Season 6 - Week 13

Week 13 is in the books and what a jumbled mess these standings have become.  We could’ve had a nice orderly playoff bracket completed this weekend but no, there had to be chaos galore.  If Kyle and Finken would’ve just pulled off the victory as favorites, we’d be locked in just trying to figure out who the #1 seed is.  Kyle just picked the wrong week to go against Seth’s best game of the year.  Finken screwed up royally by picking up some TE no one had ever heard of and starting him instead of Jimmy Graham, which would’ve knocked Mitch out of the picture and solidified his playoff berth.  Therefore we shall award him the Cesaer Dumbass Award for the week.  We're sure that won't come back to haunt him while he tries to hang on this weekend. 

But now all 4 middle teams could either miss or make the playoffs depending on our final week.  While your humble moderators would’ve preferred the former, the latter does add a certain spice to the year’s conclusion.  The matchups for the final week make for some great intrigue so we thought we’d dig into each team to see what they’re playing for.  So grab a seat...

1.       If We’re Using Logic – Apparently we hit a nerve last week and Lazer just wanted to show off how bad his team can be and still claim the #1 seed. Chris is now 6^th in the league in points after posting his first sub-100 point game and yet he still, somehow, has the inside track to picking his opponent.  And now all he has to do is beat Abel this week to secure his spot atop the standings.  He had better choose wisely though.  After losing Hunt and relying on ODBag as his best QB, being stuck with Ingram as his best RB could result in a premature playoff exit no matter who he’s facing.  #BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor 

Chris also got 3rd in the auction league with the 8th most points.

2.       Off Suit 10s – Kyle can still grab the #1 seed but will need to beat South this weekend and hope that Lansink loses to Abel (which did happen in Week 14 last year).  He’s got by far the most points so there’s no risk of losing a tiebreaker but most likely will fall into the #2 seed giving Lazer the option to dodge him faster than Trump dodged the draft.  However Kyle has lost 4 of the last 5 so maybe he shouldn’t be getting so cocky.  Rebranding himself as the #PeoplesChamp seems like a very Trump way to distract from his poor finish to the season.  #CouldBePeoplesChumpRealSoon 

Chris ducking under Lehman's first round challenge.

3.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken went from having a chance to still grab the #1 seed last week to being in danger of finishing 6^th in the standings.  He is still in decent position with the points lead among the remaining 4 and a game lead over Mitch and Seth.  But now he faces Seth this week, who has won 4 out of 5 and has scored 160+ in all but one of those weeks, in a win and you’re in situation.  While it was handy to find Spencer Ware suddenly useful on his bench, it looks like he’ll need him after Conner messed up his ankle and could miss enough time to keep Finken out of the playoffs.  This would allow enough time to finish up that Scott Frost mural he’s been working on.  #RememberThe90s

Finken really fumbled that opportunity away.

4.       Fuck It Three – Garrett was fortunate to beat the 3^rd worst team in the league to stay alive but now gets to tangle with Kyle in order to cement his playoff spot.  A win puts him in the playoffs for sure but a loss by both Mitch and Seth also fires up his porn up over the Bluetooth.   South looked to be dead in the water throughout the early part of the year based on Bell not reporting and all the other injuries.  But he waiver-wired quite well (Abel please take note) and went all in overpaying for Chubb.  Will Southy’s new Chubb take him to the Promised Land or will he be beaten up like his previous chub when his wife’s away?  If we were the betting type (and neither of us are…anymore) we’d wager that he’ll find a way to Southy himself into the playoffs. #SouthyLuck

The important work South is always doing on his phone.

5.       Play It Backwards – Mitch can still slide into the playoffs with a win over lowly Riley and a loss by either Finken or South.  He’s got the 2^nd most points of this group so he should move ahead of one of those losing squads.  However, he could be lapped by Seth if AIE really puts a big number up against Finken.  Then he’d need South to lose as well.  With AJ Green and Olsen hurt again, it’ll be a bit tougher but we’re guessing Tampa Bay won’t be able to hold down Kamara and Thomas like the Cowboys did.  But if it does come down to points, we’re guessing he wished he would’ve found a way to get Cohen’s 36 points in his lineup this past week. #ThoseWouldveHelped

Don't worry Mitch, it's not like you were expecting much coming into this year.

6.       Ah It’s Early – As mentioned earlier, Seth’s team has been hotter than a Saturday night after his kids go to bed but he still needs some help getting in based on the hole he dug for himself earlier in the year.  Seth first needs to beat Finken and put up a strong point total in doing so in hopes of outscoring the other 3 contenders.  It’d be easier if Mitch and/or South loses as well so then he won’t have measure points against as many people.  But as we’ve heard, they don’t call him “The Long” for nothing. #CarasMadeThatAbundantlyClear

Seth somehow keeping his season alive.

7.       Smells Low – Riley may be able to stick his nose into contention next year if he drafts well and stays healthy but he won’t be sniffing the playoffs this winter.  He’s only looking to smell out an upset against Mitch and plug up his path to the postseason.   He’ll be battling Abel for the #1 pick and if there’s one thing we’re sure Riley’s good at, it’s picking.  #Takes5HoursPerDayToCleanOutThatBadBoy

Be careful sticking your finger in there Riley, it may not be what you expect.

8.       I’m Out – As always, the name tells the story.  Only one team in the history of this league has finished worse than 3-11 (and Jared's done that twice) and that was South in 2013 (1-13).  Abel is rowing that boat towards history folks.  Our first 0-14 season, we should all be so proud.  #WeThinkTheBoatHasSunk

What else can we say?