underperform were Riley and Abel.  Maybe Abel was nervous for his first playoff run or maybe his bedroom performance anxiety was rearing its ugly head.  Either way, we have to say goodbye to Jared after the briefest of title hopes.  Garrett expectedly took care of him with ease by posting his 4^th straight 200+ game and won by a margin higher than his glucose levels.  It was the bloodbath we all saw coming. 

In the other semifinal, Mitch did everything he could to hold off Finken, including fielding an illegal roster of 5 starting QBs after Brees was pronounced on Friday morning (which he still hasn’t remedied…6 days now…).  Mitch knew he was in trouble Thursday night after Waller and Herbert put up 60.  But it was the close-out TD by back-ups Pollard and McKissic to end each game that really put him over the top. 

Finken had to sweat out the afternoon slate as Kyler lit up his Iggles and the Saints played catch-up to the Chiefs.  Luckily for him, the old, washed-up QB Finken traded to Mitch before the season kept their offense in check and had to be replaced around the end-zone by the TD-stealing machine that is Taysom Hill.  The other side of that trade…back-up RB, Tony Pollard.  We’re sure that Mitch took that in stride.

Mitch seeing Pollard was going crazy...

Championship Preview – Fuck It Three vs. Rollin’ 4 Deep

As the saying goes, the cream always rises to the top.  So it’s fitting that the two highest scoring teams made the title game (along with most handsome, most well-endowed, etc…we could go on).  This will be Finken’s 3^rd trip to the finals and South’s 5^th (and 3^rd straight).    It’ll be a rematch from the 2018 title game where Finken narrowly bested Garrett after stat-correcting Lazer.  #NeverForget  Garrett will hope this rematch goes better than the only other rematch in the finals with Lansink back in 2015, who toppled him for his 2^nd of 7 championships. 

Now let’s take a look at the actual matchup.  Garrett’s currently favored by 20+ and with the way his team’s been playing, it probably won’t be that close.  But Diggs and Robinson are banged up and he’s got a few tough matchups in Cook and JJ against the Saints D.  However, that didn’t stop Kelce or Hill from going off last week and now they get the Falcons at home.  He also gets Chubb at full-staff against the Jets and is able to throw Bell in his lineup after the Chiefs replacement-level, gadget RB went down with an ankle sprain.  If he doesn’t put up 200+ with that lineup, it’ll be a Christmas miracle.

Finken got lucky with a few big games from back-up RBs in round 1 and it may be tough to replicate that performance, especially if Zeke is back in the lineup who’s been worse than Finken in a 5K.  Waller probably can’t repeat his effort last week and his QBs can only do so much.  Finken’s ceiling is only so high when he’s relying on a bunch of WR2s and 3^rd down RBs.  And while there’s always a chance of something not working out for South, we’re betting this is another bloodbath.  FIT – 194.25, R4D – 163.21

How many titles is South going to have?

3^rd Place Preview – I’m Out vs. Play It Backwards

Congrats on a great season both of you.  It’s been an amazing 4 months, especially for Abel.  And now you get the opportunity to square off for $40 and the most forgettable finishing place in our league.  (insert your own unchecked enthusiasm)  Early word is that Mitch wants this one bad as he’s seeking a springboard of momentum into next year.  That and the extra $40 is like half a bag of horse oats.  That stuff ain’t cheap and he’s got a down payment on a stable to think about.  We’ll say Mitch wins this weeks Who Cares Territory matchup.  PIB – 174.8, IO – 161.24 

The gameshow summary of this matchup.

1^st Pick Match-Up Update

Lehman (and by Lehman, we mean Abel) has a 14 point lead as of now after posting his season-high point total of 190.  However, the projections are showing Seth could easily make that up faster than he can talk Lansink’s sister into the sack.  With a head coach finally figuring out that David Johnson is actually a WR in disguise and MaHomie facing a soft ATL D, Seth is set to rebound faster than round 2 with Lansink’s sister (2 sister jokes in as many sentences!)  It shouldn’t take much as Kyle’s band of backups, misfits and has-beens is bound to disappoint.  Prediction: Seth gets 1.1, Abel gets 1.2

The #1 pick and continued sister jokes, A-OK with us.

