Season 6 - Week 8

Week 8 is in the books and the rankings have been rescued from the depths of Lehman’s psyche (just kidding, thanks for doing them last week Kyle).  We only have 6 weeks of the regular season left so teams had better make their move now or it’ll be too late.  Not much has changed over the past few weeks, the two headed Gureilen Beast has guaranteed Kyle a playoffs spot while Riley and Abel are guaranteed to be playing for the #1 pick.  Everyone else is still in play either way.  And speaking of making a move, a reminder that the trade deadline of Thanksgiving weekend is fast approaching so make sure to get all your trades in to Lehman and Riley for them to haggle over.  We’re sure Abel will respond to each offer at least by the trade deadline…allegedly. 

And now on with the rankings…

1.       Off Suit 10s – Big surprise, Kyle bested his Winterset foe and remained unbeaten while keeping Abel winless.  He posted his 3^rd 200 point game of the year and is cruising through this league like Riley through a box of Kleenex during flu season.  Kyle also has 3 of the top 10 players in fantasy this year and 3 of the top 14 RBs but that isn’t stopping him from trying to acquire more talent.  He’s going all out this year to win it all again and is going to be very displeased when the league votes to force any three-peat champ to trade teams with Abel.

All hail King Lehman's reign!

2.       If We’re Using Logic – As the rankings noted a few weeks ago, Chris had a pretty easy schedule coming up and 4 straight Ws was more probable than seeing boobies at Apple River.  Well that prediction has come to pass and now he’s sitting in 2^nd place with a chance to move to the top of the ladder by knocking off his arch-nemesis this weekend.  It’ll be a tall order to compete with Lehman’s roster especially with Eli and Bortles on bye (and ODBag) but Kyle’s got a bunch of guys on bye as well.  If anyone’s going to ruffle Kyle’s firm-part this year, it’ll be Chris dragging him down to his lowest score of the year rather than Chris actually putting up a good week.

Chris thinks he can beat Kyle without me?!?!?

3.       Play It Backwards – Mitch got back on a winning streak by sweeping the season series with Seth and is back up to 2^nd in total points.  He stands to go on his own little run here with a bye-ridden South this week and Abel up next week before taking on Lazer and Lehman.  He controls his own destiny and could still easily find himself in the #1 playoff spot.  If history is any indicator, that’s not a good place for him.  He also lacks any real life playoff experience as Indianola typically gets rolled like faster than Abel through a case of Busch Light.

Mitch's right back on track.

4.       Fuck It Three – While South is still technically out of the playoffs as of today, he did just beat Finken and he probably won’t stay here long after his match-up with Mitch so we’ll give it to him this week.  Plus, he did show up to Lazer’s party almost naked leaving all of our wives hotter than a pedophile handing out Halloween candy.  He thought the injury might ease up but they just keep coming faster than Bell can jetski thru his retirement fund.  Now Big Ben has a broken finger, Michel is banged up and Tyreek is needing Mrs. South to come message his strained groin.  And to make matters worse, Ty Montgomery gets traded to Baltimore further diminishing his 37 wagers on Alex Collins this year.  However, no one will be surprised when Southie luck will kick in and Collins scoring twice a game will propel FIT to the playoffs and Collins into the top 12.

And make the playoffs...and win at cards...and get every break...but mostly the boat.

5.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – Finken was the closest one to Cesaer-ing the week away by playing Golladay over a few options.  However he really just couldn’t withstand his QBs underperforming, much like Finken during No-Shave November.  Conner, Barkley and Evans did all they could and all Brees had to do was outscore stupid Diggs and his stupid face on SNF (not that one of us is bitter).  Luckily R4D’s Abel bye week comes at the perfect time and Finken will attempt to do to Abel what Nebraska did to those boat-rowing clowns up north. 

Finken watching SNF.

6.       Ah It’s Early – Despite having the #1 player in fantasy so far this year, Seth continues to underperform outside of the Lansink family tree.  He’s now lost 4 in a row and is on the brink of being out of the playoffs completely.  AIE needs to win his next 3 match-ups against Riley, South and Abel before finishing with three of the better rosters to have any hope of contending.  He had better pray that Amari heading to Dallas and Sutton’s new starting role are enough to boost his weekly totals.  Otherwise, his only consolation will be impregnating Lazer’s sister a 4^th time.

No playoffs?  Doesn't matter...more practice.... 

7.       Smells Low – Well Riley, you took Abel off the hook for one thing this year.  You managed to post the first sub-100 point game of the season.  We do need to marvel at this for a second as he left arguably his best RB (A Jones, especially now that Ty Montgomery is gone) on the bench for a practice squad RB no one has heard of that scored 1.8 points AS WELL AS playing a second TE who didn’t even receive a target.  Well done.  Hopefully he was this potent with his Tinder date after the Halloween party or he might be shoveling shit out of a diaper instead of a cattle yard soon enough.  I’m sure she’ll have fun telling her child about the time her dad picked her up for their first date in a rapist van.

The van does have a track record of success now.

8.       I’m Out – Everyone notice the Browns finally pulled the trigger and unloaded their dead weight?