Seeason 6 - Week 7 Halloween Rankings

Week 7 is done and half the season is over. A few of us are at the top of our game, like Freddy Kruger at a sleepover, and some of us are on more of the Hocus Pocus side of scary things. Kyle stays unbeaten after destroying Southy this week, and Abel keeps his beaten streak alive. Not much changed with the playoff picture this week, but week 8 could make up for that. Week 8 could start to shine some light on the playoff picture, as the top 4 play the bottom 4.    

While Finken is in Florida playing Deliverance and Southy is downloading his boob gifs on to a password encrypted hard drive, they told the humble OS10s he could throw together some rankings. In the spirit of Halloween I have given everyone's team a scary-o-meter ranking (trademarked)

Enjoy!

Off Suit 10s - Every week you ask yourself the same thing OS10s asks himself. How the hell is this happening? Well folks, it's easy to set your line up when you have the #1 RB, WR, and TE. OS10s bench hasn't been tested yet, but the fact that Kyle only has gray balls AP and Doug Martin as backup RBs, well that is scary. Don't expect anything to change in week 9 rankings as OS10s gets a bye in week 8.

 Scary-o-Meter: IT the clown

 

Kyle waving to everyone from the top of the standings.

Rollin' 4 Deep - R4D is on a 3 game win streak and the arrow is pointing up as Barkley tries to do his best Bortles impression in garbage time. The biggest question mark on this team is Le'Veon Bell, will he finally show his face in Pittsburgh or just keep hanging out on Southy’s bench all season. R4D has a rematch with FIT this week, and a win would put some separation between the top 4 and bottom 4 teams. 

Scary-o-Meter: Regan MacNeil (Exorcist)

 

Finken after Nebraska won this weekend.

If We're Using Logic - I wanted to put PIB in this spot, but Chris does have the better record and well, he's old. On a serious note, Chris is on a 3 game winning streak and averaging 165+ points per week during that time. If Julio and OBJ can start catching TDs this team becomes the team Chris was dreaming about at the beginning of the season.

Scary-o-Meter: Freddy Krueger 

 

Lansink after OBJ scores a TD.

Play it Backwards - PIB got a much needed win this week after losing two in a row. Mitch and Seth square off in Week 8, with big standings implications. A win by PIB puts the top 4 in control of things moving forward, and digs a major hole for Seth. The good news for PIB, AJ Green is the only significant player he has left with a bye. 

Scary-o-Meter: Michael Myers

 

When you find out that you made the playoffs......

but then you find out you have to drive to Cedar Falls.

Ah It's Early - Seth has lost 3 in a row and us dug himself into a deep (long) hole. Hopefully Cooper will be resurrected in Dallas, but it is doubtful for old stone hands. Seth needs Arizona to stop being so ridiculous and just run the damn ball with DJ, that would solve a lot of this teams issues. It's Early has a big game this week and has an opportunity to right the ship vs. PIB. 

Scary-o-Meter: Gremlins

 

Seth watching the AZ game updates. 

Fuck It Three - FIT has the plague. I don't know what kind: black, bubonic, septicemic, pneumonic, white, tan, orange, or just the regular one you get by sitting on a public toilet, but this team has it. Sony, Bell, McKinnon, Warren III, Cook, the list goes on and on he just can't catch a break, well it is about damn time. Two loses in a room for FIT has him in 6th place and staring at an uphill battle for a playoff spot. If he wants a chance, this team has to win this weekend. 

Scary-o-Meter: Beetlejuice

 

Southy waiting for the injury report every week.

Smells Low -  Riley hasn't made a trade in a few days, I hope he is ok. 

Scary-o-Meter - Nightmare Before Christmas

 

When Riley sees the text notification pop up with a trade offer.

I'm Out -  Abel can't win, literally he can't win. This week was worse though, the Gophers didn't win either. Destroying everyone's hopes of Nebraska continuing to lose and for America to win. 

Scary-o-Meter: Hocus Pocus 

Abel watching Minnesota on Saturday. 

Season 6 - Week 6

Week 6 is in the books and we’ve almost reached the halfway point of the year.  A few teams have separated themselves from the pack both at the top of the standings and the bottom.  Kyle is undefeated and the Riley-unAbel poo-poo platter is just…defeated.  The other 5 teams are in a fight for 3 playoff spots.  There’s still a lot of season left to sort this stuff out but clearly a few good teams are going to be left fighting for the 3^rd pick instead of trying to claim the title belt from Lehman.

It's still Lehman's world, we're just living in it.

