Season 4 - Week 3

Wow, that escalated quickly.  After last season of being a rather boring repeat of the year before, this one is off to a bang.  Through 3 weeks, the only playoff team from last year still in the top half is South.   The year of the underdog has continued with 3 of the 4 underdogs winning again this week.  It’s still early to declare anyone out but a few teams had better kick it into gear if they really want to contend this year.  Byes are starting this week and suspended players are starting to reemerge, so depth and decision making will be tested even further.

 Hot Take Trade Analysis – Mitch gets Marcus Mariota, Abel gets Sam Bradford and LaGarrette Blount – Abel gives up way too early on a high potential QB asset in order to get another MN player on his roster.  The throw-in RB can easily punch his way into the end zone in a potent offense but is also not beyond punching his way into suspensions.  A win now move for Abel and another solid rebuilding move for Mitch who looks to contend by the time Trump is done with his first term.

A mighty fine deal for the both of us my good sir!

 And now on with the Power Rankings…

1.       Off Suit 10s – As pathetic as his wins have been, Kyle remains undefeated at 3-0.  The perennial underdog did it again by barely breaking triple digits.  Luckily he was going against the only other team he could’ve beaten in Riley.  Every other team would’ve smoked his sorry ass.  Most likely his team is more of a fraud than a Wells Fargo savings account but for now, the Ponzi scheme is still going strong.  He gets a Rodgers-less Finken this weekend but is once again a heavy underdog.  Let’s see if he can split those sixes one more time. 

And then poof, Lehman will be gone from the #1 spot.

 

2.       Ah It’s Early – In reality, Seth really should be at the top spot of this list but we’ll let Kyle have his day in the sun since it probably won’t last much longer.  Seth took down the powerhouse a week after getting nosed out by Riley while scoring almost 180.  Stafford could be the garbage-time king of fantasy this year and David Johnson, Jordy and Melvin Gordon have been tearing it up.  If AIE’s team can stay healthy, then it’s here to stay.  The next stop on the worst-to-first train is Abel, who can’t possibly optimize his roster three weeks in a row…can he?
 

Seth does what few can, rips victory away from South.

3.       Fuck It Three – Garrett took a step back this past week as his QBs and Flex starters were held mostly in check.  Big Ben, Hopkins and Matthews put up Mitch-esque scores and Kelvin could’ve been swapped out for Hellen Keller with no impact.  Giving up Diggs has hurt FIT’s depth a bit, but Hopkins and Benjamin are due for a bounce-back games against soft Ds this week.  Getting Bell back will help, especially with Doug Martin hurt but he’ll need all his Steelers to score more than Seth at a Lansink family reunion to remain competitive. 
 

No reason, this is just hilarious and seems appropriate for South.

4.       I’m Out – Maybe-Competent-Abel has put together a 2^nd straight solid outing and was almost flawless in his decision making again.  This time it wasn’t his QBs that propelled him but flex players with Starvin-Marvin Jones and Murray going crazy.  With only one bench player scoring above 8 points (and that was only 11), the lack of depth is sure to catch up to him sooner rather than later.  Unfortunately, the waiver wire has not been part of his management strategy and his lack of experience with it could hinder future progress at building said depth. 

Somehow Abel keeps making it happen.

 

5.       Rollin 4 Deep – Finken got off the slide after losing 2 in row by putting up high points and taking the defending champ down.  As usual, he managed to leave his highest point-scorers on the bench for the 3^rd straight week even though his starters showed up for this matchup.  Maybe this team can flourish now that he isn’t compelled to start AP every week since he was scoring fewer points than Abel has left on his driving record.  He’d better hope Lehman’s luck runs out this week or else the uphill battle to the playoffs will be more difficult than convincing Chris that made a terrible play in pitch.
 

Finken keeps failing to make the right picks.

6.       If We’re Using Logic – HOFer Doug Baldwin did what he could but he can only carry Lazer so far.  Chris made some awful decisions in playing Gronk instead of Bennett, DeAngelo instead of 3 other RBs that would’ve fared better, the Miami D instead of his own beloved Chiefs, and Cobb who’s still partying like it’s 2015.  But it would’ve taken a major effort to overcome Finken this week.  Eli has completely shit the bed the past 2 weeks and ODBag might be the 3^rd best WR on that team now.  With a chance to get right against Mitch, IWUL will rebound this week counting on a healthy Gronk.  But going for a 3peat at 1-2 is less ideal than having to call Patrick to make a 6^th for cards. 

