Season 6 - Week 12

Week 12 is in the books and we’re only 2 weeks away from the close of season 6.  While some things are coming into focus, there are still playoff spots up for grabs.  In looking at all the scenarios, it’s hard to imagine that the final playoff spot doesn’t come down to the points tie-breaker, most likely between Finken, Mitch and South.  So please take note, you should try and score as many points as possible each week (Abel, write this down).

We thought we’d do something different this week after having time to go through some thoughtful reflection upon our lives over the Thanksgiving break.  We decided to reflect on what each team and owner should be thankful for within the confines of the Card Night Kangs and our power rankings…

1.       If We’re Using Logic – This year, it’s been luck that Chris should be thankful for.  As previously noted, Chris has been the lowest scoring winner in now 7 out of his 10 wins.  He would’ve gotten smoked by the other 3 playoff teams (as of now) and was fortunate Nuk didn’t have even an average night on MNF.  He’s now the 5^th highest scoring team in the league but can wrap up the #1 seed (essentially since his final game is against Abel) by beating the surging FITs.  And as luck would have it, Gordon going down could make Ekeler an RB1 for the next few weeks.  We know Chris likes to think he has a plan but no one rostering Eli Manning could’ve thought that through that much. 

At some point and at his age, luck is only going to let him clear the bar for so long.

2.       Off Suit 10s – First and foremost, it’s Sean McVay for saving Gurley’s career.  But really, it’s a few fortunate trades that got him to this point.  First it was Seth trading up to #1 in 2015 to draft Amari and Gordon in front of Gurley.  Then it was South who wanted Diggs back and basically threw in McCaffrey to get him.  Then it was Mitch drafting too many QBs in 2017 and having to take $.20 on the dollar for Watson rather than cut him.  This is what built the juggernaut that has posted six 200 point games since Week 10 last year and is the odds on favorite to repeat as champ.  Kyle can still grab the #1 seed should Lazer falter down the stretch.  Your humble moderators are proposing a rule that should Kyle get the #1 seed, he should have to call out Lazer for round 1.  It’s the only fitting way for this to go. 

Kyle and Chris heading to a possible playoff showdown.

3.       Rollin’4 Deep – Finken has a few things to be thankful for.  First it’s generational RBs and the combo of Riley and Abel being bad at being bad last year.  Zeke and Barkley should continue to hold his team in the top half for the next 5 year at least.  There’s also Drew Brees mole, which has thankfully remaining benign and allowed him to play at a level not seen since Riley’s frat days at ISU.  Finken remains in good position for the playoffs with a game lead on the other contenders and 2^nd most points.  He can lock up a spot with a win over either Mitch or Seth, which will be a bright spot for him since his Huskers and Iggles seasons have been over for some time now.

Finken's sure this offseason will be much different than the previous 20 years for Nebraska.

4.       Fuck It Three – Garrett is thankful for Tyreeeeek no longer being into choking girlfriends, which has allowed him to become the #2 WR on the season (friendly reminder, Abel drafted him in the 6^th round in 2016).  With Hill and his endless supply of mid-level RB depth, he’s moved into position to make the playoffs despite Bell pulling a Riley in South America and numerous other injuries on the year.  He had better hope everyone comes back next year at full health since he barely has enough draft picks left to replace even his beloved K and D positions next season. 

Just like his beloved cats, South lands on his feet again.

5.       Play It Backwards – We were tempted to put the forward pass for Mitch based on his love of WRs but it can’t apply to someone who runs Indianola’s RBs into the ground like him.  Instead Mitch should be thankful for the Miami Dolphins team doctors.  They failed Brees physical and allowed him to sign with the Saints.  This then allowed Kamara and Thomas to become the only thing this year keeping his disappointment cruise afloat.  After getting wrecked by Lehman this past week, Mitch falls ever closer to missing the playoffs.  Watching his team last weekend, Mitch was having a worse Thanksgiving than Tiger back in 2009.

After seeing his performance this year, Indianola's looking into the Hue-ing Mitch out of town.

6.       Ah It’s Early – Seth is thankful for all of his players in the western divisions, which makes up a bulk of his roster (especially before Amari started screaming Get me outta here!).  Mahomes looks like he could be the #1 dynasty QB for some time and Keenan, DJ and Gordon will keep him competitive.  But losing that matchup to his brother-in-law was probably the nail in the coffin this season with Gordon now hurt and OS10s and R4D coming next.  As previously noted, his season was built on wins against Riley, Abel and South and getting mouth tuggers from the #1 seed’s sister.  While that’s great fodder for the rankings, not exactly a recipe for playoff success.

Rodgers and Seth's roster just hasn't looked right all year.

7.       Smells Low – Riley is thankful for Abel this year, which should allow him to cross the 3 win threshold and get him off the hook for suppling the food at the upcoming draft. It’s been a terrible year for Riley but he’s made the best of it by trading some assets away and setting himself up for the next few drafts.  If he makes the right moves in the offseason, his team could compete for a playoff spot next year.  He could also win the lottery and begin dating a good-looking straight girl…but I think we all know the odds of that.

This is most likely the most Riley is getting during these long winter months.

8.       I’m Out – As always, Abel is thankful for Busch Light which is about all he has at this point to ease the pain with.  And we had better get used to it because what do you think will be the beverage of choice at the draft? 

 

Abel's 0-12, a tradition unlike any other.

Hot Take Trade Analysis

Note: we’re not going to discuss the ridiculous Bortles trade situation since Riley will (should) probably drop him before the season ends. 

South gets N Chubb and Abel’s 2020 2^nd round pick

Abel gets J Landry, C Carson, A Collins, Lansink’s 2019 1^st and South’s 2020 1^st

South is going all in and getting a Chubb for his playoffs stretch, which he hopes is enough to avoid missing the playoffs for the first time since the inaugural season.  This really rounds out his starting roster despite all of the injuries and makes him a formidable opponent against the other 3 playoff teams. 

Abel is getting a solid PPR WR with an up-and-coming QB, 2 mid-level RBs that are better than half the RBs on his team and 2 first round draft picks which if used properly by drafting or trading, could really boost him out of the league’s cellar.  But let’s be honest folks, the cellar is where all the Busch Light belongs.

Southie hoping Chubb puts him over the top to final taste sweet victory.

One final note, we just wanted to say that we’re very thankful for this league and our ability to do these rankings every few weeks.  It’s by far the funnest (definitely a word) league that we’re involved in and enjoy the year-round banter that it entails.  But mostly we’re thankful that one of the members is banging another’s sister to provide consistent material on top of the usual, stale jokes about each other.