Your humble moderators know that these rankings have been about as spotty as Abel’s card night attendance and next week will be no different.  But this is very delicate and scientific work that must be done with the right precision and care.  Plus we’re more lazy than you think and surfing the web at work is sometimes more important.  And now on with the rankings…

1.       Off Suit 10s – Credit where credit is due, Gurley Kyle just keeps on rolling.  OS10 is averaging 182 points per week and sits atop the standings at 6-0…a real nice surprise Clark.  He’s had a few close calls on the season but has also been fortunate to face the fewest points in the league when he hasn’t posted high points.  The general consensus is that Kyle’s team is just the Todd Gurley show but he’s chosen wisely to invest in $Cam, Watson, Thielen, McCaffrey and Boyd as well as tax-abated property in Adel.  Since we’re entering heavy bye and injury season where depth may come into play, imagine how good this team would be with Odell, Michael Thomas or any of the other studs that Lehman has dropped or traded away.

Kyle to every opponent in his way.

2.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Barkley got R4D started off with a bang on Thursday night and the rest of the roster followed suit as he posted high points this week and slipped into 2^nd place.  While this helps Finken forget about the abortion that is Nebraska football right now, it may be short lived.  Rodgers and Conner are on a bye this week and with Bell coming back, Conner may go back to being a stash player for next year instead of putting up 30 points a week.  Fortunately for everyone else in the league, there isn’t a projected generational talent entering the league in 2019 so Finken doesn’t have a reason to tank for that #1 pick.

Like Finken, just not quite big enough to get up there.

3.       If We’re Using Logic – Earlier in the season, it looked like Chris might miss the playoffs for the first time in recent memory, which admittedly isn’t long nowadays.  He’s getting Ingram back which should solidify his RB depth and prevent him from having to rely on Heisman Trophy winning Derrick Henry or anyone on the Bills.  But he’s righted the ship after 2 wins and has his Abel and Riley byes up next that should push that total to 4 straight.  And at his age, Chris has only seen 4 straight when he pops that little blue pill. 

Lansink loses either of these next 2 and some wall isn't going to survive.

4.       Play It Backwards – Mitch always knew this week would be a tough win with the Saints on a bye and really no solid RB option to replace Kamara.  But had he had faith in his Bears and started the Trubiskinator and Cohen instead of Smith and Drake, he could’ve stayed right behind Lehman in a race for that #1 seed.  So now, just like his Indianola squad, he’s lost 2 in a row and trying to maintain pace for the playoffs.  And this week he gets the Riley Reclamation Project in which he figures to be favored by at least 30 points with a full roster intact.  One thing that will help Mitch going forward is abandoning the 6 TE plan.  Usually only South is keeping an eye on that many male tight ends. 

Maybe this kind of throwing motion from his QB is why Mitch is running his RBs into the ground.

5.       Ah It’s Early – Despite being known as The Long, AIE has come up short the past two weeks (but not to Chris’s sister), falling in close ones to Chris and Kyle.  Seth still has a good chance to make the playoffs at this point and could take a huge step in that direction this week against Finken without Rodgers.  AIE will also be without a numbers of players since the Raiders are on a bye but most of the Raiders have thought they were on bye for a few weeks now.  Seth does get the Cesaer Award this week because he keeps leaving Carr in his lineup.  Had he benched him for Dak, he would’ve handed Lehman his first loss and been sitting in 3^rd place.  We’re sure that won’t come back to haunt him, like letting Chris into his family.

Long, you really screwed that one up.

6.       Fuck It Three – Even with the loss this week, South is very lucky to still be in the playoff race.  With Bell sitting out, other numerous injuries and players like Diggs, Landry and Collins underwhelming (half the league is excited about the Collins trajectory), he should be sitting at the bottom of the standings with Riley and Abel.  But luckily he’s gotten 2 of those 3 wins against Riley and Abel to stay alive.  It won’t get any easier this week against Lehman’s juggernaut and Big Ben’s 4^th quarter heroics on bye.  We’ll see in 2 weeks if Bell really does show up and boost Garrett back into contender status or if he waits to Week 11 when it may be too late.  We’d typically say he’s probably screwed but as we all know, things just tend to work out for South.

I thought South just shits gold but procreating golf would make sense as well.

7.       Smells Low – All of Riley’s wheeling and dealing actually paid off and he was able to finally carve a notch in the victory column.  Oh wait, what was that?  He was facing Abel?  Nevermind, good job for just setting your lineup.  We do have to commend Riley for realizing the place his roster was in and being proactive about rebuilding for the future.  Not surprisingly, he’s been able to sniff out some good values in these trades and should be more competitive next year.  At least he has that to look forward to since he’ll be shoveling shit for the next few months.  Literally.  Abel, do you see what Riley is doing?

Nice win Riley but your team still sucks.

8.       I’m Out – Abel is the Scott Frost of the CNK…

Season 6 - Week 4

Week 4 is in the books and we are now witnessing some historic scoring in the NFL and the CNKs.  In the previous 5 years of this league, we’ve never had more than three 200-point games.  So far thru 4 weeks, we’re at 4 with no end in sight.  The penalty rules have made the QBs more untouchable than a drunk Christine Blasey Ford.  This scoring has made for some amazing blowouts and some very competitive matchups.  This week we had 2 wins by 70+ points and 2 that came down to the 4^th quarter of MNF.  This week we have 2 huge games between the top 4 teams in the standings.  But the main drama is down at the bottom where our lovable losers are each trying to get their first win.  Good luck boys.

