Season 9 - Week 13

Week 13 is in the books and we’ve come to the last weekend of the regular season.  Yes folks, it’s sad that our season is almost over but you can rejoice that the fake, and then real NFL playoffs, are right around the corner.  But before we start looking at the playoff scenarios, let’s take a look at our trades that all happened right before the trade deadline with some patented Hot Take Trade Analysis: 

Mitch gets Ekeler and a 2023 2^nd and 3^rd while Riley gets JK Dobbins, Toney and a 2022 1^st and 2023 3^rd

 

Riley offered Ekeler to about everyone in the league and probably a few people on the street that hurriedly ran away from his Jesus haircut and rapist van.  He ended up getting a pretty good haul for him in another 1^st and two young pieces.  If Dobbin’s ACL can heal and the Giants can get a QB, Riley could be ready to compete next year even without all his draft picks.  Mitch gets one of the steadiest players this year and should make him as dangerous as anyone in the playoffs, assuming Kamara is healthy.  A few league members could benefit from some analysis of this trade and how it benefits all parties involved. 

 

Seth gets Leonard Fournette and South’s 2^nd round pick while Kyle gets Cam Akers and Riley’s 4^th rounder

 

Seth pushed all his chips in this year grabbing another depth piece to go with his already stacked lineup.  He acquired a surprisingly good Fournette and a late 2^nd for Akers who wasn’t going to help him win the title this year.  This could be the piece that pushes him over the top and may even help next year.  Kyle gets a foundational piece to build around for an aging RB and a 2^nd round pick.  From our research, that’s a little rape-y but Achilles injuries in RBs are nothing to sneeze at.

 

Kyle gets AJ Green and a 3^rd and Chris gets Zach Ertz and JD McKissic

 

This is just gross.  Good job Kyle for getting more than a ham sandwich for both of these guys. 

 

Now let’s get back to what we’re really here for.  Several things are up in the air going into our final week.  Seth and Finken are locks and get to play-it-off for the #1 seed in Week 14.  The remaining 2 spots will go to Mitch, South or Lazer.   The only problem is that the matchups leave a little to be desired as none are matched up against each other.  The three of them are all but guaranteed victories against the dregs of the league so it’ll all likely come down to points.  We’ll get into that a bit later but let’s just say it doesn’t look great for La-Lazer.

There is one thing that has been decided and that is that Kyle’s buying dinner again.  He’s been learning from the Jags and Lions in the arts of “innovators of failure” as he’s guaranteed to have the lowest season points in the ‘No K/D’ era.  Since we switched formats to the two lowest scoring teams playing for the #1 seed, Riley’s got a 50-point headstart on Abel on who faces off against Kyle.  We’ll trust that each guy has enough integrity to start an optimal line-up this weekend and may the worst man lose? 

So let’s strap in and enjoy this final weekend.  And now on with the rankings:

1. Ah It’s Early – Seth could’ve wrapped up the #1 seed this past week but lost to the only team that outscored him.  Now he gets to face off against Finken in a winner-take-all for the right to choose their opponent.  And remember, the #1 seed is even more important as you’ll face off against that team for 2 cumulative weeks.  He’s a favorite right now and even though his 3 Bucs are going against a stout Bills D, the weather probably won’t be in Tampa what it was in Buffalo Monday night.  They’ll probably be as much scoring in that game as there is in the Johnson household on a weekly basis.

2. Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken somehow hung on against South after Diggs could not manage the 11 points Garrett needed for victory.  Had that not had happened, he almost surely would’ve missed the playoffs.  Mitch, South and Chris are heavy favorites and all have a points lead over him as well.  So he goes from probably missing the playoffs to vying for the #1 seed.  MNF could not have been an easy watch for the other 3 bubble teams (along with the rest of America).  So Finken gets a chance to defend his title and become the 1^st three-time champ.  Well, of course other than Chris’s claimed 5 titles. 

Finken jumping into the TB12 Method is paying off.

