Playoffs Round 1

The first round of the playoffs have concluded and it somehow feels like Groundhog Day.  Lansink and South are headed for a rematch of last years title game as Riley hopes to reach the trifecta of 3rd place finishes.  The consolation bracket was also an interesting watch as Seth put up a season high in points against Mitch  and our closest matchup was between Kyle and Abel.  We here at the Power Rankings feel good as we correctly predicted 3 of the 4 results and came real close to getting the scores correct of 2 of those 3 games.  Unfortunately after this week, our season has come to an end and we'll be stuck actually having to spend time with our families on the weekends.  But it also means...

Round 1 Recap

If We're Using Logic beats Rollin' 4 Deep - 181.74-160.58

Around halftime of the early games, R4D was probably feeling pretty good.  Evans had already put up a decent number on Thursday night, Carolina D was containing Eli and ODB, McCoy got injured and the Chiefs were winning comfortably so they could just run the clock out.  And then, right before halftime, everything went to hell for him.  Peterson got hurt, Baldwin grabbed his 2nd TD, Eli exploded in the second half and threw one to ODB and then the Chiefs grabbed a pick-6 for their 2nd TD.  And that, as they say it, was pretty much the ball game since Brees wasn't going to put another 53 pointer on MNF to save the day and Cooks and Sanders were sitting comfortably on the bench.  IWUL grabs his 6th win in a row and marches on to the title game while R4D is relegated to playing for the remaining scraps thinking of what could've been.

Lazer after realizing Finken leaving his best guys on the bench.

Fuck It Three beats Smells Low - 169.86-136.18

FIT was a predicted underdog but came back to beat SL for a third straight time this year.  As expected, this matchup came down to the Denver-Pitt matchup.  If Denver could've held Antonio Brown in check, Riley could've snuck his nose into the title game.  But instead Brown torched the Denver secondary in the 2nd half in route to his 2nd game of scoring over 46 points and 5th scoring over 35.  Once this transpired, there wasn't much SL could do (other than play Osweiler as we recommended).  Amendola got hurt, Brady didn't need to throw since they were way ahead and CJ Anderson got about as much playing time as Seth at the annual Lansink family powder puff game.  All in all, it was another semifinal to forget for Riley. 

What Riley's Pats basically did to him this weekend.

Final Round Preview

If We're Using Logic vs. Fuck It Three

It's amazing how similar this game is to 12 months ago.  Last year, they split the season series with FIT winning the first and IWUL taking the second while riding a 5 game winning streak into the title game.  This year, they split again with wins in the same combination but now IWUL has a 6 game winning streak going.  The result last year was a decisive victory for IWUL of 162.02-104.76. However this year, Chris was the top scorer in the league but now Shady McCoy is hurt and will be without Odell after getting suspended for his cheap shot and "first blood" challenge to Josh Norman.  Without these key guys, Common Sense Chris may have a difficult time as a few of his other key guys are taking on some pretty stout Ds, just like South's mom.  FIT gets a few juicy matchups but won't get Luck back in his lineup until next year (let's face it, luck's always in South's lineup).  As expected, it should be a great matchup between the 2 best teams in the league and we're predicting IWUL to still pull out a narrow win 146.32-138.18. 

Could this be the biggest suspension in fantasy playoff history?

Smells Low vs. Rollin' 4 Deep

Well, it's not a surprise that these are the two teams on this side of the bracket playing for 3rd place.  Each of them got it handed to them pretty well in Round 1 and have now lost 4 of their last 6.  SL won each of the two regular season meetings although the most recent one was by the slimmest of even Riley's nosehairs, a mere 0.06 points.  R4D is in a better position to take home some cash for the first time in this league based on matchups and health.  SL could literally be scrambling to fill his last flex spot since his line up looks more beat up than Eva's lady flower a month after their split.  With several plus matchups, R4D takes 3rd 162.32-148.88.