And now on with the Power Rankings…

1.       Off Suit 10s – No Cam and McCaffery?  No problem for our resident RV salesman to close that deal.  Kyle put up the 12^th best total in league history and his 2^nd 200 point game of the season, which results in a weekly scoring average of almost 185.  Watson led the way but his whole roster overachieved to pave the way to 4-0.  Kyle has truly transformed from surprise champion to legit powerhouse.  This is a testament to his prowess at drafting, which has always been good.  He’s just now learned to hang onto those guys. 

We stack them up and Kyle just keeps knocking them down.

2.       Play It Backwards – Mitch must’ve been a little worried going into his matchup with Lazer and having Alex Smith on a bye.  He smartly chose to forego Mariota and insert the Trubiskinator against a Bucs D that’s as bad as Riley’s Algebra II grades.  This resulted in almost a 50-spot being laid, most of which was done before Chris switched over from Matlock.  Kamara then came in and finished the afternoon off with 3 TDs.  It was good enough for 9^th best all time, which doesn’t even include three 30-point efforts left on the bench.  He’ll need all of that next week against Lehman’s juggernaut back at full strength and a true battle for top dog in our circle of friends (of course, outside of the pitch standings which is the true test of a person’s meddle).

Along with Kyle, Mitch could be running away with this league.

3.       Ah It’s Early – Nuke and Gordon set the tone and then Mahomes came in Monday night to finish off Abel the way Seth usually finishes off the night with Lansink’s sister.  After an opening loss to Mitch, Seth has reeled off 3 straight victories and looks to keep it rolling against his brother-in-law next week.  Mahomes has another tough matchup in Jax but that won’t stop him from being favored.  Chris will try and stop AIE from getting to 4 wins before Seth puts #4 in his sister’s belly.

Seth at the thought of preparing for #4

4.       If We’re Using Logic – Lazer should feel pretty good about the effort he put forth against Mitch.  He tried his best and gave it his all but sadly the 3^rd highest points of the week was only good enough for a big, fat L.  Don’t feel too bad for him though as he did the same thing to Finken last week who would’ve won a matchup against any other team (not that one of us is bitter…).  Julio may never score again but as long as Ryan keeps throwing multiple TDs to Ridley, Lazer will be in every game.  Chris will be at full strength against Den’s true son and he’s getting Ingram back from suspension.  But with an ailing Gronk and ineffective ODBag, it’ll be a coin flip between fantasy scores and receding hairlines. 

Chris may need to take some flopping lessons from Seth for his JV squad.

5.       Rollin 4 Deep – After a hot start to the year, Finken’s team appears to be fading much like his Huskers.  His point totals continue to decrease and he’s now lost 2 in a row.  Zeke and Barkley can only carry a team with 5 guys in single digits so far.  Now news comes down that Bell is coming back and Conner will be worthless for the stretch run.  It’s looking more and more like Finken will be sitting at home come December again, just like Scott Frost.

First Nebraska, now Finken's fantasy team...this season sucks.

6.       Fuck It Three – Everyone knows about Southy luck.  Well, we all thought that might be coming to an end this year with all of the injuries and self-inflicted vacations from football.  He even left huge points on the bench this week from Kupp, Luck and Green Bay’s D that would’ve sealed the victory over Riley.  But towards the end of MNF when Keenum’s pass just sailed over DT’s fingertips that would’ve given South the loss, reports out of Denver were that a sudden, candy scented breeze from the northeast was the culprit.  We’re sure there’s no correlation there at all and now Garret gets his Abel bye week with news that Bell will be reporting soon.  As always, things are still looking up for Garrett.

We all knew there was something about Big Ben.

7.       Smells Low – You mean you’re weekly point totals right?

Go get 'em Riley....get that first win.

8.       I’m Out – Haven’t seen this many males in single digits outside of a priest’s bedroom for quite some time.  I’m Out…yes you are…

Hot Take Trade Analysis – Riley gets Ronald Jones and a 2^nd, South gets Mike Gesicki and a 3^rd

South offered Jones to about everyone in the league for nothing more than a ham sandwich (no mayo either) and Riley finally bit after injuries to most of his RBs.  Abel’s 2^nd rounder is probably the best asset in the trade as it’s for sure to be a top 10 pick and now Riley’s looking good with 3 of them at the next draft.  Gesicki is a wait and see for South hoping that we’ll come on strong as Kelce fades away in a few years.  And always as a bonus, Mitch didn’t end up with an extra 1^st out of the deal. 

Good trade everybody.