All of these Fitzpatrick picks could've been Lazers.

 

7.       Smells Low – Riley fell back to Earth this week after dropping a heartbreaker to Lehman by 4 points after just squeaking by Seth last week.  This drop may be a bit preemptive but Riley’s up against South next week and is currently almost a 25 point dog.  It’s kind of good news/bad news for Riley.  He does get some hardware this week, the bad news is that it’s the Cesaer Bad Manager of the Week award.  He could’ve subbed in either of his QBs or a number of RBs that would’ve given him the win over Kyle.  It’s a good thing that in future careers, the only thing he’ll be managing is some kind of insect and a ham-beast or two from Tinder. 

Riley's bad management may knock him back even further.

 

8.       Play It Backwards – Let’s check in on Mitch’s season so far…(also applies to auction league)

Season 4 - Week 2

Week 2 has come and gone and needless to say, it was a lot more entertaining than our opening week of blow-outs.  While there were still two 60+ point wins, there were also two games decided by only a few points and were won each by the underdogs.  One came down to the Sunday night game and the other come down to the Monday night game. 

But before we get on with the rankings, let’s check in on the Iowa football team…

 

 

….aaaaaaand back to the Power Rankings.

1.       Fuck It Three – Nothing unusual here, South once again dominated even though 2 of his main starters didn’t show up.  He now has high points and is 2-0.  FI3 is the clear favorite to win the league as Benjamin is emerging as Cam’s go-to guy and he’ll also get Bell back in week 4.  It’s a nice consolation prize to the rest of the league to only be funneling money into his childless bank account during football season now rather than every Wednesday night. 

South just seems to keep rolling.

 

2.       Off Suit 10s – I really wish we would’ve played cards this week during SNF.  Chris had a 22.82 lead going into the Pack-Vikes game with Cobb still in play.  All he had to worry about was an undrafted sophomore WR whose best fantasy game of his career netted 23.7 points.  But then Bradford came out throwing darts to Diggs and Cobb put his 2015 jersey on.  Usually just getting a win over Lansink would’ve made Kyle happier than Abel at a NASCAR themed wedding, and he probably would’ve just quit after that.  But a 1.08 win when Lazer thought he had it all wrapped up has to be one of the top entries in Kyle’s ‘Journal of Times That I’ve Really Pissed Chris Off.’  Kyle now finds himself at 2-0 even though he was a heavy underdog in each matchup and has to make a run of this expected lost season.  We’ll see if OS10s can sustain this as only 7 guys on his entire roster scored in double digits this week.  Getting Charles back is going to help but losing Abdullah, Ertz and Foster could hurt worse than losing to an FCS school.

Diggs digging Lansink's grave.

 

3.       Smells Low – Riley gets the top spot of the 1-loss teams this week for knocking off the 2^nd highest scorer of Week 2, Seth.  And since these rankings are really pretty arbitrary at this point in the season, it seems fair since Riley’s team will eventually crash harder than South coming off a three-day Mountain Dew and Skittles bender.  A bunch of random guys had decent weeks and the Denver D shut down Indy.  Riley seemed headed for tragedy after the Sunday games were completed after leaving the 2 highest scorers on his bench.  But Ryan Mathews came through on MNF with a last minute garbage TD to nose him into the lead.  He has another tough matchup against Kyle in the battle of overachievers, and he’s still 2 weeks from getting Brady back.  The good news is that even living off the grid in Canada (or wherever he is), he’s still managed to figure out how to use the waiver wire.

Von Miller will probably be Riley's MVP as well.

 

4.       Ah It’s Early – Seth had to feel pretty good going into MNF with a 12.26 lead (although not as good as Chris on Sunday) and only the fragile Mathews to worry about.  But he saw his lead disappear as Cutler was generously donating fumbles and picks to the Iggles, and they padded their score with a 2^nd Mathews TD.  It’s nice to know that Seth could take solace not only in the tender touch of Chris’s sister, but also in knowing that there weren’t really any roster moves he could’ve made that would’ve given him the win.  At least with South on the schedule next, he’ll know long before Sunday night that his chances of winning are as thin as his beard.