3^rd Pick Match-up Update

Had he tried just a little harder this year (or maybe drafted just a little better), he would’ve outscored Mitch on the season, made the playoffs and be sitting in the finals now.  But we’re sure leading Riley by 64 points in the 3^rd pick game is just as good.  With Swift and JTT picking up steam and Josh Allen shedding the Pats curse, Chris is looking like he’ll extend his lead just like Trump on election night.  Riley can lobby for a recount all he wants but due to his poor math education in high school, he probably can’t count that high.  Prediction: Chris gets 1.3, Riley gets 1.4

Come on Chris, this could've been yours again.

As always, and we think we can speak for everyone, we’re all appreciative of all you guys for having fun with this league and giving us an excuse to keep razzing everyone.  Enjoy the holidays with your family and then we get to start the countdown to Vegas.  Merry Christmas!!!

May all your stockings be filled happiness and joy and...

Season 8 - Playoff Preview

Week 14 is in the books and that means our regular CNK season is over and it’s time for the playoffs to begin.  We’ll delve into those matchups soon enough but first let’s take a look back on how we got here.  Three teams were locked into their playoff spots since Week 12.  Mitch had several chances to lock up the last spot but instead did everything possible to give hope to those below him by losing 4 straight.  But falling bass-akwards into the 4^th spot was his fate as Riley outdueled his losing by dropping 7 (!!!) in a row and Chris’s Best Rookie Draft Ever™ took a page from his bedroom playbook and underwhelmed all season.  Chris, we’ve heard Seth is an expert in these situations and could really give you some pointers.

We cannot go any further though without acknowledging Abel’s achievement this year of making the playoffs for the first time in 8 years.  It was done through a combination of smart drafting and smart trading (and a lot of hand-holding) but absolutely no waiver wire usage.  Acquiring Henry from Lazer, Carr from Mitch and Keenan and Teddy Two-Gloves from Seth were all great moves to field a competitive team.  Having the foresight to draft (and not trade) Metcalf, Andrews, Claypool, Harris and Jacobs along with having 2 firsts this coming year (one of which will be Kyle's 1.1 or 1.2) should set him up for years to come.  It just goes to show that you can only rip someone so many times before it comes back to bite you.
 

That brings us to our regular season and reigning champ, Garrett South, who has solidified himself as the top seed in a dominating fashion we haven’t seen since Riley took on that ultra-strength box of Kleenex.  South won 7 straight AND registered high points in each of those 7 weeks.  He put up 189+ in 6 of those 7 weeks.  No one else in that span has even hit 180, which is pretty pathetic when you really think about it.  In fact, he broke Lehman’s total season points record of 2,517 by a total of 35, or roughly the number of hairs on Seth’s neck.   

Garrett goes into the playoff bracket a bigger favorite than anyone facing Nebraska this year (or really any of the past decade).  Having 9 of the top 34 ranked players on the season and a now healthy Chubb makes him the stiffest competition in the playoffs.  However, there is caution as the #1 seed has not produced a champion since the 2016 season, which includes that record season from Kyle and Lazer getting stat-corrected.  So while South looks like both an unstoppable force and an immovable object, so did Mitch, Chris and Kyle over the last few years respectively.  But since his fantasy kryptonite (Lansink) is not in the playoffs, it should be as smooth a sailing as Riley convincing his Tinder dates to get into his free-candy van. 

Garrett to everyone else after his run this year.