Finken's in the money and grabbing the #1 pick (don't screw this up Seth)

Consolation Update

Off Suit 10s leads I'm Out - 149.72-135.54

In the closest matchup of the weekend, OS10s leads IO in the race for the 3rd pick by 14.18 points.  As usual, OS10s sat Bortles which scored more than his starting QBs but was saved by his flex WRs.  IO's lineup was basically Cam Newton and a bunch of other crap.  His 2 highest scoring position players were each on the bench and unfortunately for Jared, you can't convert leftover FAB $ into points.  Luckily for IO, OS10s has some horrible matchups next week and may be prime for the taking, especially if Cam keeps rolling the way he has been.  We'll say Abel completes the comeback to grab the 3rd pick 280.79-276.06. 

Cam continues to carry Abel this season.

Ah It's Early leads Play It Backwards - 235.40-152.60

Wow, we're not sure where this came from.  AIE rose from the ashes of the season to put up the highest point total of the season (and the 2nd highest point total ever) and give himself a commanding lead over PIB in the battle for the first pick.  All of his player were in double digits and 6 were over 22 points, led by his UNI wunderkid David Johnson.  PIB put up a respectable total but the optimal lineup with Woodhead, Desean and the correct Bengals RB, he'd be right in it with well over 200 points.  It's a good thing he got the Indianola OC position before they saw this smudge on his resume.  Now he'll have his work cut out for him in overcoming a 75 point deficit to prevent Seth from shipping that #1 pick to Finken.  Both of these guys have some tough matchups this next week so we're thinking it's going to be hard for PIB to catch AIE like in the 1st league title game, Seth gets his revenge 2 years later 358.28-308.58.

Mitch = Eagles D

Week 14

Let's pour one out for 2015 as our 3rd regular season in the Card Night Kangs comes to a close.  The final standings don't look significantly different than the previous year although at least there was some drama going into the final week.  Chris and Garrett managed to finish 1-2 for the past 2 years and Riley has now finished 3rd every year of this league.  Finken was able to hold onto 4th place and punch his ticket to the playoffs for the first time while relegating Abel to the losers bracket for the third straight year.  Kyle will spend his first year out of the playoffs while Mitch and Seth battle for the first pick.  Injuries played a huge part of the results this year and team depth really shown through in a couple spots.  The teams peaking now are the ones that stayed relatively healthy and managed to the waiver well.  We'll see if we crown a new champ this year or Chris can be the first to repeat.  Either way, it'll be fun to watch.

It's been a great season so let's take a look at the final rankings:

1. If We're Using Logic - Most points in the league and the favorite to repeat and defend his title.  We're all still paying for Kyle dropping ODB. 
2. Fuck It Three - Was #1 for most of the year and still dangerous as the usual Southy luck is always in play.
3. Smells Low - Had a solid early season but has lost 3 of 4 after the STDs really took hold. 
4. Rollin 4 Deep - Makes his first playoff appearance and is poised to stick it to the defending champ harder than he did in their frat days.
5. I'm Out - Looked like a viable squad at some points and managed to save all of his FAB money for the playoff push.  Solid strategy.
6. Off Suit 10s - Traded his way out of the playoffs for the first time.  Stands by every move.
7. Play It Backwards - After reading every fantasy article and rankings published, Mitch made the wrong roster adjustments every week and finished tied for last. 
8. Ah It's Early - I think a few players on Seth's team were injured so many times they actually died.

Playoff Preview

If We're Using Logic vs. Rollin' 4 Deep

These two teams split their season series but Chris comes in as the favorite as he's has won 5 in a row and scored over 150 in 6 of his last 7 games.  The key to this resurgence is that his team is now healthy enough, he can afford to use his IR spot on a kicker.  The potential of Gronk, Julio, McCoy and ODB is what seperates IWUL most weeks but it's his consistency is what makes his team the most dangerous.  R4D's lineup can put up points but he's also put up less than 135 in 3 of the past 4 weeks.  And if Finken can't at least score his supposed weight for this match-up, he's in more trouble than Mitch when Heidi is calling his cell.