 

5.       If We’re Using Logic – We couldn’t put Chris ahead of Seth because, well you all know.  Chris suffered the worst beat of the year so far and it didn’t have to be so.  If one of you selfish bastards would’ve just traded him a ham sandwich for HOFer Doug Baldwin, he could’ve avoided this mess.  But instead he was stuck having to play him instead of the 10 other guys that would’ve given him the win.  Literally only 5 guys on his bench could not have taken Chris to victory.  And for that, Lazer is awarded the Casaer Award for worst manager of the week.  Next up for IWUL is a date with 0-2 R4D, who claimed the Week 1 Caesar Award.  Let’s see who can screw up the decision making the most this coming week.

Doug Baldwin isn't a top WR?

 

6.       I’m Out – Abel rebounded nicely after losing to his fellow Winterset colleague by destroying Finken.  His QBs went off and he pretty much maximized his roster management, which is believed by the Power Rankings to have been a complete accident.  All-of-a-sudden-competent-Abel now has a chance to go on a nice little run matching up against the worst team in the league next followed by the unluckiest team in the league.  And to top it all off, he still has all of his FAB money left.  He’s probably waiting to see which star Kyle drops by week 4.  That’s just the kind of good management and forward thinking that will keep him climbing these rankings.

Abel's got us all right where he wants us.

 

7.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken fields by far the most disappointing team so far this season.  His starters have underperformed and he’s continually leaving significant points on the bench.  Seriously, Finken’s roster decisions have been worse than a Ryan Knight 4-bid.  Things won’t get any easier with Lansink and Kyle coming to town the next few weeks and AP going on the shelf.  A few more losses early in the season and Finken’s only goal might be to go for the 1^st pick 3 years running.

Again...

 

8.       Play It Backwards – Mitch, you might want to get comfortable here.  Spruce the place up a bit, decorate as you see fit as it looks like #8 will be yours for a while.  You might want to rename it the “Singles Bar” due to the amount of single digits sprinkled across your roster.  Losing Woodhead for the year is going to be quite a blow and your time with Garoppolo looks to be ending sooner than expected.  We really tried to think of something positive to say about your team to close out the rankings, but it’s filled with more garbage than E! Network.

Mitch's team so far this season.



Season 4 - Week 1

The NFL has arrived but we here at the Card Night Kangs know that it’s the fake football teams that really matters.  We are now in Year 4 of our dynasty league and it seems like everyone has kind of figured it out by now (except Abel).  Chris at least thinks he has it figured out but let's remember, Kyle's ineptitude is his main reason for success.  An early draft made for some questionable decision-making but now it’s time to play some games and make people do stupid shit if their players get suspended.

 

How did we let Lazer win this league again?!?!?

Speaking of suspended, let’s check in on suspended players on people’s rosters and see if we can figure out a proper punishment for their owners…

-          Josh Gordon – 4 games for violation of the league’s drug policy.  Kyle should not be able to bid over his partner for the same 4 weeks (unless it's Chris, then he's required to).

-          Le’Veon Bell – 3 games for missing multiple mandated drug tests.  Suspension was reduced from 4 games to 3.  South should be forced to actually show up for 3 card nights in a row without any form of sugar in hand. 

-          Karlos Williams – 4 games for violation of the league’s substance abuse policy.  We could say that shotgunning 6 beers in 6 minutes would be an apt punishment, but for Abel, that sounds like a standard Tuesday evening.

-          Martavis Bryant – 1 year for multiple violations of the league’s substance abuse policy.  Mitch, you need to bake up a batch of Walt and Jesse’s finest, and bring it to cards for everyone to share.

-          Tom Brady – 4 games for deflating game balls in last year’s playoffs.  Riley, you’re required to collect nudes from a minimum of five willing females and show them off at cards so that we can all revel in just how deflated our own balls are.

