Season 7 - Week 7

Week 7 is in the books and that means we have reached the mid-point in our 7^th season of the Card Night Kangs.  No one has either taken a commanding lead or fallen too far behind as we have two teams at each win plateau between 2 and 5 wins.  Even the points aren’t drastically different from top to bottom.  And even with removing K and D, scoring haven’t changed dramatically.  As you’ll see below, points are up historically but actually lower than last year.  We’ve averaged about 4.3 200-point games per year in the previous 6 years but have already had 5 thru 7 weeks.  So the highs are definitely higher but there are dramatic swings in volatility that come with those extra two starting spots. 

Season	Total Points	Points per Week
2019	8,821.36	157.52
2018	17,736.82	158.36
2017	15,728.46	140.43
2016	16,364.66	146.11
2015	16,320.16	145.72
2014	16,932.53	151.18
2013	16,720.54	149.29

But as the 2^nd half begins with all of us technically still alive for the playoffs, enjoy each weekend, as it will soon enough be gone from our lives like Seth’s hairline or Chris’s youth.  And now, on with the power rankings….

1.       Fuck It Three – Kyle may technically be atop the standings in Yahoo but it’s only because of a 2-point tiebreaker.  Both teams have the same record and South easily came out victorious in their Week 4 battle.  Garrett has won 4 out of his last 5 after smacking Riley right in the nose last week.  Although Kerryon is now banged up and Kelce and Tyreeeeek need to be downgraded ever-so-slightly because of the Mahomies injury, he’s still got the most non-QB depth in the league.  When reached for comment, Annie had a different opinion. 

Honey, let's keep that on the down-low.

2.       Off Suit 10s – Despite all of the doubters, Kyle has to be considered the co-favorite to make the title game at this midway point.  He got just enough from Edelman on MNF to close the deal over Lazer like it was a 40’ RV with three pop-outs.  With Gurley, CMC, Fournette and Michel looking solid each week and a deep stable of WR 2s, his prospects for another title are certainly better than a normal 3 bid from him.  He also solidified his TE spot with Engram in place of a very disappointing Ertz.  The 2^nd QB spot will remain a dice roll each week even if $cam comes back.  Having Carr as your QB2 is about as risky as riding with Mitch in moderate-to-light traffic. 

How Kyle's envisioning the 2nd half of the season going.

3.       Play It Backwards – Mitch is in the 5-2 club as well right?  I mean, all he had to do was beat Abel.  As it turns out, PIB needed just a little more help from Tom Terrific on MNF.  But the Pats did what Waukee did to Indianola last weekend which barely required Brady to take the field.  Coach Curtis gets the Caesar of the Week award as either of the QBs on his bench substituted for his starters would’ve given him the victory.  He gets his chance at revenge this coming week against his Waukee rival Coach Lansink.  While Kamara and Adams are expected back soon, Mitch is hoping his varsity players and big-league coordinating experience fares well against Lazer’s middle school squad and his Crayola-coordinated game plans. 

Mitch getting ready for his matchup with Lazer.

4.       Smells Low – Riley was just starting to stick his nose into contention after 3 straight wins when he absolutely crapped the bed with a sub 90 total against South.  Similar to his wrestling ability, it was actually pretty impressive from an awfulness standpoint.  Burkleton has 30 guys on his Grindr app CNK roster and only 3 were on bye.  Out of those 30 guys, only 5 managed to put up double digits.  A closer examination of his wins were against the 3 worst teams so far this year as well.  To be fair, that explains a lot about his dating life…

Pretty much a summation of Riley's roster last week.

5.       Rollin’ 4 Deep – After just a nightmare start to his stat-correction title defense of 3 straight losses, Finken began quietly turning his season around a few weeks ago.  He’s now won 3 of the last 4 and did to Seth what the Gophers recently did to his Huskers.  Scoring 160+ in 5 of the last 6 and posting over 200 last week leaves Finken primed for the stretch run and it starts with getting revenge against Abel in Week 8.  He’ll have to be on his game though, as Abel’s looking to extend his longest winning streak in (probably) decades.

Finken is coming back but it looks like the Huskers are not.

6.       Ah It’s Early – Seth began the year on fire almost assuring that the trophy would be hanging above his bed giving him something additional to gaze upon while he’s, well…you know.  But after 3 straight losses, he’s fighting just to stay in the conversation.  And now Mahomies is hurt and he gets to face South without Dak or Amari.  That means he’s relying on Ryan Tannehill and Philip Rivers at QB this week.  That’s bad enough to make us think Melvin Gordon might voluntarily hold out of this matchup as well.  He’s made some odd roster moves and Seth must be holding onto 210 lbs. Gronk in order to help him secure the 3^rd pick?  That won’t make up for Engram’s absence.

Sorry Seth, Gronk ain't going to do it.

7.       I’m Out – Abel got his 2^nd win of the year so we’re going to reward excellent participation with a bump in the rankings.  But don’t get too cocky young Jared.  Had Brady thrown one more TD on MNF, you would’ve been awarded the Caesar for sure.  Not foreseeing Marvin Jones career-best day (luckily just missed high bench points) is understandable against his hometown Vikings.  But leaving Latavious Murray on the bench with Kamara out and starting either Jamal Williams or Jordan Howard instead, both time-share backs, is borderline inexcusable.  We will commend him that he’s been able to set a full roster each week and tight-rope the 5 QBs situation (for the most part).  Thank goodness for Darnold’s spleen and Rosen’s ineptitude. 

Wait, I have a way to get off Abel's team...

8.       If We’re Using Logic – Apparently Mitch was onto something in the offseason recommending Chris blow it all up and start from scratch. 

This times, it's Lazer's turn to receive.

Hot Take Trade Analysis

Seth gets TY Hilton, Dede Westbrook, Philip Rivers and Kyle’s 2020 3^rd rounder

Kyle gets Evan Engram, N’Keal Harry, and Derek Carr

To us, this comes down to how you value TY for Engram.  Rivers and Carr are mediocre QBs that could see their NFL lives coming to an end very soon.  But the additional value of Rivers is negated by the youth of Carr.  If Gruden, the QB whisperer, is able to work his magic with Carr, this becomes a lopsided trade in a hurry.  Dede is young and has produced decently this year.  Harry is a top-level prospect but hasn’t played yet and could have a dicey QB situation as soon as next year.  As Abel can attest, some top-level prospects are unAbel to line up to their hype.  *cough* Treadwell *cough* Doctson *cough*  Hilton is a boost to AIE’s WR corps but not sure it’s enough to offset the drop in TE Seth is going to suffer, now shuffling Everett and Cook in instead of the no-brainer Engram.  It’s mostly fair to both sides but we deem Lehman the winner.  What would you expect from a seasoned used-car salesman? 

Kyle after another successful lemon sale.