We're not sure if R4D is the luckiest or unluckiest team this year.  He made the playoffs and took down Seth this week (possibly) only because Seth lost the Red Rocket, Eifert and JStew during their games and put up less than 100 points.  Finken's also faced by far the fewest points than anyone this year.  However, he did lose 2 games by less than a point and to Abel when he didn't even set a full lineup.  Either way, it looks like Finken has his work cut out but can make it a tight game but fall just short as usual 157.27-149.51. 

ODB helps Lazer just sneak by.

Fuck It Three vs. Smells Low

FIT wasn't able to take down the defending champ in the season finale so he gets the #2 seed and a threesome date with Riley and his herpes for a shot at the title.  FIT swept this season series but has a tough matchup coming with his Steelers facing Riley's tough Denver D.   That Denver-Pitt game will go a long ways towards deciding this matchup since it looks like 6 guys will play a prominent role, 7 if Riley would have the balls to put Osweiler in his lineup as well.  Riley is favored by a nose (obviously) and should probably be by more given the good matchups of some of his key guys.  Looks like third times a charm for Smells Low in semifinal games 164.52-138.74. 

South's luck may finally run out this week.  Na na na boo boo, get ass in yo face.

I'm Out vs. Off Suit 10s

Abel may have been the scariest team had he made the playoffs outside of Lazer.  He's won 5 of his last 6 and has scored 135 or over in 6 of his last 7 games.  And that's without ever checking his lineup.  Imagine if he would've put in the effort to improving his team over the year.  Now he gets a 2 week matchup against his old Winterset nemesis for the 3rd pick.  After losing 4 straight, OS10s has put together 2 solid wins and looks to have some momentum.  Right now Kyle is favored to take advantage early in the clash of these two heavyweights (literally).  Reminiscent of his highs chool days, Kyle takes pole position early 142.94-131.46.

Each of these teams had chance this year but it somehow slipped through their hands.

Play It Backwards vs. Ah It's Early

While these guys fight it out for 2 weeks, Seth will need to contemplate a way to beat Abel's amazing last-minute Dominos order for the draft last year.  It's not like South showed up with craft beer and shrimp after he shit the bed in year one.  Anyways, the easy analysis is that Mitch will probably dominate this since he has some favorable matchups and Seth's lineup has taken a worse beating than a Cyclone reporter trying to escape the court.  However, realize that PIB is relying heavily on Sam Bradford and Eric Ebron.  We've seen this story before.  Seth takes the early lead 137.57-131.54.

Basically this entire season for both of these owners.

Week 13

Week 13 brought a reasonable amount of closure to the playoff picture.  Three familiar teams have found their way back to the playoffs, Riley being the only fake coach to do so all three years of the league. Although, with his aging team, nose issues and general lack of good taste in hats, the horizon isn’t looking very promising.  2015 will see the first 3^rd-4^th place game that doesn’t feature Riley beating up on Kyle as the pick-trading wonder will be missing the playoffs for the first time.  Let's examine where we are:

South, Chris, and Riley – All are in but none of the seeding is finalized.  If Riley loses, it’s almost guaranteed that the winner of FIT and IWUL will be the #1 seed.  If Riley wins, he will need Chris to pull off the upset to earn the #1 seed and a date with the last playoff addition to the final four.  The first seed is important as whoever the #4 seed is will be by far the weakest of the contenders, especially if it's Finken, who has no more seed left. 

Finken and Abel – The Power Rankings are giving the final playoff spot to Finken with a probability of 92.34664%.  The only way for Finken to surrender the spot to Abel is to lose and get outscored by Abel by 57.76 points…and Abel would have to win, which is a lot to ask of someone who can barely check their lineup on Sunday morning. 

Mitch and Kyle – Consider a different hobby.