-          Honorable mention – Josh Brown – suspended 1 game for violation of the personal conduct policy (i.e. domestic abuse).  Abel saved his ass here by switching him out with Blair Walsh before the season started otherwise Rachel would be bringing the thunder.

 

Time to pay up boys.  And now, on with the rankings…

1.     If We’re Using Logic – La Lazer is our reigning 2 time champ and until he is knocked off this pedestal, he deserves this spot to open the season.  Lucky for us that he is such a humble and graceful champ, otherwise, it would be unbearable.  Riley didn’t put up much of a fight and Chris took care of business even without Gronk in Week 1.  No one really blew up except future HOFer Doug Baldwin and soon-to-be backup RB DeAngelo Williams, but overall, it was solid enough to get the job done.  His starting lineup is probably better than anyone’s but if injuries start to hit, depth could become an issue.  Seth could probably give advice on how to handle the injury bug from last year and from what Cara says, depth is usually his issue too. 

Chris thinking about another year of sister jokes.

 

2.     Fuck It Three - After only winning 1 game in the first year of this league, Garrett has been on a roll finishing 2nd each of the last 2 years as well as top 2 in scoring both years.  We hope he’s content with only fantasy success since, as we married guys all know, his scoring is about to come to a screeching halt after the honeymoon.  South got a bit lucky that Finken couldn’t optimize his lineup but he scored the most points and will get Bell back soon.  He was also a bit quick on the trigger to try and add TE Jesse James to his roster from the waiver wire.  When reached for comment, Annie acknowledged that this issue spills over into other parts of their lives but refused to go into further details. 

4 and South is spent.

 

3.     Off Suit 10s – As usual, Kyle was the most active member in the league again this past year and that is not meant as a compliment.  He managed to take a few really good players and trade them away for a bunch of decent players that he’ll have to cut.  And now the yearly tradition begins of other owners picking up Kyle’s roster rejects to round their own team into championship shape.  But who are we to talk, Kyle’s 1-0 right now.  He did take the questionable strategy of starting 2 mid-tier TEs instead of a number of players who would’ve scored more.   He’ll have to be more selective going against Chris next week.  Unless he’d like Chris to tell him which guy to play.

Negotiating with Kyle.

 

4.     Ah It’s Early – Much like Finken’s feeble attempt at running a 5K, Seth’s team was destroyed by “injuries” last year.  Losing Romo, Dez, Jordy and Allen for the season ruled out any thought of contending.  He also didn’t help himself by drafting Melvin Gordon instead of Todd Gurley although, as his name indicates, it’s early.  Unfortunately Romo and Allen have already fell to the same fate and Jordy and Dez have been restricted from handling sharp objects.  But Seth remains in the top half since he pulled off the victory over Mitch despite not starting Gordon after he discovered what the endzone looks like.  Seth could easily get to 2-0 with Riley's pathetic squad on the schedule next.  But let's not start confusing Seth with Belichick.

Even I couldn't win with this crap roster.

 

5.     Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken finally got into the playoffs last year and cashed that glorious 3rd place check.  Between that, Seth’s late season run giving Finken Zeke Elliott and Lamar Miller landing in Houston, everything’s coming up roses for R4D.  However, that all came to an end when he made a last second decision to swap out Cooks and put in AP for his matchup with South.  And then things went South fast.  Finken left 3 non-QBs on his bench that scored over 32 points.  We haven't seen under-utilized resources like that since Abel's 2015 FAAB dollars.  Finken definitely gets the Cesaer Award for worst decision making of the week.

Who wants 1.1 now?

 

6.     Play It Backwards – After two straight consolation bracket finishes, our inaugural champ decided to reshape his team and look towards the future.  He traded away a lot of spare parts and got some good players back.  He also acquired 4 first rounders in a draft that everyone is billing the best thing to come out of college since safe spaces and feminism.  Fortunately, those 4 picks have a legit chance to be the first 4 picks in the draft.  Unfortunately, those guys aren’t going to help Mitch this year.  AJ Green was a lone bright spot in a terrible week.  Both his QBs injured themselves and the world hasn’t seen that many pre-teen scores since Warren Jeffs got locked up.

Let's check out the action instead of looking at this roster.

