Season 4 - Week 7

Week 7 has come and gone and we are officially half way through our regular season of fake football.  Everyone has faced off against each of the other teams and the 2^nd round robin is about to begin.  Although each team still has a chance to make a run at the playoffs (except Mitch), it’s becoming increasingly clear that there are 2 tiers of talent in the league this year.  Let’s divide it up between those with talented rosters and those teams whose 2017 1^st round pick is currently held by Mitch.  It is fascinating that Mitch having the first four draft picks is absolutely back in play.  While technically Kyle’s team is 2^nd in the standings, we’re starting to see the universe sort things out, aside from the state of the US political system. 

Holy shit, the season's already half over?!?!

And now, on with the power rankings…

1.      Ah It’s Early – Seth put up a valiant effort posting 2^nd high points in a defeat to R4D mainly due to the complete failure of his WRs scoring 17 points between the 3 of them.   This doesn’t take away from him still being #1 in our rankings and Lansink-family sons.  At 5-2, he’s still the highest scoring team and in pole position for the playoffs.  He’s the only team that’s scored over 150 each week and looks to get Dez back this week.  However, this doesn't preclude him from claiming the Caesar award for the week as substituting Forte or T Williams in would've put him in a truly dominant position, much like Chris's sister over Seth on a nightly basis.  After a 7 week stretch of overachieving, especially without his 2 top WRs, that can only be compared to the 2015 Iowa Hawkeyes, the Power Rankings isn’t going to rule out a Rose Bowl-esque meltdown come playoff time.

Seth's first half of the season in a nutshell.

 

2.      Fuck It Three – Garrett managed to pull off another victory despite having to start a Rams QB and picking the wrong TE to play.  Laundry Jones managed to get his other Steelers the ball enough to put up their usual stat line and Luck overcame his biggest foe this year: the Colts o-line.  That’s the good news for South.  The bad news is that this coming week, the Steelers are on Bye and Ryan FitzpatPick is his only other option at QB.  If Big Ben is out with his knee injury for any extended period of time, it could spell doom for FIT.  Southy will need to use up some of the Pitch luck that he’s been hoarding for the last 18 months if he and Jizz Rodgers hope to pull off the upset over R4D in week 8.

Which one of South's QB will get it this week?

 

3.      Rollin 4 Deep – Finken’s team has been scoring like Seth’s sister at a Titans fund raising event as his whole roster contributed to the defeat of our #1 team.  His man-crush on ARob continues to limit his weekly scores, but his poor team management is nothing new to close observers.   He’s won 4 of the last 5 and scored over 165 in each of those victories.  And now he’s at full strength while half of South’s roster goes on Bye.  Finken looks to improve his overall record while sweeping FIT this season as he’s currently an 18-point favorite.  However, he knows that nothing is a given against Southy Magic.

Dude, can I get a reliable WR?

 

4.      If We’re Using Logic – Chris had a perfectly average day, which is more than we can say for his card-playing but it was more than enough to take down Abel.  Julio and Gronk did their normal thing and the rest of the starters were good enough.  The curious thing is against better competition, Chris would probably be grabbing the Cesaer award since he decided to play the backup Bills RB instead of starters Gore and Murray, who each put up around 20 points.  It’s that sort of roster management that doomed the Waukee Junior High football team to their worst record in recent history.

Gronk could probably pass for an 8th grader.

 

5.      Off Suit 10s – Well, well, well.  Kyle had better stick to RV or knife sales because his fantasy sportsing luck has just dried up.  It was only a matter of time before Kyle’s record started to resemble 2016 Iowa instead of 2015 Iowa.  His scoring average, which is now the lowest in the league, is more embarrassing than Riley’s hat collection.  He scored low points for the 2^nd week in a row and his roster was nearly optimized.  He’s still in decent shape for the rest of the season due to his hot start but he needs to beat Abel this week as a number of teams are coming up faster than Techmo Super Bowl Bo Jackson.  With former All Pro players retiring in real life just to get off of Kyle’s fake team, week 8 doesn’t look promising for the former #1.

Kyle's D trying to stop the inevitable collapse.

 

6.      Smells Low – In a surprising upset (ok, not really when you really look at his roster), Riley became Mitch’s first victim of the year.  Inside sources are claiming this could’ve been a thrown-game situation by Riley in attempts to get back in the good graces of his former teacher/mentor.  These sources are not divulging whether inappropriate behavior/payment was agreed to but they did indicate that Mitch has been seen wearing a shiny new, albeit ugly, hat this week.  Confirmation is difficult as no member of the CNK has seen Mitch in months.  For the 2^nd week in a row, Riley left Ajayi on the bench while he rushed for 200+ yards.  We’ll see if the roster shenanigans continue against his favorite Titanic-showing teacher this coming week in his match-up with Mr. Lansink. Actually, Chris had better be careful.  Riley is 7 weeks deep in a sustained W-L pattern of LWLWLWL.  Our P values prove that the pattern will continue with >5% confidence. 

We're 97.6395867% sure he'll put up the same stats once Riley puts him in his lineup.

 

7.      I’m Out – Abel’s day closely resembled his favorite team’s QB as Bradford got destroyed all day long against the Iggles.  He knew it was going to be tough with $cam on Bye but 25 combined points from your QBs is less ideal than a dry H-jibber.  Also, we’re not sure it’s smart starting WRs on teams playing awful back-up QBs (cough, cough…Jeffrey and Marshall) over proven RBs like Ingram and Blount (who Abel traded for but has yet to use).  Or maybe it’s just that Jared feels much more comfortable down here near the bottom of the Power Rankings.  Be careful Mitch, Abel’s coming for you.

Starting to resemble Abel's team at this point too.

 

8.      Play It Backwards – Congrats on the first win of the season Mitch.  We considered moving you up in the rankings but we took into account your record in the League Awesome as well…