Seth – We expect this:

And now, on with the Power Rankings:

1. Fuck It Three - FIT finally pulled together a solid week across the board, aside from Eddie Lacy, to stamp his ticket to the playoffs.  The RoethlisBrown duo is in prime form for the playoffs and Doug Martin is starting to look like a real running back again.  Delanie Walker has been the top TE over the past four weeks but faces a tough schedule through the end of the fantasy year.  FIT is primed to be the team to beat heading into the playoffs and might have a healthy Luck available to crap on his dreams with another 1-point playoff performance.

WEEEEE!!!!  South's headed for another #1 seed.

2. Smells Low – With the third highest score of the week, Riley’s postseason push could be troublesome for others in the bracket.  He’s predicted to put up almost 170 this week, Freeman is continuing to put up solid numbers and Amendola would be a good trade for a number one QB right now, especially in a 16 team league.  His lack of depth at WR could haunt him, though.  Only time will tell if it haunts him as much as the herpes he’s probably getting from the college strange.

Maybe Brady could be Riley's missing WR.

3. If We're Using Logic – Chris’s fantasy team has chosen a poor time to strive for the mediocrity that matches his sex life.  IWUL locked in his second straight playoff berth with a win over a hapless Finken.  Randall Cobb continues to disappoint, but Maclin has put together two fantastic games in a row and three promising matchups in front of him.  Getting Gronk back will be key to postseason success.  Chris’s still struggling with lineup issues as his bench scored more than an average southerner at a family reunion.

ODB in to rescue Lazer's decisions again.

4. Rollin' 4 Deep - R4D had a dismal week where his defense was the second highest scorer on the team.  Allen Robinson singlehandedly saved Finken from total embarrassment going off for 3TDs and 153 yards while he left Brees, Cooks and James White on his bench.  He’ll need to make the correct roster adjustments if he wants to make a push for the league championship.  He gets one last shot at setting a solid roster before the playoffs begin.  If he does make the playoffs after losing 5 of the past 7, it’ll be a hollow victory, much like his Huskers being given a pity-bowl-berth at 5-7. 

Basically how Finken has handled the past month and a half.

5. I’m Out – Abel continues his surge even in a losing effort.  He saw his 4 game winning streak snapped by FIT, the only team in the league that scored more than he did.  While the loss really hurt his playoff bid, he was able to make up a good amount of the point difference between he and Finken.  Still, IO’s on the outside looking in at this point much like Riley at an Eva orgy. 

Can we live in a world where Abel's team isn't actually that bad?

6. Off Suit 10s – Kyle was able to knock off Mitch this past week and take himself out of the running for the first pick.  He did everything he could though to lose this game having 4 starters score in the single digits and 10 guys put up 0 on his bench.  He may have an off-suit-10 up his sleeve though as he’s currently a 20 point underdog to Riley this week.  Those are steeper odds than Cesaer being called to make a 6th. 

This catch basically took Kyle out of the #1 pick matchup.

7. Play It Backwards – Mitch won the war of attrition by losing.  He made the right call by starting Gio and Moncrief over far superior guys on the bench and managed to pick up a TE that neither of us had heard of.  It’s these kind of strategic and well-thought out plays that got Mitch from League Champ in year 1 to where he is right now.  He's performing like a Kardashian at a talent contest.  Bravo.

Headed for the #1 pick, time for the Carlton.

8. Ah It’s Early – Just like his namesake says, it’s never too early to start planning for next year.  And by next year, we definitely mean starting his draft day grocery list.

Seth after a very long fantasy season.

Week 12

Week 12 is in the books and with only 2 weeks left to go, the playoff picture is coming into focus so let's evaluate where we are at:



South and Riley - Both teams are all but in based on record and point total.  Either would have to lose both games and get passed in points by a few teams in order to miss the playoffs.  Both failed to put it away this past week so they'll have to wait one more week to try and solidify their spot.



Chris and Finken - Must win at least one game or have Abel lose one game.  One of these teams is in for sure after this week since they're playing each other.  The loser will need to win their next game or have Abel lose one of the next two games since they have a decent point cushion.  Chris definitely has the harder schedule remaining (Fink, South) than Finken (Chris, Seth). 



