Season 7 - Week 4

Week 4 is in the books and we’re now a quarter thru the regular NFL season.  Don’t take this for granted boys as pretty soon it’ll be playoff time, the Eagles and Chiefs will have everything locked up and the Vikings and Bears will be scouting QBs in the draft.  Your humble moderators finally found some time out of their busy days of surfing the internet and chatting with coworkers to put together another batch of lame jokes and bad observations. 

But enough about that, on with the Power Rankings…

1.       Ah It’s Early – It wasn’t pretty but Seth proved once again to be the smarter, tougher, more able Son of Den with a victory over his brother-in-law by a margin thinner than his neckbeard, but definitely not as thin as his hairline.  Needlessly dropping $85 on Wayne Gallman ended up being worth it as that was enough to push him over the edge.  Well, that and Dak’s final pass to Amari Sunday night.  That’s how Seth closes the deal.  It makes us at Power Rankings Headquarters wonder just how many Lansinks Seth’s closing skills would work on…

Seth walking around Lansink family reunion.

2.       Fuck It Three – Sometimes it’s just nice to be Southie.  He posted high points this week taking him to his 3^rd victory in a row.  Lamar is proving to be the 2^nd coming of a young $cam Newton, and the king’s ransom he paid for Chubb is finally paying dividends.  And on top of it all, he’s now won all 4 of the weekly payout prizes after his Chubb broke an 88 yard run.  And if Goff tosses for 500+ again, he’s going to win this week’s too.  Unfortunately for the rest of the league, Southie doesn’t need Luck to be Lucky.

Garrett's used to a little chubb, now he's got a man-sized one.

3.       Play It Backwards – Not unexpectedly, Mitch hit a bump in the road after cruising to a 3-0 start (or was it a small rodent? Not sure, he wasn’t paying attention).  Watkins is proving to be a Chumbawumba-level one-hit-wonder while Corey Davis might have cranked out his only top-40 hit while sitting on the bench.  Adams recovered from last week’s dud but it’s going to take a lot more than “want to” to recover from his banged up toe.  At 3-1, he’s still in the driver’s seat (unfortunately) for the playoffs but without AB and Trubortlesky in his lineup, his bench is weaker than Riley’s game with the lesbians. 

4.       Off Suit 10s – CMC continued his tear and Gurley finally showed up while Fournette paid immediate dividends in his investment.  However, Lehman’s WRs tripped over their feet as none scored over 7.5 points.  DeShaun will need to continue on his roller coaster run this week if Kyle wants to compete as he’s at 2-2 and in the middle of the pack with AIE coming to town.  Roller coaster doesn’t begin to describe his best ball team, which is 2^nd in total points but sports a 0-4 record.  Fortunately for Kyle, there’s no such thing as “who cares” territory in best ball leagues. 

Kyle's best ball strategy is kind of working.  

5.       Smells Low – Riley rode Godwin like a rented mule and still barely survived his Abel bye week.  MNF was tense as his new Boyd toy just kept up with teammate Ross to give him the victory.  He pretty much optimized his lineup too as not a single player on his bench scored double digits.  He should be good though after this week since the 49ers don’t have any more byes.  With 5 of them on his team, Riley’s has invested more in San Francisco real estate and Chris has in the Des Moines slums. 

Is Riley in Chicago now?

6.       If We’re Using Logic – It seemed like a good idea to bid $51 on Nelson Agholor.  It also seemed like a good idea to stick him in the starting lineup on Thursday since the rest of the Eagles receiving corps were banged up.  But game clock ticked to 0:00 and poor Nelson had the same next to his name with no injury qualifier.  With 4 other starters putting up single digits, Chris was flirting with 2019’s 1^st entry in the Wall of Shame.  Fortunately for him, Melvin wasn’t game ready enough to render Ekeler useless and Woods put together the game that he needed last week against Southie.  Three players combining for 5.4 points is not a great look and Lazer will have to do better next week if he wants to avoid matching Finken’s embarrassment in getting beaten by the Abel Bye Week. 

Captain Kirk has been about as effective of Lazer's lineup outside of Ekeler.

7.       Rolln’ 4 Deep – Finken saved his season by defeating Mitch as Rodgers finally showed up and Conner filled the Barkley-sized hole in his lineup.  He chose the wrong rookie WR’s redshirt to burn but luckily he’s got 4 more to rotate into that spot.  He’s still got time to get back into playoff contention as Riley’s on deck this week.  But if he’s rollin’ 4 deep in the loss column by Week 5, it might be time to start positioning himself for next year’s generational RB. 

Finken's almost back in the race.

I’m Out – Jared should’ve won this matchup against Riley with Andrews in the TE spot instead of Rudolph or Alshon over Ross.  Jordan Howard put up 32.5 on the bench but no one saw that coming so he gets a pass on that.  But these choices doomed him and brought about his 3^rd loss in a row as he takes his usual spot at the bottom of the rankings.  May we suggest a name change to break the karma?  Something like “Set the bidder” or “Lead the ace” or “Kyle, what in the hell were you thinking?”…the helpful reminders might also improve his pitch game.

At least Stafford's held up his end of the bargin.