Week 14 is in the books and that
means our regular CNK season is over and it’s time for the playoffs to
begin. We’ll delve into those matchups
soon enough but first let’s take a look back on how we got here. Three teams were locked into their playoff
spots since Week 12. Mitch had several
chances to lock up the last spot but instead did everything possible to give hope
to those below him by losing 4 straight.
But falling bass-akwards into the 4th spot was his fate as
Riley outdueled his losing by dropping 7 (!!!) in a row and Chris’s Best Rookie
Draft Ever™ took a page from his bedroom playbook and underwhelmed all
season. Chris, we’ve heard Seth is an
expert in these situations and could really give you some pointers.
We cannot go any further though
without acknowledging Abel’s achievement this year of making the playoffs for
the first time in 8 years. It was done
through a combination of smart drafting and smart trading (and a lot of
hand-holding) but absolutely no waiver wire usage. Acquiring Henry from Lazer, Carr from Mitch
and Keenan and Teddy Two-Gloves from Seth were all great moves to field a
competitive team. Having the foresight
to draft (and not trade) Metcalf, Andrews, Claypool, Harris and Jacobs along
with having 2 firsts this coming year (one of which will be Kyle's 1.1 or 1.2) should set him up for years to come.
It just goes to show that you can only rip someone so many times before
it comes back to bite you.
That brings us to our regular season and reigning champ, Garrett South, who has solidified himself as the top seed in a dominating fashion we haven’t seen since Riley took on that ultra-strength box of Kleenex. South won 7 straight AND registered high points in each of those 7 weeks. He put up 189+ in 6 of those 7 weeks. No one else in that span has even hit 180, which is pretty pathetic when you really think about it. In fact, he broke Lehman’s total season points record of 2,517 by a total of 35, or roughly the number of hairs on Seth’s neck.
Garrett goes into the playoff bracket a bigger favorite than anyone facing Nebraska this year (or really any of the past decade). Having 9 of the top 34 ranked players on the season and a now healthy Chubb makes him the stiffest competition in the playoffs. However, there is caution as the #1 seed has not produced a champion since the 2016 season, which includes that record season from Kyle and Lazer getting stat-corrected. So while South looks like both an unstoppable force and an immovable object, so did Mitch, Chris and Kyle over the last few years respectively. But since his fantasy kryptonite (Lansink) is not in the playoffs, it should be as smooth a sailing as Riley convincing his Tinder dates to get into his free-candy van.
Garrett to everyone else after his run this year.
This means Garrett had his choice as who he gets to match up against for Round 1. Sources familiar with the decisions say it was a tough choice. It was between a competent Finken who’s been playing balls to the Waller, a struggling Mitch with no Brees in his sails or Abel who has as many playoff wins as he does Busch Light-less evenings during the pandemic. So our field is now set and with that, let’s preview the 1st round of our playoff bracket…
Fuck It Three vs. I’m Out
As dominating as South’s team has been, it all starts fresh now. He’s currently favored by almost 30 points, which is almost as much as Chris scores in an average game of pitch. However, he’s got a few matchups that are tougher than they appear. His Vikings get a tough Bears D (much like Riley's Grindr favorites) and his Chiefs could be locked up by the Saints. But even if South’s squad stumbles a bit, Derrick Henry can only carry Abel’s roster so far. The former Redskins should clamp down DK and Carson while the remaining starters would all need season-high type games to keep up. It’s been a feel good story but unfortunately, this movie isn’t on Disney+. FIT 184.52 – IO 145.6.
Rollin’ 4 Deep vs. Play It Backwards
Mitch has been all over the place this year. First, he looked awful. Then he looked like the mid-season favorite but has faltered down the stretch once Brees got hurt, which effected almost half his roster. Adams has been ridiculous in every game he’s played but Kyler’s also struggled recently with injury and gets a tough Philly D this weekend. His Saints get the Chiefs and could be in catch-up mode all game which always helps while Dobbins and Sanders have plum matchups. He’s primed for a break-out game that’s been absent from his fantasy output longer than his Indians losing streak against Dowling.
Finken on the other hand, much like his personality, has been boringly consistent throughout the year. His RBs have been a tire-fire all year and Twitter is abuzz with word that he may start a guy named Wayne or JD McWho? Luckily his depth at WR has been up to the task. Asked for further comment, his wife Rachel replied, “What depth?” Rodgers regaining his MVP swagger and Herbert looking like the next big thing (outside of facing Belichick) hasn’t hurt either. His matchups are also pretty decent outside of the constant Questionable tag next to half his roster.
These two both separated
themselves in the Double League by making up the final four so it’s fitting
this is the match-up here as well. It looks pretty
even on paper although Finken did win both contests during the regular
season. We’ll say Finken ekes out a win
with the TE Taysom Hill scoring too many points for the Saints and JD McKissic
doing his best Tim Hightower impression in Gibson's absence.
R4D 172.24 – PIB 167.48
Our official prediction...
Who Cares Territory
While the playoffs are the main reason we’re here, we’d be remiss if we didn’t at least discuss the remaining four teams who are playing for draft position. There was some drama in Week 14 as Riley and Chris both had a shot at the last playoff spot but all of 4 bottom feeders had a more realistic shot at the #1 draft pick game. We here at the power rankings, in our ivory-playoff tower looking down on the serfs of the league, were disappointed there weren’t more shenanigans in trying to obviously tank into the top pick. Bad form gentlemen.
Riley didn’t really stand a chance against South and Chris couldn’t help but beat the worst team in the league, which we’ll get to in a minute. There really isn’t a worse position to be in at this point as there isn’t much exciting about vying for the 3rd pick and no way to win a 12th title for Chris. On the bright side, they both have their 1st round picks and Ja’Marr Chase would be a nice piece for either to add to their non-playoff worthy rosters.
Nobody should have to watch this matchup.
Really Who Cares Territory
And then we come to the toilet bowl. Seth saw the writing on the wall early this season despite Mahomes MVP-caliber season and played for this spot. With Dak back next year, his QB situation is set for years to come and he’s got some decent WRs to build around. Since Finken doesn’t have a shot at 1.1, there’s obviously not a generational RB sitting waiting at 1.1. However, there will be some good RB options and Seth desperately needs one of them…or two of them…or more accurately 3-4 of them. Additionally, his TEs are about as poopy as it gets so he had better grab a few of those with his plethora of 2nd round picks.
Kyle was in a tough situation
last weekend. He could have lost to
Chris (which is never fun) but kept Lazer
picking in the middle of the round. Or he could’ve beat Chris (which is always
great) but that would’ve made Chris a lock for a top 2 pick. Also not a good option. In the end, Kyle
lost and scored the fewest points on the week, which is par for the course this
year. And without all his draft capital,
his prospects for next year look about as appealing as whatever strip club buffet
that we vote on for him to spring for in Vegas. Best of luck to you both, you'll need it.
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