Week 11 is in the books and we are now entering the home stretch. With only 3 games left, we are reminded how fleeting football season really is, as it will soon be once again gone from our lives. So now, let us take some time to give thanks to not only our circle of friends. But also to the NFL, who’s blatant disregard for human life fills our Sundays (and Monday nights…and Thursday nights…and soon Saturday nights) so that our cup runeth over.
As mentioned, there are only 3 weeks left and really everyone except Seth is still in it for the playoff picture. Even Lazer has the points and the easy schedule to backdoor in. We have a potential title game preview this week between South and Mitch and toilet bowl game between Lehman and Seth. There’s a little something for everyone.
Let’s also take a brief gander at our other leagues and be thankful for the bounty they bring us as well. Your humble moderators have stopped paying attention to the best ball league as that is dumb and unfair and no one cares about how that is going.
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| Good job Seth and Abel, no one cares... |
Let’s spend all our energy enjoying the double team league. Since it was Chris’s idea, we’re sure that meant he really planned and strategized to dominate the league. Let’s check in on how that’s going...
It’s actually pretty interesting. Finken and Mitch have the top two teams in each division, South has both 3rds, Seth and Kyle are fighting for the playoffs in each and Chris is in DFL all around. They say the cream usually rises to the top, and we feel this could be used as hard, clinical proof much like Trump’s voter fraud claims. We would also be remiss if we didn’t mention on several occasions, Lazer has put forth incomplete starting rosters. Now we never laid out a formal punishment for such a thing in this league but top brass at the Power Rankings has suggested covering everyone's door fee at the first (of many...like a lot) gentlemen’s club visits we make in Vegas.
1. Fuck It Three – Garrett is sitting in the catbird seat and can lock up his playoff spot this weekend by knocking off PIB. South has much to be thankful for, mainly that Annie is comfortable being stuck living with a grown ass child thru this quarantine. But also that everyone declined his trade offers for Dalvin Cook throughout the first half of the season. He’d probably still be a playoff team without the #2 ranked RB on the season, but not the prohibitive favorite as he is now. With solid depth all around especially with Chubb back in his RB spot, Annie will be wondering why he doesn't bring more chubb to their BD spot.
2. Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken was thankful to escape being a heavy underdog to Mitch and come away victorious last week. But his gratitude and true key to success this season after losing Barkley in Week 2 should be aimed at the Chargers team doctor for puncturing Tyrod’s lung and inserting Herbert into his starting lineup for the next decade. Without that and a resurgent Rodgers, he’d be needing his favorite psychedelic in order to see himself in the playoff hunt.
Wait, Finken misplayed again during BGA night...I wonder why?
3. Play It Backwards – After Mitch’s Thanksgiving feast and one of his patented card-night style naps, Mitch will reflect on how thankful he is that most of his recent draft picks have panned out to put him in this position. Murray as a QB and RB 1 along with Kamara, Sanders and Gibson make a formidable lineup. But then you sprinkle in some dubious trading to get Devante Adams and that’s just the cherry on the pumpkin pie. And now that his own Indians football season is over, he can turn his attention towards caring for all of Heidi’s low-cost and low-maintenance pets.
Honey...I think we need to start building a stable....
4. I’m Out – Abel’s thanks goes out to everyone in this league for showing the latitude and patience it’s taken for him to finally build a winner in Year 8. We all know it wasn’t done thru quick trading...or the waiver wire to be honest. It seems like everyone has had a hand in helping Abel get where he is today between South giving him a ton of draft capital for Chubb, him giving that to Lazer for Henry and ODBag and Seth giving him Keenan Allen for...something. But with his core guys, Metcalf and Claypool primed to be top WRs for a decade and 2 firsts next year, Abel could be getting comfortable in the top half of the standings, which is an unusual feeling for him…or his Vikings…or his Gophers.
5. Smells Low – Riley has a lot to be thankful for and most of it doesn’t have to do with football since his team’s fallen apart. He should be thankful for Russ’s cookin’ but that will only get him so far. He’s thankful that unlike most of his other key players, he hasn’t had to visit the ER in the past few weeks. And his proclivity to recent injury begs the question, if he’s so opposed to harming his body with drugs and alcohol, why is he so willing to expose it to constant battery, broken limbs and endless exposure to STDs.
Riley may have all of these by the time we hit Vegas next summer.
6. If We’re Using Logic – We should all be thankful that Chris allowed us to witness the most perfect draft. He showed us all how to tear it down, accumulate assets, maneuver on draft day and get the best players. And now that it hasn’t worked out as he planned, he’ll get to show us all over again. With his lack of commissioning or even participating in his double-team league, we can only assume his sole focus has been on figuring out how to acquire all eight 1st round picks. That way he won’t miss on all of his picks as he’s known to do. That is, if he survives his bout with COVID at his high-risk age.
Don't follow his example Chris, we need you for card night.
7. Off Suit 10s – Within the framework of the league, Kyle doesn’t have a lot to be thankful for. He’s the front runner to spring for all our meals at the dirtiest buffet in Vegas. Most of his solid assets are aging and he’s got no draft capital until...(checking notes)...2025. But outside of the CNK, Kyle’s got plenty to be thankful for. Mortgage rates are as low as ever meaning all kinds of people are refinancing and pulling equity out allowing Lehman to sell them a whole plethora of RVs and steak knife sets with the proceeds.
Lehman will put you in the motorhome of your dreams.
8. Ah It’s Early – We all know what Seth is thankful for and we here at
the Power Rankings are thankful for it as well.
He enjoys showing his thanks over and over and over and over again…
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