3. Play It Backwards – With the addition of Ekeler (and assuming Kamara makes it back), Mitch may have the best roster playoff roster aside from his uninspiring TE options.  But in a way, he’s lucky to still be in the playoffs.  After 5 weeks of very poor production (just 125 per week in Weeks 8-12!), he managed 2 victories in there (we’ll let you guess who those were against) and finally reemerged as a contender this past week in taking down Seth.  He’s fairly safe in the playoff picture; a win and he’s in.  A loss and a loss by either South or Chris, and he’s in.  The only way he misses out is if he loses and both Garrett and Chris win and Lazer outscores him by 70 points.  Luckily Chris doesn’t have the talent Lewis Central does so he’s probably home free. 

It's been dicey for Mitch but he's pretty much safe.  

4. Fuck It Three – At one point after the early games, South was projected to score over 200 and crush Finken after Jefferson and Montgomery went crazy.  However, Yahoo did not foresee the 5 single digit totals that his skill guys were going to post in late action.  So South, who’s been rolling lately and has by far the more points scored in the league (and potentially all-time with a +190 game in Week 14), is in danger of missing the playoffs.  He makes the playoffs if he wins or if both him and Chris lose.  However, if Lazer beats Kyle and South somehow loses to an Ekeler-less Riley, it’s going to be a long offseason of scouting 5^th round picks.  He likely (editors note: FINALLY!!!) won’t be able to undercut Finken in the draft this year.

South every week against every team.

5. If We’re Using Logic – Well that’s a kick in the crotch. Chris thought his Greatest Drafts Ever™ had paid early dividends as he went on a midseason run and JT became the best player in fantasy.  But then Ridley opted out, Pitts stagnated, CEH and Woods got hurt, and the combo of Chase, Lamb and Mike Williams stopped producing.  His team became the Kirk Cousins of the CNK…good enough to almost get you there but not enough to seal the deal (something he may want to talk to Seth about).  There’s good news and bad news.  The good news is he gets to face Kyle in Week 14.  The bad news is all South has to do is beat the RB-less, starting 2 TEs Riley.  The other bad news is that it’ll be tough to outscore Mitch by 70 without Taylor or Pittman, and now Mike William’s unvaxxed ass.  One would think that back-to-back Best Drafts Ever™ would yield higher playoff odds but then again, your humble moderators are not math guys.  Chris might have to break the Crayons out once again.

Lansink trying to figure a way into the playoffs.

6. Smells Low – Riley gets some credit for being competitive earlier this year after unloading Godwin, Jones and Montgomery.  He won a few games he probably shouldn’t have and even had a chance at the last playoff spot until Josh Allen (and more realistically Bill Belichick) closed the door on that Monday night.  And unless he goes off on South (like he did in Week 7), he’ll be going against Kyle for the #1 pick.  As previously mentioned, Riley’s done a good job of tearing it down despite keeping his key pieces while grabbing young talent and 2 years of draft capital.  In a way, he kind of out Kyle’d Kyle.  After the 2023 draft, his team could be sexier than his sister’s Instagram page.    

7. I’m Out – Much like his visit to the Rhino, this season just did not go the way Abel or really any of us thought it would.  After acquiring Henry, CMC, Thielen and Keenan Allen along with adding Trevor Lawrence, Jared was primed for his own title run after getting some playoff experience last year.  But now he’s tied for the worst record and is only playing for pick 3.1 vs 3.3.  He could finish the season on a 3 game winning streak by taking down Mitch and making things interesting but we don’t think his lone waiver wire addition of Nelson Agholor is going to make up for all the IR weeks of his key guys.  Maybe next year Abel.

Yes Abel...next year is it...

8. Off Suit 10s – Lehman, you treated us to an incredible meal last year in Vegas and for that we’ll be forever grateful.  We won’t be expecting the same from you this year because from the looks of this draft class and your overall depth chart, you might be sitting here again one year from today.  But we have faith that our local used car salesman has something up his sleeve to bring him out of the cellar.  We’ll have our popcorn waiting.