 

7.     Smells Low – Our resident 9th grader managed to make the playoffs again last year despite having Peyton Manning in his starting line-up for a good chunk of the season.  However, he could be in real trouble this year without him or BeastMode.  His best QB is out for the first 4 games of the season and while he may have decent RB depth, his other QBs and WR corps are uglier than Abel's last 3 draft classes.  It also doesn’t help when you only start 1 of those decent RBs and every other one on the bench outscores that starter.  One would think that starting Decker or Landry over CJ Anderson was a mistake Riley could’ve sniffed out.  Maybe the internet hasn’t made its way to Montana yet. 

Maybe there's a reason we haven't seen Riley in a while.  He is on the west coast...

 

8.     I’m Out – We here at the power rankings feel like a skipping record year-after-year.  Abel, where to begin.  First you trade Lazer the RB he needed for the grand opportunity of drafting a TE in the 1st round.  And then you rid yourself of your first 3 picks in the next draft, being hailed as the greatest thing since sliced bread internet porn.  And to top it off, you make an idiotic bet with Seth that a QB the Eagles traded their future to get, wouldn’t play for the next 3 years.  With Cam and Palmer and the rest of your starters, your team is probably better than we’re giving it credit for.  However, there has been a trend that has developed over the past 3 years and you’re team name says it all when it comes to playoff contention.

Abel's upcoming season in a nutshell.

Playoffs Round 1

The first round of the playoffs have concluded and it somehow feels like Groundhog Day.  Lansink and South are headed for a rematch of last years title game as Riley hopes to reach the trifecta of 3rd place finishes.  The consolation bracket was also an interesting watch as Seth put up a season high in points against Mitch  and our closest matchup was between Kyle and Abel.  We here at the Power Rankings feel good as we correctly predicted 3 of the 4 results and came real close to getting the scores correct of 2 of those 3 games.  Unfortunately after this week, our season has come to an end and we'll be stuck actually having to spend time with our families on the weekends.  But it also means...

Round 1 Recap

If We're Using Logic beats Rollin' 4 Deep - 181.74-160.58

Around halftime of the early games, R4D was probably feeling pretty good.  Evans had already put up a decent number on Thursday night, Carolina D was containing Eli and ODB, McCoy got injured and the Chiefs were winning comfortably so they could just run the clock out.  And then, right before halftime, everything went to hell for him.  Peterson got hurt, Baldwin grabbed his 2nd TD, Eli exploded in the second half and threw one to ODB and then the Chiefs grabbed a pick-6 for their 2nd TD.  And that, as they say it, was pretty much the ball game since Brees wasn't going to put another 53 pointer on MNF to save the day and Cooks and Sanders were sitting comfortably on the bench.  IWUL grabs his 6th win in a row and marches on to the title game while R4D is relegated to playing for the remaining scraps thinking of what could've been.

Lazer after realizing Finken leaving his best guys on the bench.

Fuck It Three beats Smells Low - 169.86-136.18

FIT was a predicted underdog but came back to beat SL for a third straight time this year.  As expected, this matchup came down to the Denver-Pitt matchup.  If Denver could've held Antonio Brown in check, Riley could've snuck his nose into the title game.  But instead Brown torched the Denver secondary in the 2nd half in route to his 2nd game of scoring over 46 points and 5th scoring over 35.  Once this transpired, there wasn't much SL could do (other than play Osweiler as we recommended).  Amendola got hurt, Brady didn't need to throw since they were way ahead and CJ Anderson got about as much playing time as Seth at the annual Lansink family powder puff game.  All in all, it was another semifinal to forget for Riley. 

What Riley's Pats basically did to him this weekend.

Final Round Preview

If We're Using Logic vs. Fuck It Three

It's amazing how similar this game is to 12 months ago.  Last year, they split the season series with FIT winning the first and IWUL taking the second while riding a 5 game winning streak into the title game.  This year, they split again with wins in the same combination but now IWUL has a 6 game winning streak going.  The result last year was a decisive victory for IWUL of 162.02-104.76. However this year, Chris was the top scorer in the league but now Shady McCoy is hurt and will be without Odell after getting suspended for his cheap shot and "first blood" challenge to Josh Norman.  Without these key guys, Common Sense Chris may have a difficult time as a few of his other key guys are taking on some pretty stout Ds, just like South's mom.  FIT gets a few juicy matchups but won't get Luck back in his lineup until next year (let's face it, luck's always in South's lineup).  As expected, it should be a great matchup between the 2 best teams in the league and we're predicting IWUL to still pull out a narrow win 146.32-138.18. 