Abel - Needs to win both of his games and hope that either Finken or Chris lose two games or that he catches one of them in points.  With 100+ point deficit currently, that may be a tall task.  Abel faces South this week and Mitch next week.



Mitch, Kyle and Seth - Try as you have, your feeble attempt at fantasy sportsing has left you with little more than a bruised ego, a lighter wallet, terrible taste in clothes, ugly pets, unnatural body odors and an empty, hollow winter to look forward to.  Don't worry, you probably won't do any better next year.  

No you three, this graph doesn't represent what happened to you this year.

Amazingly, the whole playoff scenario falls on what Abel does for the most part, which no one would've predicted at any point during the beginning of this year.  South could make this whole discussion moot by beating him this week and giving us all a meaningless Week 13.  But for now, on with the Power Rankings...

Come on South, finish off Abel.

1. Fuck It Three - FIT wasn't able to donkey-punch his playoff ticket yet as his 5 game winning streak was snapped by Finken.  He left a couple big point totals on his bench and had Richard Sherman attacking Brown all day.  And with Big Ben self-admitting into concussion protocol, he could be on thin ice for next week too.  Luckily, he's got a number of favorable matchups and is prime position to win two straight regular season titles.  But like his usual travails in the bedroom, South could end up finishing his season earlier than expected again.

Usually South is doing this to other people.

2. Smells Low - Not exactly the way you want to go into the playoffs losing 3 of the past 4.  Luckily, he's facing the two worst teams in a playoff path that's easier than (allegedly) deciding which college girl to lay the wood to on a random Tuesday night.  Riley is all in right now (and with Riley it's never that far in) trading his first 2 picks in the next draft for an injured Freeman and giving away Moncreif for a backup QB that he didn't need.  Riley does own the trade of the year for trading one V in for a whole college campus full of Vs. 

What Riley claims every weeknight is like.

3. If We're Using Logic - Like his proclivity to wear jorts and file his taxes early, Common Sense Chris's lineup choices were not ideal but they were enough to get the win.  Both of his bench QBs scored more than his starters and we left two 30+ point WRs riding the pine.  IWUL is getting his mojo back after a midseason slump by winning 3 straight and finally beating a team with a winning record.  Although now he's fighting for his playoff life against Finken and South and potentially doing it with $41 worth of Scott Chandler. 

This pretty much saved Lazer's day.

4. Rollin' 4 Deep - R4D did the improbable and swept the season series against the #1 team.  In doing so, he also snapped his losing streak and kept himself ahead of Abel in the playoff race.  AP and his Chargers went off to seal the victory and he could've claimed high points if he would've started TY Hilton, who he just traded for.  R4D is the most susceptible playoff contender to be caught from behind by Abel.  But not as susceptible as Riley is to being caught from behind by his Grindr app.

McCoy's so happy not to be part of Finken's Iggles anymore.

5. I'm Out - We've said it before and hopefully will not have to again but it's amazing what happens when you set a full lineup.  IO has now won 4 in a row and is in prime position to make a run at his first playoff spot.  Or at least would've been in prime position had he filled a roster each week since he's behind Finken by just over 100 points.  All of those missing points sure would come in handy right about now.  IO's missing more points from his roster than the Lakers with Grandpa Kobe at the helm.

Abel trying one last ditch effort to show he cares.

6. Play It Backwards - PIB took home high points this week and finally snapped is four game schnide.  Although he lost his Jimmy for the season, the rest of his starters exploded.  Mitch and Kyle are in an interesting situation this week.  Both are eliminated from the playoffs so they could theoretically tank into the very bottom of the standings to get either #1 or #2 pick.  But both can't tank since they're playing each other.  Could be a case of who can start the worse active players as to not be penalized by the rest of the league.  Or as we usually call it, Abel's standard strategy. 

Try not to make it too obvious Mitch.

