Season 4 - Week 13

Week 13 is in the books and most everything has been sorted out at this point.  Seth will be the top seed, Finken and Lansink should play in round 1, and South and Lehman will clash in order to figure out who’ll get destroyed by Seth.  In the bottom half of the bracket, Riley will await the loser of the South-Lehman to face off for the 3^rd pick in the draft.  Mitch and Abel have had a season-long date with destiny to square off for the right for Mitch to make Abel’s pick anyways.  It's sad that the regular season is now coming to an end but it's almost playoff time so it's time to start getting excited. 

And now, on with the rankings…

1. Ah It’s Early – As a surprise to no one except Kyle, Seth rolled over Lehman with high points and has now locked up the #1 seed.  That has pretty much been a forgone conclusion for some time.  But now, Seth turns his sights on history.  AIE is only 150 points away from the all-time high points mark for the regular season, which is currently held by South with 2,384 in 2014.  He also has a chance to finish 11-3, which no one has ever done.  He will face off in the first round against either the most under-performing team of the season or the most over-performing team of the season.  Either way, he’ll be sleeping with Chris’s sister, which in some respects means he’s already won.

   

   Seth goes wire-to-wire.

    
2. Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken locked up his playoff spot as either the #2 or #3 seed with his 5^th straight victory and is set to take on Lazer and has a chance to advance to the title game for the first time.  His QBs stumbled for the first time in a while so he was fortunate to be up against the PIB bye week.  Things won’t be as easy this week against Seth’s red hot team in a potential championship preview.  Fortunately for both, the game is more meaningless than Finken’s drawer of condoms. 

   

    
3. If We’re Using Logic – The dream of the 3peat lives but not without some drama on MNF.  And at his age, Chris can’t take many more scares to the heart like that.  Just like in previous playoffs, Lansink prevails against South to lock up his spot.  He now gets to browbeat Abel in a meaningless game before facing Finken in the 1^st round.  He optimized his lineup this week but with Gronk already done for the year and Julio hurting his leg, Chris is facing a tougher battle than one of Kyle’s 10-high 3-bids.  Fortunately for Chris, he has 3 defenses on his roster.  Unfortunately for Chris, he can’t play any of them in his TE spot.
   

   

   Lansink runs away from South again.

4. Fuck It Three – There’s good news and bad news for South.  The good news is that he might not have to worry about losing to Chris in the playoffs again this year.  The bad news is it’s because he might be playing Riley for the 3^rd pick instead of competing for a title.  Luck and Vinatieri almost brought FIT all the way back from 49 down on MNF, but the Jets’ ineptitude allowed the Colts to rest both players in the waning minutes of the game.  And to add one more kick in the dick, his roster creativity in playing Tyreek Hill, Jamison Crowder, and Doug Martin over the stalwart, Crabtree, cost him the win.  But on the bright side, it earned him the Caesar Poor Manager of the Week award.
   

   

   Surprise, surprise...should've seen another loss to Lazer coming.

5. Off Suit 10s – Kyle, never lacking in confidence, seemed to have some sort of false impression that he had a chance this week against Seth.  We’re not quite sure if he forgot to look at his roster or what the genesis of that sentiment was.  It’s possible that he expected more than 2.54 points out of his key free agent signing, Fitzpatrick, but nothing in Fitz-pick-six’s season would indicate otherwise.  Maybe Kyle should resort to asking Chris which QB he should play.  This week it may not matter though.  He’s currently a 25 point underdog to South and about to become $20 poorer to Lansink.  Kyle had better pray for a blizzard in Buffalo this week to keep the Steelers under wraps otherwise the black and gold could break his heart again.
   

   

   Wonder which pick Mitch will use to draft McCaffery?

6. Smells Low – Riley’s streak of being the only player to not miss the playoffs has ended.  He took down Abel to situate himself squarely in the 3^rd pick matchup with the loser of the South-Lehman wrestle-off.  He could’ve also removed himself from the food at the draft sweepstakes had he picked his starters a bit better.  Inserting Rawls, Flacco and/or L Green into the lineup would’ve essentially assured himself of being free of that obligation.  He’ll finish the season against PIB in a matchup more worthless than that KC lesbian’s phone number in his contact list.
   

   

   Sorry Riley, she's not one of these types of girls...you know, like South's mom.

7. I’m Out – Jared managed to set a complete lineup this week but failed to actually tell them to score points, which is apparently a thing in fantasy football.  Newton could be the most surprising bust of the year and all Jets WRs have been rendered worthless by Fitzpatrick’s inability to throw the ball to his own teammates.  Jared’s fortunate to still have a 30 point lead over Mitch this week for lowest points total.  And with his team averaging 113 points the last 3 weeks and Mitch projected to put up 145, the $50 he owes to Seth for the dumbest trade in the history of mankind may not be the only thing he’s reaching in his wallet for.

   

   Abel's players every year.

   
   

   
   
8. Play It Backwards – When Mitch rebuilds, he doesn’t mess around.  At least South’s other league record of worst regular season record is still safe (1-13 in 2013).