Could this be the biggest suspension in fantasy playoff history?

Smells Low vs. Rollin' 4 Deep

Well, it's not a surprise that these are the two teams on this side of the bracket playing for 3rd place.  Each of them got it handed to them pretty well in Round 1 and have now lost 4 of their last 6.  SL won each of the two regular season meetings although the most recent one was by the slimmest of even Riley's nosehairs, a mere 0.06 points.  R4D is in a better position to take home some cash for the first time in this league based on matchups and health.  SL could literally be scrambling to fill his last flex spot since his line up looks more beat up than Eva's lady flower a month after their split.  With several plus matchups, R4D takes 3rd 162.32-148.88.

Finken's in the money and grabbing the #1 pick (don't screw this up Seth)

Consolation Update

Off Suit 10s leads I'm Out - 149.72-135.54

In the closest matchup of the weekend, OS10s leads IO in the race for the 3rd pick by 14.18 points.  As usual, OS10s sat Bortles which scored more than his starting QBs but was saved by his flex WRs.  IO's lineup was basically Cam Newton and a bunch of other crap.  His 2 highest scoring position players were each on the bench and unfortunately for Jared, you can't convert leftover FAB $ into points.  Luckily for IO, OS10s has some horrible matchups next week and may be prime for the taking, especially if Cam keeps rolling the way he has been.  We'll say Abel completes the comeback to grab the 3rd pick 280.79-276.06. 

Cam continues to carry Abel this season.

Ah It's Early leads Play It Backwards - 235.40-152.60

Wow, we're not sure where this came from.  AIE rose from the ashes of the season to put up the highest point total of the season (and the 2nd highest point total ever) and give himself a commanding lead over PIB in the battle for the first pick.  All of his player were in double digits and 6 were over 22 points, led by his UNI wunderkid David Johnson.  PIB put up a respectable total but the optimal lineup with Woodhead, Desean and the correct Bengals RB, he'd be right in it with well over 200 points.  It's a good thing he got the Indianola OC position before they saw this smudge on his resume.  Now he'll have his work cut out for him in overcoming a 75 point deficit to prevent Seth from shipping that #1 pick to Finken.  Both of these guys have some tough matchups this next week so we're thinking it's going to be hard for PIB to catch AIE like in the 1st league title game, Seth gets his revenge 2 years later 358.28-308.58.

Mitch = Eagles D

Week 14

Let's pour one out for 2015 as our 3rd regular season in the Card Night Kangs comes to a close.  The final standings don't look significantly different than the previous year although at least there was some drama going into the final week.  Chris and Garrett managed to finish 1-2 for the past 2 years and Riley has now finished 3rd every year of this league.  Finken was able to hold onto 4th place and punch his ticket to the playoffs for the first time while relegating Abel to the losers bracket for the third straight year.  Kyle will spend his first year out of the playoffs while Mitch and Seth battle for the first pick.  Injuries played a huge part of the results this year and team depth really shown through in a couple spots.  The teams peaking now are the ones that stayed relatively healthy and managed to the waiver well.  We'll see if we crown a new champ this year or Chris can be the first to repeat.  Either way, it'll be fun to watch.

It's been a great season so let's take a look at the final rankings:

1. If We're Using Logic - Most points in the league and the favorite to repeat and defend his title.  We're all still paying for Kyle dropping ODB. 
2. Fuck It Three - Was #1 for most of the year and still dangerous as the usual Southy luck is always in play.
3. Smells Low - Had a solid early season but has lost 3 of 4 after the STDs really took hold. 
4. Rollin 4 Deep - Makes his first playoff appearance and is poised to stick it to the defending champ harder than he did in their frat days.
5. I'm Out - Looked like a viable squad at some points and managed to save all of his FAB money for the playoff push.  Solid strategy.
6. Off Suit 10s - Traded his way out of the playoffs for the first time.  Stands by every move.
7. Play It Backwards - After reading every fantasy article and rankings published, Mitch made the wrong roster adjustments every week and finished tied for last. 
8. Ah It's Early - I think a few players on Seth's team were injured so many times they actually died.