7. Off Suit 10s - Kyle's season is officially over after losing 4 in a row.  Bortles scored more than either of his starting QBs and James Jones put up a fat 0.  Good news though, he did just pick up the starting QB for the Texans next year.  I think it's time to take a step back and appreciate all of the trades that Kyle made during the past year and relish in where it got him.  I'm sure trading the next Adrian Peterson for a couple of rookie picks won't come back to haunt him either.

Bortles could've had 2 more TDs had there not been any refs.

8. Ah It's Early - By Thanksgiving evening, AIE knew he was in more trouble than Iowa State in the fourth quarter.  Romo got hurt again and is done for the year while Dez and Forte put up barely 10 points combined.  He also watched Calvin and Tate put up 4 TDs against him while their QB sat on his bench.  Now he gets to face two top four teams to finish the season, which probably guarantees himself a spot in the #7 vs #8 game and playing for the first pick.  But the most important thing is the pattern lives on, 9 weeks running now LWLWLWLWL.  Watch out Riley, statistics are coming for you.

Only two more weeks for the pattern to hold.

Week 11

The power rankings decided to take their annual bye this past week due to the fact that Finken was out of town and South was too lazy to put them together alone as he agreed to do.  So if you were missing your weekly break from your depressing life filled with mundane job responsibilities and head scratching family obligations, feel free to call South and....

Week 11 is in the books and there are only 3 weeks left to make a move.  We have a new king of the mountain as Riley got a taste of the ole Dirty South this past week.  Technically no one has clinched a playoff spot yet but it would take an act of congress for South or Riley to miss out at this point.  This week will go a long ways to determine who makes it as numerous matchups could eliminate the loser.  Point totals will also become very important so some of you lower teams, make sure to try and score 250+.  Now on with the power rankings.


Several team's playoff chances at the end of this week.

1. Fuck It Three - FIT took home high points for the week and swept the season series of the previous #1 team.  His trio of Famous Jamies, Hopkins and Doug Martin did most of the damage.  If FIT can't be beat with the Steelers on bye, then the rest of this league is in trouble going forward.  He's won 5 straight and Big Ben looks healthy enough to rape just about anything on the remaining schedule.  With 3 playoff contenders left on the docket in Finken, Abel and Chris, it won't be easy, but that's what they said about reaching the flexibility to bee jibber himself.  He didn't need those extra ribs anyway.

More like Southy Island.

2. Smells Low - Riley gets knocked down a peg for the first time in a while.  It'd be easy to dog him for leaving Lynch in the lineup instead of starting Lou Rawls and his 40+ points.  But ultimately, it wouldn't have mattered against FIT's high points.  Also not helping was the fact that he blew the rest of his FAB money on Amendola the way Eva blew every member of Riley's fraternity this past week.  As mentioned, he's still mostly a shoe-in for the playoffs with a tough game against Lazer and then 2 easy games to close the season out.  But the odds of Riley going far in the playoffs are about as good as a Lehman 4 bid late in the evening. 

Lynch: alright Rawls, let's fuck over Riley here...

3. If We're Using Logic - Chris held off Mitch by less than a point this past week to extend his winning streak to two.  The matchup came down to multiple players during the Pats-Bills MNF game and each team had to have been more nervous than Riley bringing his new boyfriend home for the holidays.  He may have high points in the league so far but we'll find out if Chris is actually for real as he still has yet to win a game against a team with a winning record.  He'll get his chance with Riley, Fink and South left on the schedule.  With that sort of headwind, his season may be as doomed as a lesbian's gina on new dildo day. 

Looks like something out of Waukee's middle school offense.

4. I'm Out - Jared was doing so well.  He's won 3 in a row, has managed his team pretty well lately and has even made it to cards a few times.  And then he starts 2 guys that were inactive and a kicker on bye.  Any other week, this would've cost him dearly but luckily, Scam Newton came through and  Finken's dumpster fire of a lineup who couldn't even manage 100 points.  Abel has a pretty manageable schedule remaining and is poised to make his first playoff run.  Points may become an issue with tiebreakers as he's scored the 3rd fewest points in the league and we're guessing the fewest points in the bedroom.  (Random fact: Seth is leading in this category...by far...I mean, just crushing it)  Abel had better get his shit together because if he fails another lineup test and doesn't make the playoffs, the calls for a replacement could become stronger.  Sadly, Patrek has his Twitter timeline going against him.  Seriously, does anyone follow him? Amirite?  

