Season 4 - Week 15

Round 1 of the playoffs has come and gone and we are left with that warm fuzzy feeling that we’ll have 2 new contestants playing for the title this year instead of the tired, worn-out, boring repeat of last year.  Just like Trump ascending to the White House, what we needed in this league is a little new blood at the top to shake things up.  And what two dynamic personalities are going to lead this league into the next season?  That’s right, Seth or Finken.  Possibly the 2 most uninteresting people in the league.  Yikes.  Before we take a look at what is to come, let’s first let’s review the Round 1 matchups…

Ah It’s Early defeats Fuck It Three 146.34-120.64

It’s ironic that Seth spent the entire season dominating opponents and scoring over 150 in all but the last meaningless game.  And in the most important matchup, do or die, he couldn’t get to that plateau but still managed a 3^rd straight comfortable victory over South.  Seth got another standard 25+ out of his UNI hero and his remaining roster managed not to Iowa State themselves.  FIT’s Steelers were mostly held in check (for their standards) by the Bengals and the weather and no one else did anything to make up for it.  And for the 3rd year in a row, South fails to capitalize on a perfect opportunity to bring that trophy South of the border. 
 

Don't worry Garrett, things not working out every single time is actually normal for the rest of us.

Rollin’ 4 Deep defeats If We’re Using Logic 155.64-150.34

Because of some intimate knowledge on the situation, let’s go over the roller coaster of emotion for Finken during this past weekend.  Finken was in deep trouble early as the Packer’s dropped 3 easy TDs, Indy didn’t need Hilton to blow out MN and Cooks put up 37.6 on his bench (and also cost him $5 in the process).  He crawled his way back in the game that night as Zeke and Evans had decent games but Witten just kept getting dump offs to help Chris keep pace.  Once SNF was over, Finken had a 17 point lead with only Kirk Cousins to worry about.  Except for the fact that Cousins has been on fire (scored over 17 every week since Week 5) and he was playing at home for their playoff lives.  At the beginning of MNF, Finken thought…

Then he checks in just after halftime just in time to see Cousins fumble and a bunch of FGs on the board and quietly ponders…

As the game wears on, he lets himself believe.  And as the seconds tick away, so does Chris’s hope to catch up and Finken realizes…

 

Chris opens the app and checks one last time.  No dice, Finken had pulled it firmly out of his ass and the rest of the league rejoices.

Let’s give Chris some credit, he was going without Gronk and Julio so I’m sure a formal protest of the results is forthcoming but there were 5 guys on his bench that would’ve given him the victory.  Farrow wasn’t going to Hightower him to victory like last year and Melanie will be happy to replace the trophy on the wall with Lazer's Quarters championship medal. 

Cousins wipes out the 3peat.  You like that?

Now before we preview the finals, let’s check in on the draft picks bracket…

Smells Low leads Off Suit 10s 136.38-88.58

Riley has a 48 point lead which should’ve been much more after Adams dropped 2 TDs.  Lehman was stuck in the 80s for the 3^rd time this year as his roster falls deeper into dumpster fire territory. 

Kyle=Fitzpatrick, Kyle's team=Jet's OLine

Play It Backwards leads I’m Out 139.68-123.42

Ty Montgomery led the way for Mitch now that he knows he’s a RB and sits on a 16 point lead over Abel.  With some decent matchups, getting AJ Green back and Abel’s team being the worst, we expect Mitch to keep cruising to that first draft spot. 

If Abel loses this one too, we may have to put him out of his misery.

 Final Round Preview

Ah It’s Early vs. Rollin’ 4 Deep

You could say that this matchup was in the works since before the 2015 draft when Seth traded Finken his 2016 1^st round pick and Cooks for the 2015 1^st overall pick.  With that pick, he drafted MelGor which has propelled his team all season long along with DJ.  Finken used his ammo acquired to grab Zeke and the rest is history.  Unfortunately for Seth, Gordon might be out again or at least limited this week in an ideal matchup against Mitch the Browns.  Luckily both of these teams are deeper than Riley’s nasal cavity so the managers will have to make sure and not Ceasar their flex options away (cough, cough, Finken…).  With Gordon hobbled, DJ facing the Seahawks and Jordy potentially being locked up by the Vikings, this could be a tough one for Seth to pull out.  But we’ve found out from Chris’s sister’s current state that he’s not good at that anyway.  If Gordon sits, Finken take the crown but if he’s a go, Patches cleans up. 
 

If We’re Using Logic vs. Fuck It Three

What’d you know?  Lansink and South at it again.  At least for the rest of us, it isn’t for the title this year.  With both of these managers priding themselves on thoughtfulness and critical thinking, we wonder if they are angling more for winning the 3^rd place prize money or the 5^th draft pick spot more.  What’s an extra $20 to a real estate mogul and an actuary with no kids?  South is the early favorite but has some real tough matchups with his main guys playing in the winter elements against tough Ds.  Lazer should get Julio back this week and do just enough to get the victory. 

Merry Christmas dingle-berries...