Season 4 - Week 11

Week 11 is in the books and shit is about to get real.  The stretch run is here and there are 3 games remaining to decide the playoffs so let’s take a look at where we’re at.  Seth is in for sure.  Riley, Abel and Mitch are all out.  Finken is comfortable given his points over Kyle and 1 game lead over Chris and South but not assured a spot yet.  Kyle needs to keep winning otherwise he’s going to get passed in the points tiebreaker.  South and Chris are in the same boat but Chris is carrying a slim points margin and they also play each other in Week 13.  Seth is going to have a lot to say about this as he matches up with Lansink, then Kyle, then Finken. 

Seth continues to steamroll the league.

 

Gentlemen, this is where champions are born.  Now that the Byes are over, there are no more excuses.  It’s obvious to say that we are all thankful to have such a wonderful fake football league in our lives.  Let’s take a moment and see what each team is thankful for during the beginning of our holiday season.  And now, on with the rankings…

1.       Ah It’s Early – Seth is thankful for the God that is David Johnson.  Between him, Melvin Gordon and his complement of WRs and solid QBs, Seth’s controlled the whole league from start to finish.  He’s scored 150 in all 11 games, only South is close to that at 7 games over that mark.  So the other 3 playoff teams had better take note, an average day isn’t going to beat Seth.  Except when they all have an off week in the first round and he loses to the 4-seed.   We’re sure that won’t happen, just sure of it.

 

2.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken is thankful for the awful defenses and running games of the Packers and Saints.  Week in and week out, Rodgers and Brees are forced to play more garbage time football than the Waukee junior high team.  R4D’s route to the playoffs is easier than any of the Lansink sisters as Riley and Mitch are the next two on the docket.  But with the trouble he constantly has setting his lineup, nothing is a given with Finken at the helm. 

Who wants to help Finken set his Flex starters?

 

3.       Off Suit 10s – Kyle is thankful for 3 ridiculously close victories in a row early in the season over Lansink, Riley and Finken, two of which he was the second lowest weekly scorer.  Without these wins, Kyle’s grasping at playoff hope behind South.  Despite losing 4 of his last 6, OS10s is more confident than ever.  Like Hillary, he’s not going to waste any time crafting a concession speech. He's ready for the biggest stage of the year.

 

4.       If We’re Using Logic – Chris is thankful that AJ Green got hurt early in his matchup with Mitch because otherwise, he would’ve gotten beaten like a Trump supporter in a college “safe space”.  With South and Seth upcoming, if he would have lost that matchup, a third title would’ve been less likely than Riley’s story about supposedly banging an Australian chick.  Waiting until late into MNF to find out if he pulled out a victory is getting to be the norm for Lazer, not exactly ideal for someone of his advancing age to be stressing his heart that much.

Chris almost bumbles away the matchup with Mitch.

 

5.       Fuck It Three – Garrett is thankful for candy…always candy.  But also for Big Ben’s magical healing powers because without him getting the ball to his other Steelers, FIT would be FITB (f*cked in the b*tt).  FIT is living much closer to the edge this year. Although he’s probably just toying with the rest of the league as the lucky horseshoe up his ass will likely send one of the other three contenders into the draft pick bracket.  Without Luck though, he'll be relying on the Red Rocket without AJ Green and that's not good for anyone.

South after reexamining his numerous trades this year.

 

6.       Smells Low – Riley is thankful for Trump’s biggest supporter, Tom Brady.  Without him, Riley’s team would struggle to get to 100 each week, much like he did this week against South.  Unlike Riley’s dating life, everyone on his team was at or above a 5, but success is hard to find with only two of your players score more than 12 points.  That's not the way to quickly climb the corporate ladder within the getting-stung-by-bees industry.

 

7.       I’m Out – Abel is thankful that there aren’t any skunk’d rules within this league since failing to break 90 points and getting doubled up by your opponent would certainly qualify.  He put up 2^nd low points of the year (sorry Kyle, you still get that one), mainly due to the fact that he forgot to pick up another kicker.  We here at the Power Rankings knew it was too good to be true to expect Abel to be flawless throughout the entire season.  It’s just too grueling on a weekly basis to open a webpage, critically think for 38 seconds, and then click a few times.  We totally understand, though, as Winterset grads likely aren’t privy to the advent of cellular phones that enable you to easily set your fantasy lineup whilst pooping on the company dime.

Some things are just more important than others.

 

8.       Play It Backwards – Mitch is just thankful the season is almost over and he can focus on his draft picks.