Playoff Preview

If We're Using Logic vs. Rollin' 4 Deep

These two teams split their season series but Chris comes in as the favorite as he's has won 5 in a row and scored over 150 in 6 of his last 7 games.  The key to this resurgence is that his team is now healthy enough, he can afford to use his IR spot on a kicker.  The potential of Gronk, Julio, McCoy and ODB is what seperates IWUL most weeks but it's his consistency is what makes his team the most dangerous.  R4D's lineup can put up points but he's also put up less than 135 in 3 of the past 4 weeks.  And if Finken can't at least score his supposed weight for this match-up, he's in more trouble than Mitch when Heidi is calling his cell.

We're not sure if R4D is the luckiest or unluckiest team this year.  He made the playoffs and took down Seth this week (possibly) only because Seth lost the Red Rocket, Eifert and JStew during their games and put up less than 100 points.  Finken's also faced by far the fewest points than anyone this year.  However, he did lose 2 games by less than a point and to Abel when he didn't even set a full lineup.  Either way, it looks like Finken has his work cut out but can make it a tight game but fall just short as usual 157.27-149.51. 

ODB helps Lazer just sneak by.

Fuck It Three vs. Smells Low

FIT wasn't able to take down the defending champ in the season finale so he gets the #2 seed and a threesome date with Riley and his herpes for a shot at the title.  FIT swept this season series but has a tough matchup coming with his Steelers facing Riley's tough Denver D.   That Denver-Pitt game will go a long ways towards deciding this matchup since it looks like 6 guys will play a prominent role, 7 if Riley would have the balls to put Osweiler in his lineup as well.  Riley is favored by a nose (obviously) and should probably be by more given the good matchups of some of his key guys.  Looks like third times a charm for Smells Low in semifinal games 164.52-138.74. 

South's luck may finally run out this week.  Na na na boo boo, get ass in yo face.

I'm Out vs. Off Suit 10s

Abel may have been the scariest team had he made the playoffs outside of Lazer.  He's won 5 of his last 6 and has scored 135 or over in 6 of his last 7 games.  And that's without ever checking his lineup.  Imagine if he would've put in the effort to improving his team over the year.  Now he gets a 2 week matchup against his old Winterset nemesis for the 3rd pick.  After losing 4 straight, OS10s has put together 2 solid wins and looks to have some momentum.  Right now Kyle is favored to take advantage early in the clash of these two heavyweights (literally).  Reminiscent of his highs chool days, Kyle takes pole position early 142.94-131.46.

Each of these teams had chance this year but it somehow slipped through their hands.

Play It Backwards vs. Ah It's Early

While these guys fight it out for 2 weeks, Seth will need to contemplate a way to beat Abel's amazing last-minute Dominos order for the draft last year.  It's not like South showed up with craft beer and shrimp after he shit the bed in year one.  Anyways, the easy analysis is that Mitch will probably dominate this since he has some favorable matchups and Seth's lineup has taken a worse beating than a Cyclone reporter trying to escape the court.  However, realize that PIB is relying heavily on Sam Bradford and Eric Ebron.  We've seen this story before.  Seth takes the early lead 137.57-131.54.

Basically this entire season for both of these owners.

Week 13

Week 13 brought a reasonable amount of closure to the playoff picture.  Three familiar teams have found their way back to the playoffs, Riley being the only fake coach to do so all three years of the league. Although, with his aging team, nose issues and general lack of good taste in hats, the horizon isn’t looking very promising.  2015 will see the first 3^rd-4^th place game that doesn’t feature Riley beating up on Kyle as the pick-trading wonder will be missing the playoffs for the first time.  Let's examine where we are:

South, Chris, and Riley – All are in but none of the seeding is finalized.  If Riley loses, it’s almost guaranteed that the winner of FIT and IWUL will be the #1 seed.  If Riley wins, he will need Chris to pull off the upset to earn the #1 seed and a date with the last playoff addition to the final four.  The first seed is important as whoever the #4 seed is will be by far the weakest of the contenders, especially if it's Finken, who has no more seed left. 