Keeping tempting us Abel...keep tempting us.

5. Rollin 4 Deep - R4D is on the brink of missing the playoffs for the 3rd straight year.  He's now lost 4 of 5 and can't even score over 100 points against a handicapped Abel.  This is a week after losing to Riley by 0.06 and a few weeks after losing to Seth by 0.56.  Finken is losing games by a margin slightly higher than his sperm count.  And now he gets to match-up against FIT with all his Steelers back.  Things are trending about as well as the Nebraska football program at this point.  We'll see if he and Herbie can get the ship turned around and make a postseason push. 

No big deal, Finken didn't need those points anyway fat man.

6. Ah It's Early - AIE's pattern remained consistent again.  For the past 8 weeks, he's gone LWLWLWLW.  The good news is that the worse team in the league is up next and it's the perfect chance to break the cycle.  The bad news is that Seth's team sucks and statistics and patterns never fail.  He was lucky to eek out a win over OS10s as he played the wrong 2 QBs and Kyle left a ton of points on his bench.  Seth's playoff hopes aren't looking great with a tough remaining schedule and the fewest points scored in the league.  But don't just give up yet on the first pick sweepstakes, Finken is counting on you. 

Obviously Seth's gameplan against Mitch this coming week.

7. Off Suit 10s - OS10s season has fireballed faster than Dale Earnhardt going into a wall at Daytona.  He's now lost 4 of 5 after losing by 2 to AIE and is probably going to be without Freeman and Forsett for the foreseeable future.  He could've had an easy win and kept himself firmly in the playoff hunt except he left Carson Palmer on his bench in favor of Bortles.  OS10s needs to beat Abel this week and Mitch next week along with hoping for some help to keep his playoffs hopes alive.  The good thing for the rest of the league, Lehman missing the playoffs will assure an off-season of wheeling-and-dealing from Kyle.  Let the conditional picks fly!

A little Rodgers-Jones connection would've put Kyle much higher on this list.

8. Play It Backwards - Mitch lost to Chris by less than a point, has now lost 4 in a row, was forced to pick up Brock Osweiler and Mark Sanchez and finally gave up on the Christine Michael dream.  Let's go live to him now...



Week 9

Week 9 is in the books and there are only 5 weeks left.  It was an interesting week with the bottom 2 teams knocking off two contenders.  No games were really that close and all matchups were pretty much decided before Sunday night football even began.  At this point, the playoff picture is starting to come into focus.  There are 3 teams with at least a 2 game lead on the field and are primed to lock up a playoff berth in the next few weeks.  However there is no clear leader for the last spot and as we learned this past week, no one is safe on a weekly basis.  A few more upsets could easily turn the playoff picture face down, ass up.  Now, on with the rankings...


1. Smells Low - Riley goes down for the 2nd time this season.  But at least it's way fewer times than Eva has gone down on other dudes during the same time.  With Dion Lewis now out for the year and a bunch of his other regular starters looking shakier than Michael J Fox eating soup, Riley could be in for some trouble as he's got Fink, South and Lazer up next.  His matchups this week are all very favorable which should make him feel good going against Finken.  But just like Thai food; what feels good going in, doesn't always feel good coming out. 



I'm sure Riley won't miss this on a weekly basis.

2. Fuck It Three - It was tempting to elevate FIT over Riley this week as he's won 3 in a row and has the 2nd highest points.  But FIT lost his top two QBs again for some time and will have to scramble to hold his ranking.  A team starting Famous Jameis as it's top QB should not hold the #1 spot as the constitution dictates.  Antonio Brown somehow managed half a season's worth of yards from scrimmage without scoring a TD but Garrett has to be concerned with Big Ben out again.  Like a miracle four bid with Jack-6, it'll probably just work out somehow for South. 