This means Garrett had his choice as who he gets to match up against for Round 1.  Sources familiar with the decisions say it was a tough choice.  It was between a competent Finken who’s been playing balls to the Waller, a struggling Mitch with no Brees in his sails or Abel who has as many playoff wins as he does Busch Light-less evenings during the pandemic.  So our field is now set and with that, let’s preview the 1^st round of our playoff bracket…

Fuck It Three vs. I’m Out

As dominating as South’s team has been, it all starts fresh now.  He’s currently favored by almost 30 points, which is almost as much as Chris scores in an average game of pitch.  However, he’s got a few matchups that are tougher than they appear.  His Vikings get a tough Bears D (much like Riley's Grindr favorites) and his Chiefs could be locked up by the Saints.  But even if South’s squad stumbles a bit, Derrick Henry can only carry Abel’s roster so far.  The former Redskins should clamp down DK and Carson while the remaining starters would all need season-high type games to keep up.  It’s been a feel good story but unfortunately, this movie isn’t on Disney+.  FIT 184.52 – IO 145.6.

Rollin’ 4 Deep vs. Play It Backwards

Mitch has been all over the place this year.  First, he looked awful.  Then he looked like the mid-season favorite but has faltered down the stretch once Brees got hurt, which effected almost half his roster.  Adams has been ridiculous in every game he’s played but Kyler’s also struggled recently with injury and gets a tough Philly D this weekend.  His Saints get the Chiefs and could be in catch-up mode all game which always helps while Dobbins and Sanders have plum matchups.  He’s primed for a break-out game that’s been absent from his fantasy output longer than his Indians losing streak against Dowling. 

Finken on the other hand, much like his personality, has been boringly consistent throughout the year.  His RBs have been a tire-fire all year and Twitter is abuzz with word that he may start a guy named Wayne or JD McWho?  Luckily his depth at WR has been up to the task.   Asked for further comment, his wife Rachel replied, “What depth?”  Rodgers regaining his MVP swagger and Herbert looking like the next big thing (outside of facing Belichick) hasn’t hurt either.  His matchups are also pretty decent outside of the constant Questionable tag next to half his roster. 

These two both separated themselves in the Double League by making up the final four so it’s fitting this is the match-up here as well.  It looks pretty even on paper although Finken did win both contests during the regular season.  We’ll say Finken ekes out a win with the TE Taysom Hill scoring too many points for the Saints and JD McKissic doing his best Tim Hightower impression in Gibson's absence.  R4D 172.24 – PIB 167.48

 

Our official prediction...

Who Cares Territory

While the playoffs are the main reason we’re here, we’d be remiss if we didn’t at least discuss the remaining four teams who are playing for draft position.  There was some drama in Week 14 as Riley and Chris both had a shot at the last playoff spot but all of 4 bottom feeders had a more realistic shot at the #1 draft pick game.  We here at the power rankings, in our ivory-playoff tower looking down on the serfs of the league, were disappointed there weren’t more shenanigans in trying to obviously tank into the top pick.  Bad form gentlemen. 

Riley didn’t really stand a chance against South and Chris couldn’t help but beat the worst team in the league, which we’ll get to in a minute.  There really isn’t a worse position to be in at this point as there isn’t much exciting about vying for the 3^rd pick and no way to win a 12^th title for Chris.  On the bright side, they both have their 1^st round picks and Ja’Marr Chase would be a nice piece for either to add to their non-playoff worthy rosters.

Nobody should have to watch this matchup.

Really Who Cares Territory

And then we come to the toilet bowl.  Seth saw the writing on the wall early this season despite Mahomes MVP-caliber season and played for this spot.  With Dak back next year, his QB situation is set for years to come and he’s got some decent WRs to build around.  Since Finken doesn’t have a shot at 1.1, there’s obviously not a generational RB sitting waiting at 1.1.  However, there will be some good RB options and Seth desperately needs one of them…or two of them…or more accurately 3-4 of them.  Additionally, his TEs are about as poopy as it gets so he had better grab a few of those with his plethora of 2^nd round picks. 

Kyle was in a tough situation last weekend.  He could have lost to Chris (which is never fun) but kept Lazer picking in the middle of the round.  Or he could’ve beat Chris (which is always great) but that would’ve made Chris a lock for a top 2 pick.  Also not a good option.  In the end, Kyle lost and scored the fewest points on the week, which is par for the course this year.  And without all his draft capital, his prospects for next year look about as appealing as whatever strip club buffet that we vote on for him to spring for in Vegas.  Best of luck to you both, you'll need it.