 |
| Watching teams in this league try to separate is like watching Lacy try and get air. |
And now, on with the rankings…
1.
Ah It’s Early – Our national nightmare is over
and the world will not end this week (Nov 8 could be a different story) as Seth
has finally handed Kyle his first loss of the season. AIE tried to make
it interesting by whiffing on a few Flex spots and leaving a ton of points on
the bench. But luckily, Kyle’s ineptitude was too much for
Seth’s. AIE has now won 4 in a row, scored the most points and is
by far the class of the league right now. Next week’s clash with R4D is
shaping up to be a prime matchup of two teams hotter than Riley’s sister.
 |
| It's just as awkward watching Seth succeed at something. |
2.
Off Suit 10s – Kyle’s free rolling style finally
(FINALLY!!!!!) came back to bite him and put up a league-wide season low of
83.1 points. For some reason, he started Sammie Coates with his hand more
damaged than anyone dating Ray Rice instead of Jamal Charles, Michael Thomas,
Golden Tate or any other player that didn’t score 0 points. We wanted
nothing more than to give him the Caeser award for making the moves he did but
his performance was so bad that there’s no way even Caeser could have slow
rolled a team that poorly. We also wanted to move you further down the
rankings but anyone else who could’ve made a move lost. So congrats Kyle,
you remain in the top 2 by default. Kyle had better be careful over the
next few weeks as his playoff position could disappear faster than the 2015
Hawkeyes’ playoff bid and he’ll be hocking his preemptively purchased tickets
on StubHub once again, this time to the Chicken Coop title game.
 |
| Kyle trying to figure out how he can mathematically miss the playoffs. |
3.
If We’re Using Logic – Lazer’s studs finally
showed up on the same week and he creamed South like he was trying to get him
pregnant. It was the first 200 point effort of the season but could’ve
been so much worse as he didn’t maximize his roster at all. So instead of
praising Chris for playing the guys everyone knows he should’ve played anyway;
let’s criticize his choices of HOFer Doug Baldwin, Maclin and the Pitt D.
Swap those out with Cobb, Beasley and the KC D (all very reasonable plays), he
puts up the highest score in the history of the league. I don’t think
even Seth could score that much at home on a Saturday night. To be fair
to Chris, Melanie didn’t include those roster moves in her list of to-dos for
this past weekend when she was gone, so he had no way of knowing what to
do.
 |
| Good job Chris...psych! |
4.
Fuck It Three – In the surprise of the day, the
Steelers put up a shit-sandwich against the lowly Dolphins and kicked Southy’s
entire season in the gooch. Big Ben crashed and burned harder than a
rapist on a motorcycle and now looks to be out for at least a couple weeks,
adversely affecting the other pieces of his BrownBellBerger combo plate.
Unfortunately, his only other option is Ryan Fitzpatrick, who’s got more picks
than Mitch’s 2017 draft and has now been benched. This left Garrett with only one option, turning
to a Browns QB, which is the ultimate kind of stinky cologne. It was
fitting that South got beat by Lazer again as a heavy favorite. The
amazing thing was that he didn’t even wait for the postseason this time.
After yet another disappointing upset, it’s obvious that Garrett has more
trouble playing as the favorite than Kirk Ferentz.
 |
| Garrett after one more stumble to Chris. |
5.
Rollin’ 4 Deep – Oh Finken, that was so
close. R4D needed 31 points going into SNF to avoid the embarrassment of
becoming Mitch’s first victim. Through the first half, not much had
changed and things were looking bleaker than his credit card statement after
Rachel returned from ladies weekend. Then Lamar Miller decided to start
earning that huge payday and plunged into the end zone twice (making half of
the Colts miss in the process) to give R4D the win. Reports were coming
in late Sunday night that adult male screams, shattering remotes and furniture
flying out of the Curtis household could be heard from Norwalk to
Indianola. In typical fashion, Finken managed to leave three flex guys
scoring over 24 points on his bench. He’s won 3 of 4 but faces the svelte,
hairless juggernaut in AIE this week.
 |
| This Elliott guy might actually be fairly decent. |
6.
Smells Low – In all the talk this week of
leaving points on the bench, only 2 teams benches outscored their starting
lineups. Kyle’s was understandable because he makes terrible decisions
and his starters scored less than the Cyclones in Big 12 play. The other
was Riley, who only managed to put up 128 and left 5 guys on the bench who
scored over 20 apiece, including Ajayi who put up 34. This should’ve spelled doom for SL but
somehow, the lucky horseshoe crammed up Lehman’s ass for the first 5 weeks must’ve
made its way to Saskatchewan (or wherever the hell Riley is currently) as he
held on for a 0.5 point victory over Abel.
Continuing the luck, the PIB bye week is up next.
 |
| Riley barely trips up Abel...you could say, by a nose. |
7.
I’m Out – There’s good and bad here. Let’s start with the good: in an earlier
version of these rankings, Abel was much higher on the list but that version’s
been 86’d faster than Palmer could hand off to David Johnson. Now, the bad: Abel was a 16 point favorite
and managed to lose by 0.5 points to a guy who had 5 guys put up single
digits. I don’t really think I need to
say out loud that IO wins the Caesar award for the week. Not only were there 5 guys on his bench that
would’ve given him the win, he chose to start the Carolina D (who’s been worse
than a toothy BJ) against the potent Saints on their home turf. We guess IO’s recent discovery of the waiver
wire doesn’t actually make him any good at fake football.
 |
| Abel watching MNF. |
8.
Play It Backwards – Slowly improving each week
but still....0-6.
No comments:
Post a Comment