 

Just another routine play for South.

3. Rollin' 4 Deep - R4D caught PiB on an off week but it wouldn't have mattered.  Even Mike Evans couldn't have dropped the win this week.  Coming off two losses, R4D could've challenged Lazer's year-high score from last week with a few roster adjustments as his whole lineup showed up this week.   Finken swept the season series against Mitch but now gets the #1 team coming to town whom he's already lost to once this year.  He'll need a max effort with all of his Chargers on bye.  He should probably just take a page out of his beloved Huskers cheating playbook.  The pretend refs of this pretend league probably won't get it right anyway.

Maybe Talib is why the refs blew the call in the NU game.

4. If We're Using Logic - Just like Seth has tarnished the Lansink family name, he has also now trashed the Lansink family pretend football team.  IWUL's double QB-WR stack didn't overwhelm this week and Gronk was held mostly in check.  It may have been bad karma from what his D did to poor President Theodore Bridgewater.  Or it could've been the fact that he started a 2nd TE over a probable-Super-Bowl-MVP-for-the-next-decade WR in Jordan Matthews (just like Freddie Mitchel, right Finken?).  Things won't get any easier with Lehman up next and Atlanta on bye.  No Matty/Jones combo for Chris but at least no Freeman for Kyle.  Chris, maybe you should suggest to Kyle which RB you'd like him to play.

Chris always takes a loss well.

5. Off Suit 10s - This was Kyle's chance to grab ahold of pole position for the last playoff spot with Chris going down and the chance to knock him down again this week.  However, he Manziel'd that down his leg by playing Hillman over Sammy Watkins.  He makes that one adjustment and Kyle's giddier than Riley opening up his Grindr app.  But instead he got swept by FIT this season and is now one of five teams fighting for the last playoff spot.  It'll be a great matchup against IWUL as these hated rivals fight to stay alive.  But while their teams fight on the virtual field, they will sit nestled together in Kinnick sharing a blanket and hot cocoa thermos watching a bunch dudes in tight spandex gettin' gay with each other. 

Lehman and his QB trying to formulate a gameplan each week.

6. I'm Out - Alright Abel, here's your due.  You managed to not bench your players all the way to high points and #6 in the rankings.  IO has now beaten the top 2 teams in the league (and Seth) which is more than any other team can say.  Too bad he has to play all of the other games too.  Another winnable match-up this week against Seth could have IO sky-rocketing even higher and get a decent seeding in the #1 pick bracket.  See kids, dreams can come true!  We would just like to point out that for 2 of your victories, on the prior Wednesday, you managed to get together with a majority of the managers in this league and play some cards.  I'm sure that's not a coincidence. 

Here's Abel dancing around Riley's team.

7. Ah It's Early - Seth did to one Lansink what he does to another Lansink on a nightly basis.  It just happened to both on Sunday.  Seth used his Red Rocket (and Eifert) to take down Lazer and get himself out of the basement of the league.  Abel is up this week and a winning streak is mathematically possible.  The matchup this week will come down to who can break a pattern first.  In the last 6 weeks, AIE has gone LWLWLW.  All season, I'm Out has gone LLWLLWLLW.  Both teams can't lose this game right?

The likely result of this next game between Seth and Abel.

8. Play it Backwards - Our inaugural champion has now lost 2 in a row and sits at the bottom of the rankings.  His excuse will be that he had a ton of guys on bye and had to start Matt Cassell.  The sad part is that Cassell was his lone bright spot and only two other starters scored over 10 points.  At least he knew he was in trouble early as his three Bengals played like...well, Bengals historically do.  Back to full strength, PiB will look to regroup against his Luther buddy FIT.  Early projections indicate that he'll need to outperform expectations if he doesn't want to end up just another trophy on South's wall.

Ummmm, I'm Mitch's team's savior?