Finken and Abel – The Power Rankings are giving the final playoff spot to Finken with a probability of 92.34664%.  The only way for Finken to surrender the spot to Abel is to lose and get outscored by Abel by 57.76 points…and Abel would have to win, which is a lot to ask of someone who can barely check their lineup on Sunday morning. 

Mitch and Kyle – Consider a different hobby.

Seth – We expect this:

And now, on with the Power Rankings:

1. Fuck It Three - FIT finally pulled together a solid week across the board, aside from Eddie Lacy, to stamp his ticket to the playoffs.  The RoethlisBrown duo is in prime form for the playoffs and Doug Martin is starting to look like a real running back again.  Delanie Walker has been the top TE over the past four weeks but faces a tough schedule through the end of the fantasy year.  FIT is primed to be the team to beat heading into the playoffs and might have a healthy Luck available to crap on his dreams with another 1-point playoff performance.

WEEEEE!!!!  South's headed for another #1 seed.

2. Smells Low – With the third highest score of the week, Riley’s postseason push could be troublesome for others in the bracket.  He’s predicted to put up almost 170 this week, Freeman is continuing to put up solid numbers and Amendola would be a good trade for a number one QB right now, especially in a 16 team league.  His lack of depth at WR could haunt him, though.  Only time will tell if it haunts him as much as the herpes he’s probably getting from the college strange.

Maybe Brady could be Riley's missing WR.

3. If We're Using Logic – Chris’s fantasy team has chosen a poor time to strive for the mediocrity that matches his sex life.  IWUL locked in his second straight playoff berth with a win over a hapless Finken.  Randall Cobb continues to disappoint, but Maclin has put together two fantastic games in a row and three promising matchups in front of him.  Getting Gronk back will be key to postseason success.  Chris’s still struggling with lineup issues as his bench scored more than an average southerner at a family reunion.

ODB in to rescue Lazer's decisions again.

4. Rollin' 4 Deep - R4D had a dismal week where his defense was the second highest scorer on the team.  Allen Robinson singlehandedly saved Finken from total embarrassment going off for 3TDs and 153 yards while he left Brees, Cooks and James White on his bench.  He’ll need to make the correct roster adjustments if he wants to make a push for the league championship.  He gets one last shot at setting a solid roster before the playoffs begin.  If he does make the playoffs after losing 5 of the past 7, it’ll be a hollow victory, much like his Huskers being given a pity-bowl-berth at 5-7. 

Basically how Finken has handled the past month and a half.

5. I’m Out – Abel continues his surge even in a losing effort.  He saw his 4 game winning streak snapped by FIT, the only team in the league that scored more than he did.  While the loss really hurt his playoff bid, he was able to make up a good amount of the point difference between he and Finken.  Still, IO’s on the outside looking in at this point much like Riley at an Eva orgy. 

Can we live in a world where Abel's team isn't actually that bad?

6. Off Suit 10s – Kyle was able to knock off Mitch this past week and take himself out of the running for the first pick.  He did everything he could though to lose this game having 4 starters score in the single digits and 10 guys put up 0 on his bench.  He may have an off-suit-10 up his sleeve though as he’s currently a 20 point underdog to Riley this week.  Those are steeper odds than Cesaer being called to make a 6th. 

This catch basically took Kyle out of the #1 pick matchup.

7. Play It Backwards – Mitch won the war of attrition by losing.  He made the right call by starting Gio and Moncrief over far superior guys on the bench and managed to pick up a TE that neither of us had heard of.  It’s these kind of strategic and well-thought out plays that got Mitch from League Champ in year 1 to where he is right now.  He's performing like a Kardashian at a talent contest.  Bravo.

Headed for the #1 pick, time for the Carlton.

8. Ah It’s Early – Just like his namesake says, it’s never too early to start planning for next year.  And by next year, we definitely mean starting his draft day grocery list.

Seth after a very long fantasy season.